She just wants me to get married, asap!
And I would rather sleep.
Oh my dear mother… Honestly, I wish my mother would read this, but because I tell her 90% of what I say on my site anyways, this post won’t be any different. Yes, I do tell my mom almost all the crap I write, but I use less profane words, but same angry tone.
I think my mom is at the edge of denial about my age. Since my 28th birthday is in 31 days, she has been on a constant comparison streak to other people. It is getting to the point that it is too obvious! My mom thinks that she can hint the fact she wants me to get married by comparing other looser Arab families and their stupid daughters to me. I don’t care honestly. I don’t care if a girl who is 7, 8, 10, 11 years younger than me is getting married. I don’t care. Why should I care?
I won’t deny it, I used to care. I used to get jealous of other girls getting married, but we all did it when we were naive 20 or 21 year olds. We just didn’t know better.
Now, as I am approaching the end of my 20’s, I probably learned more about life and what to avoid. Let me be honest with you, I do not like many Arab guys, because finding one that is honest and actually knows what it means to obey God is very rare. Honestly, I know some white Canadian guys who are more religious than 5 so-called Muslim Arab guys put together. They never even been to a club before. Since I cannot marry a non-Arab and a non-Muslim, let us ALL forget that I said that. 
Anyways, I just think Arab guys live a double life and I cannot tell which is the real person. Also, girls are like that too. I do not like living a double life. I do not have a problem with who I am, my actions and what I portray as an individual. Why should I care what others think? I think I learned about 3 years ago when I made this site, that caring about what Arabs think all the time is the biggest cause of aneurysms. I do not feel like getting an aneurysm or any form of -syms to be honest. Not at my age. I am still young and can’t call my self 30 something yet.
So what exactly does my mom want from me? It’s not like guys comes to my door waiting for me. I do not understand how she excepts me to get married like the rest of the Arabs who follow the “traditions.” I do not like my mom’s friends. She only makes friends with people who have younger kids. She also makes friends with people who only have girls. She is the one with the problem, not me. I just do not know anyone. I do not really get out of the house much. I do not chat with Arab guys on dating sites or whatever, because I tried it and lots of creeps on there. I just don’t think I am meant to get married. Why should I? I do not even believe in love that much anymore. It’s all superficial anyways. I am so bitter aren’t I?
I like being free. I like writing on this blog and complaining. I like sitting in my pj’s all day vegging out and watching movies. I like going to the mall for 30 minutes and walk aimlessly and come back. I do not want someone controlling what I say, what I do, or what I want to do in my life (which I have not figured that out yet.) I do not like someone comparing me to their sisters, or brother’s wife, or distant foreign 4th cousin, and saying why I do not act like them; like an Arab lady. You know what I say to that shit? FUCK OFF!
Tell me this, at my age; after all the shit I have been through in my life; from all the crap that I have seen from other people in this life; why should I want to get married for the sake of getting married because of my age? That’s weakness. That’s the ultimate form of weakness. Getting married for the sake of getting married because Arabs talk is such a lame unhappy life.
Honestly, if I can find a nice honest Arab guy who is open minded, thinks life is a fun journey that we must enjoy, believes in God and religion, then I am all for it. Till that day, I am going to keep smiling and pissing off my mother. She is one of the reasons anyways why I am not married. She should just suck it up and accept it. Maybe she should stop talking to other stupid Arabs. I know every mother wants their daughters to get married, but my mother is not normal, because I am her offspring, I know how she is! Not only that, my dad wants me to get married too and I laugh more when he says it, because he knows no one. I mean it. He knows no one! So really… really.. it is not my fault. I am just their offspring, and I act exactly like them.
How people get married now a days? I have no clue. Maybe I should do some research to figure that out, because it is such a mind boggling thought.
Till then, I can have my fun, enjoy looking at gorgeous guys sneakily on Facebook that I know in person who have their profiles open to the world, and wish to God that they were older than me. Fuck, why are the good looking guys always younger than me? Why is my generation ugly? lol Joking! 
I am such a dork sometimes. Ehh.. done complaining. You can either comment or just go to sleep. I would go to sleep, but I bought a new book that I want to read. I will try to read it this week, or at least by next week and tell you guys all about it.
Oh yah, this song is hilarious! It’s making fun of pop stars, and you know I love making fun of celebs and human beings in general! 
Hi Mona,
I am Ahmad from twitter, I am sure you have a VERY WRONG idea about marriage in the arab world, I know a lot of married people who didn’t get married traditionally, they fell in love with each other and then married, I feel a lot of anger in your words, why? cheer up
@Ahmad – well you know people, I know people too. Doesn’t mean everyone is like that.
