The discussion in this article is solely my nit-picky opinion based on Wel’s comment to the post The Arab Forbidden Love that I received yesterday. If you think I am sexist, prejudiced, insane, or plain closed minded, then I am glad you made that observation.
Based on Wel’s comment, I am assuming that Wel is not an Arab, and knows non-Arab females married to Arabs or are in a relationship with Arabs.
I am going to skew that thought a little bit and speak from my experience and observations of my fellow Arab men towards love, relationships, and marriage. Only because I am an Arab, and I know many Arabs with devastating stories that make you wonder if this concept called love even exists, and if it means anything to Arab males. Who knows, maybe it is males in general who come from a overly demanding culture that suffer from the lack of love.
Some Arab males only love to act like they are something cooler. I kind of figured that out when I was around the age of 19, and noticed that those open minded, socially obsessed, and culturally devoted Arab males are hypocrites. They do whatever they want such as drinking, clubbing, having sex, doing drugs, and never acknowledging to non-Arabs that they are proud of their culture. Some think that it is cool to tell people that they want to be Italian or Greek. Sure, if comparing your self to other cultures is what makes you happy, then go ahead. Just don’t pretend to be Arab when it comes to more serious issues that affect our name.
Arab males love to experiment with non-Arabs. I noticed that more and more Arab males have serious relationships with non-Arab females. That’s their choice, however, why do they treat their wives or girlfriends so badly? Your mother didn’t want her in the first place, why did you pretend that love is the answer and marrying a non-Arab is better for you in the long term? What long term? In our Arab culture and all Arabs know this, that if you marry someone, you are marrying their entire family. That includes the culture, the religion, and way of thinking.
Love, it is such an obscure concept in a male oriented culture. I noticed that some Arab men believe in love, and others, well, if the girl is not like his mother, he will never ever love her. She is just there for decoration and to look good in front of his family. Arab females till this day are used by Arab males as decoration. The better she looks, the better the choice he has made for the sake of his family. Why love, if looks mean more?
Looks fade away over time. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have to agree with that, but why do Arab females as they age have to suffer from male’s arrogance and unappreciative behaviour towards them? Looks don’t last forever, so why do you start hating your wife and putting her down after all these years together? It’s because you never loved her but loved only her looks and the way she looks by your side.
I read this last part in Wel’s comment which made me laugh a bit. Actually, laugh hysterically, who am I kidding? Wel said the following,
“I happened to had a chance to ask question about ‘loving someone’ from different Arab (men) individuals on different occasions. Surprisingly they gave me the same answer, �We don�t love, we just make love; be happy!!!”
Oh my Lord, what kind of guys did Wel talk to to make such a claim? The problem is, that I agree with it 100%. I heard it too, and I read such stupidity on many sites and while chatting with some Arab males. I wish those men had a brain to accompany such arrogance. They are the ones that bring shame to the name of Arab.
My advice, learn to love. However, are you up for the challenge?
"No, Arabs don't know what love is, more so they don't feel it.",
LOVE is a two way street, “garbage in garbage out” (for the more IT attached of us
)
I agree!
Sounds harsh.
Perhaps Arab women should only engage with the ‘sincere’ types – THAT would teach the macho’s a lesson
I don’t think it has anything to do with being macho. There is nothing macho in being an arrogant person.
I think this would happen in any family of any culture where so much emphasis is placed on the sons. They get a big head, get used to how they are treated at home and then forget how to treat others outside the family. This is why you should avoid having an only child also
when it comes to love..arabic guys dont know a thing..they act as if they know how to play the part ..but they are just blinded by a pretty face…arabic guys (with exceptions to the rare ones) dont value or acknowledge any accomplishments of the female kind..they protray female individuals who are highly educated, with an amazing job “tom-boys” and “feminist” come on give me a break..there is more to life than making babies..and beating ur wife…
Yeah that is so true in most cases, this is one of the many reasons why I have refused to date so far, I think it’s the immature arab guys who just want to have a “two-weeker”, that gave me commitment-phobia. And i’ve add your link to my journal if you dont mind = )
Hey thanks for this post. I have been dating this fellow from Saudi Arabi, I am not arabic in any way, I am Nigerian. I have perceived everything you have said about Arabic men, in dating him. Sometimes I wonder if he can really love me or if we are just sex partners. It is like a on a pendulum of concern to me. Sometimes I feel I should care and sometimes I don’t think I should. We are friends and just living and seeing where things go. But as I get to know him better I see some of these sterotypes of their perceptions of women and how they should be treated and who is worthy of marriage in their eyes.
