The right to choose
There is a major difference between animals and humans. Obviously it is the human intellectual thought process that is completely different than an animal’s. Moreover, there is a difference between choosing someone you want to spend your life with, and someone else choosing them for you. I don’t know what year it is in most people’s perception, but last time I checked it was close to the end of 2008. Yah, 2008? The 21st God for sake century, and Arabs still have this tendency to choose for their sons the girl they should spend their life with.
Why is that?
Some people think it is a weak personality on the man’s side. Some think that parents care too much about society’s acceptance of another family’s social standard that entices them to take such an action. Others believe that beauty is what they are seeking; unfortunately, only physical beauty.
I am not sure why people think that physical beauty will last forever; last time I checked a biology book, there was this thing called aging. Why can’t those mothers see that in the mirror? Or are they blind and can’t tell that they grew up as well, and honestly, many of them are not that attractive anymore.
So why do these mothers take that extra step to choose a wife for their sons, why can’t the sons do it them selves? So, is the girl chosen supposed to be a treasured ornament for her son and that’s it? I don’t get it. Why do these girls accept such a proposal? A girl barely knows the guy, and probably only saw him a few times and made small conversations with him, and ends up marrying him.
Why can’t a girl choose for her self? Why can’t a girl say NO!
What if things turned around and a girl wants to choose those qualities in a man, as in beauty and attractiveness? Not many guys would end being married at that rate of selection. So, why can’t a girl say, I want this guy! Why is it always the mother of the man making those decisions? Or better yet, why can’t two people choose each other? Why the middle person? Why let someone else do it for you?
Where I live, Arabs either choose each other, but not many of them end up together because of parent’s intervention and not accepting this thing called love, or mothers go window shopping from house to house for a potential bride for her “handsome” son. Why? Why? Explain to me why this hypocritical thought process. Why the intervention? Why can’t people choose for them selves!?
I am lucky because I am as stubborn as a goat. I am also sick of both ends of the spectrum. You know what’s funny, I get so many people emailing me through my site per day asking me the same question, “can I have your MSN? Can I chat with you and get to know you?” Although, I specifically wrote a warning saying don’t send me such a proposal, but to no avail. No one reads, or they read and think I am joking. Why would a girl like me, at my age, not like a nice email from a guy who is far away, well educated, well off, and is polite enough to email me?
I don’t want to answer that in one line or paragraph, because my real answer is for you to read my entire blog. See what I have been through, read my perception of life, and tell me, why would I? I made a choice, although it is not the smartest choice and looked down upon in this society I was inevitably born into, but I made it for my peace of mind. I keep thinking, what is my purpose in my life? What have I done that will make someone else think that she is worth it? In my eyes, what has that guy done and his perception of life and what he wants from it that will make me change my mind?
If I ever find that exceptional guy with an intriguing personality, and who is willing to take that extra step and question everything in life that seems wrong, then I will say, “this is the rebellious Arab guy I was looking for you!”
I guess I am picky, and I have the right to be. No one makes my decisions for me. No one can tell me what is better or worse, and I have to live my life, grow up, and make the best choice I can ever make. It’s for my sake, and no one else’s.
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Its so true what u said, but thank god at the end of the day its our choice to say yes or no. Although yes its ridiculous spending the rest of your lifw with someone you barely know, In our case as girls in the gulf if it was someone other than our cuzn then a pic will be passed to the wife and groom to b THEN when the girl says yes the sit together supervised !!!! this happens in their ENGAGEMENT period…My sis is gettin married this way she told me its more like LOVE FROM THE FIRST SIGHT !! and after here isti5ara prayer…
it seems cute when she talks about it but will i do what she did NO. but what kills me is there is no other way !! I cant come up to my parents and tell them i wanna marry a guy i just met!! THEIR GONNA KILL ME ALIVE …
I wish things can change!!
What i want my parents to know is being in a relationship and getting to know a person before marriage dosent necessarily mean Their gonna do something BAD!!! 9a7?? OR AM I WRONG.. put some sense in me if i was plz coz im really about to explode.
Dede, I must say, ur so cute!
Listen, if you want to “be in a relationship and get to know a person before marriage”, take it from me, keep saying no till your 25. At that point, your parents wont care if you even went to a bar to meet a guy, they just want you to get married
The advice of Malika Lika, priceless!
Malika Lika .
lol thanks for the advice
hehehe if it worked ill look 4 u and invite you to the wedding that wont have happend if it weren’t for u
This type of marriage may succeed
Even from the guys side I don’t see why they would want an arranged marriage either. It just adds a bunch of stress to both people if they don’t get along. I think you can end up caring for someone if you are forced to live with them long enough, but you can’t make someone love another person.
I’d keep refusing until they understood what you want or move away and find your own partner.
as with everything there are two sides to every story. an arranged marriage can be good and bad. It has been said that the secret to love is to pair to seemingly normal folks together and viola; mashallah. The mentality of an arranged marriage, i am guessing, would be something along the lines of, “We are together now and in order to prove ourselves to each other and the rest of the world it would be best if we stayed together.” The problem with an arranged marriage is that it takes that whole ’soul mate’ fantasy out of the story. when something becomes YOUR CHOICE as god intended it, then it takes on a whole nother dimension. In nature does a peacocks mother choose a suitable mate or is it the lustre of the feathers that make the date? Gods law is natural and to window shop based on beauty alone is not unrequited and not mutual. yah sure a peacock might have lovely feathers, but how is his nest building? how is his touch and respect? but most of all who cares if hes not arabic?