Also, anger in my words? Hello! I am the Rebellious Arab Girl. I am supposed to be angry. Where else can I blow up and speak out than this blog?
Ok, Just wanted to let you know that things changed and you have an old picture in your mind about the arab world.
Thanks.
@Ahmad – aah yes. An old picture in my mind. Yes yes, Dat is da problem. Things changed, and I do not see it because I am blind. Who agrees with me?? I am blind and things have changed and I cannot see the difference!!! Why my Lord why! Why have you blinded me from seeing the truth about the changes that are so obvious to everyone such as Ahmad but not me!
By the way. Lame. Your opinion about certain groups of people does not mean the ENTIRE ARAB WORLD HAS CHANGED! Wake up and see the difference for God sake!
first time to come across your blog and yes, I hear what’s in your thoughts and I respect that. I do not know about Arab world but I do respect what you’ve written here since it’s your blog and you can write anything you want.
Cheers friend!
@ tx sweetie – thanks for respecting my personal thoughts.
Welcome!
You wrote “since I cannot marry a non-Arab…” It seems so non-rebellious of you
Care to explain why so strict? I say if you find love with a non-Arab, why not marry him? I know other Arab/Muslims who did just that and it turned out fine despite some family drama, etc.
@Eric – “turned out fine despite some family drama, etc.” Hmm. Does it look like I have the patience for family drama and being condemned to the pits of hell by thy two parents? No. I will stick to Arabs. My one is out there calling my name. Where he is? No clue. But he will find me. Hopefully through my blog so he won’t be surprised by my craziness!
Hey I just dropped by here…if it makes you feel better, your website just crashed my computer! Something with thenewsroom.com url, not sure what it is really, no time to look.
Maybe you should go travel a bit. Take advantage of your single-hood and responsibility-free life and go explore the world and meet some new people. Random thought.
@Hish – not sure what is up with thenewsroom thing. It is just loading a video. Oh well. Are you using IE or FF? Also, I am planning to travel. Not now, but maybe early next year. Also, your name is very familiar here.
I guess I see where you’re coming from, and I’m sure you’ll find a great Arab guy at some point too. But it sounds like you don’t like a lot of the Arab guys you meet, so branching out seems to be a possibility you wouldn’t want to throw away completely. It’s like the oldest story in the book — people falling in love with the person from the wrong country/tribe/religion/social status/race/etc. Plenty of people end up trying out the relationship and dealing with the consequences, regardless of their inherent level of “rebellious”-ness. And sometimes the parents come around to being a bit more understanding after all — they tend to love their children, you know. Anyway, it’s your life so the choice is yours. You wrote about how you liked being “free” so reading “I cannot marry a …” seemed like a funny inconsistency, you see.
I also find some multi-ethnic sort of relationships to be really interesting because each person has so much to learn from the other to come to terms with their really different backgrounds. I’m trying to avoid being too biased, since I generally like Arab girls (in addition to many other backgrounds…), and I hope to have a chance to meet and some Arab woman in the future — of course I have the tricky problem of finding one who is willing to date non-Arabs!
Anyway, despite my biased motivation to encourage cool Arab girls everywhere to be open to dating non-Arab American guys like me, I also genuinely wanted to suggest that you might have more options than you think. Especially since I have at least two friends who really expected to be “condemned to the pits of hell” by the parents just as you said, but it turned out really a lot better, parents came around and became supportive, etc.
@eric – I will answer a few things. I am rebellious against my culture, not my religion. I think I need to make that clear from now on. I will disobey culture, I do not care, but not religion. In my religion, Muslim girls are not allowed to marry a non-Muslim. Muslim men can marry a non-Muslim girl. It has to do with the offspring. Offsprings are labeled with their father’s religion.
As for non-Arab, most likely I won’t accept it. I like speaking Arabic. I like being with someone “Arab” who is more or less like me. I am very aware of various cultures and religions, and I am a very accepting person. However, I am sticking to my religion, and I am very conservative when it comes to Islam. When it comes to culture, I am all over rebelling against it.
Makes sense — the culture vs. religion distinction is important and that clears up a lot. Wanting to be with someone with a similar cultural background also makes sense — I think I like the idea better if it’s an authentic personal preference than simply doing something your parents require.
It’s still a bit surprising that you’d be so conservative with religion and liberal about culture, but I suppose that’s one reason I thought you were interesting and read some of your blog. To me, any religion seems to be so intertwined with culture that I suspect there will be some parts of any religion to have a cultural, rather than divine, basis.