And sometimes I wonder if he is capable of true love. Because of the social aspects of his culture concerning women and the high status of his family.
It is quite intriguing. I have had this perception that Arabic men will never date/marry an African or a black Americans because they are not considered up to their standards (but I see a quite a few Arabic and African relationships here in USA)…but at the same time it is amazing at the amount of Arabic men who want to date me… but something tells me it is all just for fun, so I stay away…but my new friend Hamad, is good to me but at the same time I feel this arrogance…this dominace…this lack of love but there is passion… the more I get to know him the more I fear him…. it is so confusing. Sometimes I wonder if I can change him or are the strong binds of his culture to strong to penetrate.
Dating him, I see this “double-life” he lives. I sometimes wonder, since he enjoys the liberations of western society (women, alcohol, partying, etc) how can he decide to go back to being conservative once it is time for him to settle down and take his place back home. How can one go from a free society (and in no way am I saying the Arabic world is not free; but in the sense of society and cultural norms compared to the western world). How can he; when it is time, so easily give up the cultural life of the western world he loves and delves in so much? I know that no one fits into a steotypical box but still I am intriuged and now have a passion to understand and learn more, because a lot of sterotypes of Arabic men I have heard I am seeing in him…
I believe that whatever the case is, it all comes down to character as opposed to ethnicity. I don’t think it’s fair, to label all arab men as persons incapable of loving their partners. I know many arab men that love and cherish their wives and treat them with proper respect. Now with that said, I do agree with you that unfortunately there is a lot of bad rubbish out there. Being a Palestinian (Palestinians are notorious for their gossip) I’ve heard of many bad situations, where couples are barely married for two years and the men quickly turn on their women and start treating them like maids.
There are some men that decide, oh what the hell I’ll get me another wife because the old one doesn’t work anymore. Whatever you can think of I’ve heard it all.
Many of the problems that cause this come down to some situations which are very similar. There are a lot of arab women today that rush into arranged marriages without really getting to know the man she’s going to marry. Ahmado, puts on a sweet face for one year, reels her in and then bam, make me a sammich now woman! or in more accurate words, YALA YA KALBE, WEN AKLEE?!
Other arab women are more on the superficial side, a good looking guy charms them, they think to themselves, ooh he’s so cute he can’t possibly be a bad man. One year later, YALA YA KALBE, WEN AKLEE?!
I think the only way (men or women) should commit to marriage, is to really get to know their potential partner, they need to take as much time as they have to until they are 99% sure.
salaam bros nd sisters
i for one come from somalia
and its funny
because
our cultures are so similar its sometimes funny
about arab men and love
i think its unfair to say that
all arab men are incapable of loving someone
i just think we have to be carefull with who you go for
if you see a real practicing muslim brother
(2 those of u hu are muslim)
and alhamdulilah there are some good practicng brothers
then you will see
that they got over the big headedness and know the rights
of a wife over them and vice versa
id prefer a guy that grew up in the western world
as did i
compared to someone from “back home”
i have no time to even attempt to understand their ways of thinking
LOOL @sis amina
lool @YALA YA KALBE, WEN AKLEE?!
Yalla ya kalbe, wen aklee? Holy crap.. if someone ever says that to me I will take the food and through it on their head and leave. No one dares talk to me like that.