Obviously we’ll disagree here, but it’s ok! I’ll let you have the last word after this, I promise
When I hear that Muslim men and women have such different rights in terms of who they are allowed to marry, I suspect a male-dominated culture, rather than god, to be the source of the rule that is claimed to be religious. Hence, I sort of expected you would have been rebellious against this particular part of your religion, because I don’t believe it’s actually a part of the religion that God intended, and I think it’s actually coming from culture instead! (This particular belief of mine is due to an experience where I went to a protestant church with a friend, who was shocked an offended that a woman was giving the sermon. In *his* brand of protestantism, women aren’t allowed to teach other people, and I found that shocking.)
@eric – I will repeat this one last time. I am not against my religion in any way. I am against the culture and made up traditions that Arabs claim they are part of their religion. Which is not.
As for the female and male equality. There is a huge huge equality. Probably more than other religions. Women in Islam are not oppressed or treated unfairly. If you read more about Islam, it is just a rule that Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim. And I told you it has to do with the offspring. In Islam, you follow the father’s religion. So let’s be more detailed. If the father was Sunni Muslim and mother is Shia’a Muslim then the child born is labeled as Sunni. You take the father’s last name and religion. Always.
Women in Islam don’t usually recite sermons. However, they teach Islam to their children and other girls. Who teaches Islam let’s say in a girl’s private school? It is just in mosques it is a bit different. Anyways, I don’t want to go into a debate Islam. It is something I was raised with, and I will never ever ever rebel against. That is haram (not permissible).
So maybe if anyone else is reading this, I am not rebelling against my religion, but just the Arab’s traditions and cultures that they made up that make no sense sometimes!
Hi.
I agree with you. One shouldn´t get married just for the sake of it.
There´s one thing I don´t understand: Why can´t you marry a non-arab?
Cheers!
Your predicament is well understood. If your parents cannot assist you, is there a “matchmaker” in your community who can introduce you to nice men for marriage, based on your requirements and the matchmaker’s knowledge of the man’s reputation? In this way, you can conform to religious principles instead of customs/traditions, and you can avoid being abused, as is often the case when men and women date each other.
@ES – No.
Mona I get the feeling you might be single a very long time unless something changes on your part. Your Knight in shining armor isn’t going to come along and sweep you off the couch while you are watching TV some Sunday afternoon. Your Knight in shining armor won’t even know where to find you if you hide out on the couch.
Hey Mona, yea parents these days. LOL, I know where your coming from. However, my parents are the only “arab” parents that I have known who don’t push their daughters to get married at a young age! My sis is 24, and I am 20, and my dad keeps on saying that we are still to young to get married, but when he gets mad (because my older sister is very how shall I say this politely, stubborn, hard-headed, etc,) he goes on saying that we should get married..HAHA what a double standard. My mom, wants me and my sister, to be financially, mentally, physically stable before we think of marriage. One day I would get married (even-though I am a really picky person) but that’s not until I’m at least 25-26, My sister, doesn’t EVEN want to think of marriage, especially with Arab guys (I guess due to her bad experience with them)
Don;’t worry you guy is out there, ta hell with the fact that he might be a year younger than you…its all about compatibility at the end of the day!
I know how you feel, ever since we moved from London to Toronto (8 years ago) my parents lost all contact with their Arabic friends, and we don’t have any here, so I know where you are coming from!
Mona, anyway I wish you good luck
Hi Mona. You didn´t answer my comment, but it´s Ok.
I just wonder if that idea of being forbitten to marry a non-arab came from culture or religion but after reading your answers to other reader´s comments I understood it´s because of religion.
Once again, isn´t religion being mixed with culture and vice-versa?
To be really free is to mary the person we fall in love with, independent from all the rest. If a religion says the contrary, isn´t this religion imposing culture?
Well, anyway, I wish you all the luck.
And sorry if I sound too Anarchist, I´m from 21 century, although I´m 35.
Cheers!
Hello Mona,
You mentioned that the Canadian guys that you know are religious and that ” they have never even been to a club”. I don’t think that people who go to clubs are religious because they don’t go to clubs. I’m sure you know of other reasons why you feel they are religious, but I don’t think that this statement justifies why they are religious.
Anyway, I agree with the difficulty of finding the right person. Getting married at an older age as opposed to early twenties definitely makes you more aware of what you want/don’t want from a propective significant other. I’m happy being single. I would only get married to remain happy or become even more happy being with someone I love. If I won’t be happily married, then I’d rather not get married at all!
hi Mona..i rely liked wat u wrote a lot .. especially about Arab guys ….i agree with u 200%.. and believe it or nt i’ve never ever been in a serious relationship with an arab guy though i live in dubai !! and actually i don’t want to ..for a very simple reason ..they r the dumbest ever , on top of that they have a double standard life >> ( prayin at mornin n watchin … at evenin )! ..nt all of them ? yea only 99,9% of them ..fair enough i guess >>lol<> n i assure u if i will get married ..he won’t be an Arab ….though ma parents won’t accept it easily >> don’t give a shit <> i know i’m weird n wat i wrote might take lots of guys by surprise bt that’s wat i wanted to share ..n rely enjoy ur life ..single girl .. since men we want r nt available on this planet bt we can’t leave it anyway .. keep ur good work up “7abibiti “
I am an arab that is muslim I rebelled yrs ago after I have had many problems growing up my mother died when I was 17yrs old and after she died in Palestine in me and my brothers arms it really “killed” me and for her I married about 3months later to a 27yr old arab that I was not all bit interested in not only was I born and raised in the U.S.A but the whole culture was shocking,dont get me wrong I love being a muslim and arab but the female part is so difficult,especially when the arab community has a such a eye on every arab well lets just say I am disownded in a way I am 31 I have a 5yr old daughter by a muslim but not an arab,………
OMG!!! hahaha I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUUUUU
. is there any way u think we can break this annoying tradition?
U AREE SOOO RIGHTTT! ABOUT IT ALL!
IM ARAB AMERICAN AND IN LOVEEE, ABSOLUTELY ADOREEEEEE MY little white BF!
too bad nothing will become of us in the future. and bc of the strict rules, i REFUSE to marry an annoying little arab who asks for my hand only bc he thinks im pretty. or haha better- when he finds out that i posses a US citizenship. OVER MY DEAD FUCKING BODY HE WILL MARRY ME. i actually feel so bad formyself. im only 19, BUT TRUST ME I WILL NOT GET MARRIEDDD! EVER.hmmmm i will not get locked up in the house to cook and cleannn.. sorry buddy!oh oh.. and ya haram my little bf who would take a bullet for me anydayy.. ughh if only he knew what i have to end up with in life. hed kidnap me now and save me. i hate this. this sucks. all arab american girls feel the same way i do.
I need to eat some ice-cream and bury myself in a ditch..any takers?
Actually i respect u Mona and that even whats your thoughts is u still not just rebel your religion like the American girl who named her self (cant say)in her comment she is 19 still not see how life is its not just fun or good company its also experiment some pass it right some just fail but we all go through it.
from my experiment i met many western girls esp Americans on net and u will be surprised what they say about western men even one of them who converted to Islam she is white American girl not even have white friends esp from males coz her ex-husband was white and left her and married her best friend now.
what i want to say is one day u will find the man who respect u and just be as you are , many Arab guys are open and have similar thoughts like yours so soon he will appear to u wish u all the best
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly having boyfriends and girlfriends is a major sin. Intercourse and touching are only permissible for husbands and wives. It is haraam for you to have a boyfriend, and it is haraam for both of you to shake hands or to be alone together, let alone hugging, kissing and touching. All of that comes under the heading of zina al-jawaarih (fornication of the limbs).
Allaah describes chaste believing women as those who avoid having boyfriends. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whoever of you have not the means wherewith to wed free believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those (slaves) whom your right hands possess, and Allaah has full knowledge about your Faith; you are one from another. Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardians, Awliyaa’ or masters) and give them their Mahr according to what is reasonable; they (the above said slave-girls) should be chaste, not committing illegal sex, nor taking boyfriends”
[al-Nisa’ 4:25]
Al-musaafihaat (translated here as “committing illegal sex”) means women who fornicate or commit adultery, who commit immoral actions. As for taking boyfriends, this refers to women who make friends with men and take them as close friends, as Ibn ‘Abbaas and others among the salaf said. [See: Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 2/261].
By the same token, Allaah describes the chaste men who seek what is permissible and good. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Made lawful to you this day are At?Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith, [i.e. in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith i.e. His (Allaah’s) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al?Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers”
[al-Maa’idah 5:5]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Just as He stipulated that women should be chaste, He also stipulated the same for men, which means that men should also be chaste. Hence He says “not committing illegal sexual intercourse”, which refers to those who commit fornication or adultery, who would not refrain from any sin and would indulge in sin whenever the opportunity arises, “nor taking them as girlfriends,” i.e., mistresses with whom they satisfy their sexual desires. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (3/43)
Lastly, Allah (S.W.T) order’s all the muslims to repent from any haram relationship (girlfriend-boyfriend relationship) and He reminds them to get back to the right path, the path of rightness.