Nasira, more like brother
Mona, while you may have testicular fortitude to launch the plate right at your aggressor, unfortunately this isn’t the case with many girls out there. Some are just too timid to assert themselves and continue to endure the bs for many years.
hello mona,
wow…your blog nailed it for me. i am currently dating an arabic guy and i get so frustrated. your blog has helped see that i am not so crazy…it’s his lack of affection and capability to respect women that’s made me resent him so much now. I especially like the part of how arabs like to date non-arabs…i’m asian and it’s really getting hard for me to see any future with this guy. the time will come when i have to move on…
hi Mona,
I just want to share with you what i discovered in ARAB WORLD…i’m from south east asia currently living here in Dubai UAE, i live here for 7 years and i experienced a lot of things that i can surely probe that ARAB MEN are GAY.. YES, arab Men are gay 99.9% even if they are married or in a relationship with ladies. they go out the country just to come out at least for some time and express their feelings. i have many friends Arab LOCAL of Emarates, and from other arab countries, according to them and their culture “GAY” is not allowed in their religion, which is Islam. Im sorry to tell you this but they admit that they are more happy if they make love with the MEN…. but they dont want to hear the words gay… but they do what gay men do….etc…
So, all of you GIRLS involve and Married in Arab Men… please read, you should know this, and be AWARE..
Thanks and regards,
BurjAsian
Dubai – United Arab Emirates
Holy crap!!!!
Are we really that bad ? after reading all of that I’m thinking that there is no point in going on living LOL.
@BurjAsian lets hope that Mona’s dad and bro’s aren’t among the 99.9% LOL.
plus,BurjAsian, arent u from a region that has the most transsexuals and transvestites in the entire world?? just kidding dear
Anyway Mona, if your assessment is right,which I think its definitely not, I must say that means its the Arab women’s fault for raising them this way..so I encourage our Arab sisters to take parenting classes and teach their boys how to be loving and how to treat women..Moreover, I think Arab women make the worst mother-in-law’s ever…so nasty and and mean to other women…So for those Arab girls that hate us so much I simply say: 7ello 3an teezna and go find men somewhere else, and let us live in peace.
wassalam khetaam
In almost all arab countries sex is not acceptable between couples, which means that arab couples in most of the arab countries have no sexual chemistry between them, their love is based on how hypnotized the person is from the other person’s talks and vice versa. Imagine both couple craving sex but they can’t do it simply because of the culture, hence their love is based on talks, some kissing some touching but no sex, this will increase the hypnosis between the couple and will make them love each other more. The couple sees each other having sex when they are using their imagination technique, this alone increase the couple’s love more, and make sure a very good hypnosis is taking place. This doesn’t happen in the west and it proves that arab men feel love more than any other men. However remember sexual chemistry is very important, and if you are not aware of that men and women might fall for the wrong person. When an arab man meets a western women he is meeting a women so much different than arab women. What was hard to get of the arab women is very easy to get from a western women, and because arab men have a good communicating skills since all they did before was talking and listening, a western women fall for the arab man very easliy, simply because western men are looking for a night stand, and arabs don’t know night stands and are looking for a relationship. Later they have sex together, the inexperienced arab man finds it very enjoyable, however there is a fear inside the arab man that if this relationship ends he won’t be getting any and he will have to go back to the imagination technique. This fear makes the arab man so attached to the women and it convince him that this is the women he wants to spend his life with. Then he starts treating her as his future wife. It makes the western women more in love with him. However later sex becomes normal with his partner same as using the imagination technique , this is simply because from the beginning there was no sexual chemistry between the couple, what the inexperienced arab man thought was fun was not fun. The reason he thought it was fun is because he’s not doing it on his own. However when the couple have a sexual chemistry, orgasm is not the same as when using the imagination technique. The western women knows from the beginning that there is no sexual chemistry however because women love with the 2 parts of their brain and men use just 1 part, the women see love as a totally different thing than men. Later when the arab man gets the chance to cheat and actually do it he will find out that his second experience is much better than his first, which will make him love the girlfriend less. Girls are very smarter than men they can know when their lovers love them less, men can only tell when its too late, again this is because women see love from the 2 parts of her brain. Slowly the love between the couple starts turning to hate sooner or later after this the relationship ends and leaves a huge gap inside both, because they were subconsciously hypnotizing each other and believed that they are soul mates. Now the arab man is little bit experienced he makes his next move, so similar to his first, getting her to love him first then they have sex. If there was no sexual chemistry between the new couple the same thing will happen again. If the arab man didn’t have enough luck to have sex with a girl with positive sexual chemistry then hopefully he will have sexual chemistry with the arranged marriage wife, because if he didn’t poor man will never know what sex really is. However if the married couple had a positive sexual chemistry the whole world will become different then they’ll be truly in love. If the arab man finds sexual chemistry before he gets married he might fall for her and probably end up with that women. Or he can like the true feeling of sex and become like westerns, only interested in a night stand until they find the real person they want to be with. In all the situations arabs experience love and feelings more than any other men, all women that fell for an arab they know that at one point they were the happiest women.
Gosh… let’s clear some things up. In Islam premarital sex is forbbiden, unfortunately as in any religion ppl take what they like and ignore the rest, which is why some Muslims may engage in premarital sex (most likely with Non-Muslim, Non-Arab girls) – terrible yes, but at least not ALL of the guys behave in such a manner. Also, may be these ‘odd-balls’ who sleep with other girls and have no moral reasoning or affection are bad crop, but again, let’s not generalise. I do have many male friends who are young Arab guys and who are married or dating and who know very well how to treat their partner. You can find a plonker in any society, let’s not put our Arab guys under the magnifying glass for too long – in fear or burning them
But if you hang around the wrong crowd you’re bound to end up with someone who’s a bit off with their way of thinking – that’s natural.
I just hope – Mona, that you may meet someone who is nice enough to show you that there is hope after all. You see, not only is love a challenge, life is just as equally challenging.
Chin up! It’s a wonderful world we live in
Again, i agree with the post above. Just go to a football or a hockey team lockerroom (not likely) and hear what they say to each other about women! Guys can be asses.. from any country any culture. But just cuz some1 says somethign doesnt mean they mean it. Also just because a few are assholes, doesnt mean they all are.. Even though i have met some real Arab shits. I know and have met many others who are not. So.. ya, chin up lol
burj asian im so sorry but your wrong u have no rights to say its 99% u might as well just say all arab men are gay ur really ignorant thats what im sure of, there are geys here in the uae but not the majority!!! so pleases correct ur info before posting such a comment
and mona uright somehow many arabs choose to date non arabs becoz if he dates an arab he cant have sex,go out all the time or watever becoz no muslim/arab girl would allow that. And yes men here are controlling so much in a relationship that there is no love. why iss thaat!!
im not speaking about all arab men No there is the good and the bad!! so no offense to those men whoarent that type !!
Dede, im sorry to tell u but u dont know what is happening around you! everybody has right to express or to shout for what we see, what we find,
i adviced you to go around to find out what we have…
regards,
BurjAsian
Dubai-UAE
BurjAsian
I was actually in the middle of writing this long comment about wat u just said but i decided that i really dont care what you think becoz first of all
ur forigner u KNOW NOthing!!
second im an emiratie and believe me i know better i live here im part of what u call the 99.9 g/arabs. besides
if people start judging a whole country with just a couple of people they know and things they hear then would u still say were terrorist were arabs and muslims u know and thats what the majorty of the world think we are. Does that make this True about us !!
point is … Dont judge the UAE/ARAB men by just this small percentage that u happen to know!!
i hope u understood wat i mean
hi dede,.
Thank you for your comments i appreciayte all of that….i respect all arabs men, gay, women or lesbian…. all that kinds of things are normal u have to understand that!& anywhere you can find,
Anyway i dont force you to believe me, i just want you to know for all the things i found here in arab world… im sorry but out of 100 ARAB mens i meet only 1 (one) straight…. maybe he is old thats why! unlike with new generation…. honestly i have boyfriend local he work as police he love me morethan to his girlfriend (local)i proven that,& i also love him so much! he spend a lot of time for me, even i force him to visit his gf,
I BELIEVE that ARABS KNOW’S HOW TO LOVE BUT AFRAID TO DO IT! specialy guys,
dede, hope u understand what i mean…. i just want to open your mind… even im foreigner here in your country im also human and i have right to live in this world we are the son of god, religion is not the important.. the important is you know how to LOVE!
THANKS & REGARDS,
BurjAsian
Dubai-UAE
Hmm this discussion is still alive? keep receiving email notifications, so I read a few to see what’s going on and I’ve concluded…….