Allah says
“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Zumar 39:53]
omg Mona! THANK YOU for such an honest blog! everything you said, resonates exactly to how I feel!!!!
my parents desperately want me to get married. i am 30 and they think i am over the hill! they are searching on the internet everyday! and showing me profiles of guys they want me to get to know, AS IF!
i’ve in the past tried to say , i dont want to get married. but they just ignore me and think i am being melodramatic!
i just dont want to get married, i love being single and i am so lazy i dont think i would make a good wife. i too just like slouching around the house all day in my pjs, watching movies and dvds, when i am not studying, or meeting up with friends and going out.
marriage scares me its alot of responsibility.
unless i meet a guy that i like , just accidentally – naturally, and we develop a friendship or whatever and develop feelings and both want to get married then maybe i will consider it.
but this whole new-age arranged married introduction stuff, freaks me out, and pisses me off!!!
im studying at the moment, and i have a very big exam in a couple of months, of which my parents are stressing me about even more, because they said i cannot fail as it would mean my whole life would have been a waste if i fail. so i just dont want the added pressure of checking out guys!
i too am muslim like yourself. but i honestly believe, that if a muslim girl does not want to get married she shouldnt have to!
i once heard a hamza yusuf lecture and he said that there was a woman that approached the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him if she has to get married, and he said to her, no you do not.
i know if i have a serious talk to my parents and NOT wanting to get married it will just cause arguments and right now i just dont need the extra headache, so i just say yah whatever, and when they mention a certain guy (or more like a profile!) i just make up some crap excuse why i dont want to pursue it or get to know him. and then they have a go at me for being fussy! especially my dad, my dad is worse than my mom!
ugh really pisses me off.
just now, i went downstairs to get a glass of water, and they were going on about some doctor , and i said, im not interested cause he lives very far away and i dont want to move out in the middle of no where. then my dad had a go at me for being choosy.
anyways just wanted to say, thank God that there is one person out there that feels the way i do. because all my friends are desperate to get married, and i feel so alone and feel like there is something wrong with me, that i dont want to get married.
lol i love what you said about i would rather sleep! haha me too! sometimes im so comfortable taking a nap and think, ahh this is the life, why would i want to get married and have responsibilities. when i can do whatever i like whenever i like.
so thank you Mona for your blog!
Hi Mona,
I love reading your blog, you seem like such a sweet person and free spirit. I wish you well, you will find that wonderful arab guy you are looking for. My uni friend is arab and he is the most genuine person i’ve ever met, he has good morals like you but is fun and free too. If a lovely arab guy like him exists, i’m sure there are many more out there.
marhaba, oh man do i feel bad for you : [ you make marriage and arab men sound awful! i am puerto rican and italian, and i am dating an arab/muslim guy, hes fop (fresh off the plane). he is almost a year younger than me. he is very religous, wont have sex until marriage, prays as much as possible, goes to the mosque, sits with his parents, doesnt drink, no drugs, doesnt club, and very fun and enjoyable. I absolutely LOVE him. And i am one of the “naive 20″ year olds that cant wait to get married! (well im only 19 i turn 20 in october) i swear i was supposed to be brought into this world arab. we both want to move over sees to palestine, where he is from, I cant wait to get married and have children, not to mention, i want tons of kids; and so does he. We are so perfect together we mesh so well, we want almost all of the same things from life, its unbelievable. Sounds great right? thinkin about tellin your mom to adopt me?? well guess again, his mom will not let him marry anything less than 100% arab. He told her he has a girlfriend, she ignored him. I dont know what to do, everyday i spend with him i fall in even deeper love than before, walah i do. and i feel like im just making things worst for myself in the end. i already feel like if i cant marry him, THIS specific guy, then i dont want to marry at all. he tells his friends and cousins that we are engaged that he is marrying me, and all i can say is ha i wish buddy! idk what to do, he told me he wants to teach me how to speak arabic, and introduce me to his parents as arab. i told him, i dont want to meet his parents until i can speak arabic so well that its believeable that i am. i look arabic, and egyptian, i have had tons of people ask me if i am arabic/egyptian. so im hoping to be able to pull it off.I had already been considering converting to islam before i even met him. He said he wants to teach me about his religion before i make any big decisions. i am hoping that his mother will see all the effort i am putting in to be good enough for her that she will just accept me. i mean jeeez im learning arabic, converting my religion, planning to leave america, i feel like i am doing a lot. so, i have close to 3 and a half years to master arabic and convert to islam, bc i want to marry at the afe of 23. he wants to marry at 22 so it works out perfectly. hmppphhh so there. there ARE good arabic men out there lovely!!! you’re just not meeting the right ones!! and theres nothing wrong with u not being married yet. your mom is just being a mom.