That somebody should get a court order to restrain Burj Asian from anything even close to resembling intelligent discussion.
That is all….
I, as the site owner, have lost interest in what Burj Asian has been blabbering about for the past few comments.
Burj Asian i really understand what u mean this is your oppinion and thats yours we both have our own views!!
and like mona says if i agree with you wed both be wrong.
thanks anyways
I once dated an Arab guy from UAE. I didn’t want to though. I was just angry with my American guy and thought to break away from him. This UAE guy seemed to be the nicest one on earth in the beginning. From day one he started telling me how he fell in love with me and how desperately he wanted to marry me.However, I knew very very well that he wasn’t in love with me at all, for I loved my US guy immensely and the experience assumed me how to know when someone is in love. And I always questioned myself how on earth would someone fall in love with a person just by the first hi on the phone!!! Well, he started giving me temptation like if we married he would buy me lexus and we would make love in 5 star hotel suite. I was like oh yeah, go ahead!!! At one point his real face started to come forward. I was a virgin and bowed never to lose it. But then one afternoon on a date with him I got pressured by him to have sex with him. I kept saying no and gradually he turned into a beast. I got scared so much that I almost started to cry. But then he came back to his “Prince” mask and was like don’t worry, I wouldnt be like this again,but you should learn how to keep a man happy. I still didn’t care cuz I saw him only as a date. His real face again started to come out as his madness to have sex with me got even worse and at one point I felt extremely irritated. I felt as if it was some kind of a punishment god was giving me for hurting my previous guy. One fine day I called him and as we chatted we started coming closer. Thats when I felt how much I loved him and what he really meant to me. So I thought to tell the Arab dude that there would be no more of him and me anymore. I was pretty polite with my points. But he got mad. He called me a wh0re, b1tich, etc. But I didn’t care cuz I had to be with my previous guy. At one point he started sending me threats like how he would get me kidnapped and oh he even left fake message on my voice mail so that I went back to him. But I didn’t. After like 6 months I went to check one of his social network page where I saw a message that went something like hey, N do you want girls from Jamaica, they are cool too. Thats when I figured out that he was a player. And his feelings of love were fake.
Very interesting story, but I heard similar ones that make you wonder, “what the hell are wrong with these guys!?”
Just wanted to add that this guy showed certain signs that gave me odd view about arab men. And not only him. His friend was even worse. The guy used to spend night after night with his girlfriend in hotel rooms. But what really irritated me most was the fact that my date was more leaned towards my sexuality than anything else. I mean in the 2nd week of our relationship he asked me what my breast size was. I was extremely skinny back then and he asked me to gain weight so that my private parts looked bigger. Thats very very disgusting.
Mona, I have one question. What do you think arab men think of women who are not afraid to hurt them, i mean physically?
I am dating an arab man for two months now, I love him but I am not sure if he loves me, too. He is such a sweet guy but he changes whenever he gets angry. He shouts at me and hits me. And whenever he does that, I do the same thing for him.
One day, he cried and asked me why am I doing this to him, and that I don’t treat him like a man. I told him, it’s just because he doesn’t treat me like a woman.
Sigh, it’s really hard to date an arab man. For me, it’s like I am raising an eight year old spoiled brat boy.
I agree with the post above, since it concerns a lot of arab men I met – ps. I’m ukrainian. but I guess I am a lucky one who found one from the rare amazing person & non hipocrite ones
There are good arab men. just they are hiding a lot
[...] “No, Arabs don’t know what love is, more so they don’t feel it …Sep 21, 2008 … The discussion in this article is solely my nit-picky opinion based on Wel’s comment to the post The Arab Forbidden Love that I received … [...]
i dated an arab man! he was a prince then turned into a liar, doubled standards. he cheats, had sex with others while engaged to me. He thought he is way too smart ti be caught! Well, i caught him many times with proofs. He ran away when facing evidences yet keep coming back trying to sweet talk me back. lies after lies, worse, he was so afraid of me doing exactly the things he did to me. Asked him why he did what he did, the answer was ” i don’t know why, i was not thinking”. BS!