I love reading your blog, you seem like such a sweet person and free spirit. I wish you well, you will find that wonderful arab guy you are looking for. My uni friend is arab and he is the most genuine person i’ve ever met, he has good morals like you but is fun and free too. If a lovely arab guy like him exists, i’m sure there are many more out there.

my parents desperately want me to get married. i am 30 and they think i am over the hill! they are searching on the internet everyday! and showing me profiles of guys they want me to get to know, AS IF!

i’ve in the past tried to say , i dont want to get married. but they just ignore me and think i am being melodramatic!

i just dont want to get married, i love being single and i am so lazy i dont think i would make a good wife. i too just like slouching around the house all day in my pjs, watching movies and dvds, when i am not studying, or meeting up with friends and going out.

marriage scares me its alot of responsibility.

unless i meet a guy that i like , just accidentally – naturally, and we develop a friendship or whatever and develop feelings and both want to get married then maybe i will consider it.

but this whole new-age arranged married introduction stuff, freaks me out, and pisses me off!!!

im studying at the moment, and i have a very big exam in a couple of months, of which my parents are stressing me about even more, because they said i cannot fail as it would mean my whole life would have been a waste if i fail. so i just dont want the added pressure of checking out guys!

i too am muslim like yourself. but i honestly believe, that if a muslim girl does not want to get married she shouldnt have to!

i once heard a hamza yusuf lecture and he said that there was a woman that approached the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him if she has to get married, and he said to her, no you do not.

i know if i have a serious talk to my parents and NOT wanting to get married it will just cause arguments and right now i just dont need the extra headache, so i just say yah whatever, and when they mention a certain guy (or more like a profile!) i just make up some crap excuse why i dont want to pursue it or get to know him. and then they have a go at me for being fussy! especially my dad, my dad is worse than my mom!

ugh really pisses me off.

just now, i went downstairs to get a glass of water, and they were going on about some doctor , and i said, im not interested cause he lives very far away and i dont want to move out in the middle of no where. then my dad had a go at me for being choosy.

anyways just wanted to say, thank God that there is one person out there that feels the way i do. because all my friends are desperate to get married, and i feel so alone and feel like there is something wrong with me, that i dont want to get married.

lol i love what you said about i would rather sleep! haha me too! sometimes im so comfortable taking a nap and think, ahh this is the life, why would i want to get married and have responsibilities. when i can do whatever i like whenever i like.

so thank you Mona for your blog!

Undoubtedly having boyfriends and girlfriends is a major sin. Intercourse and touching are only permissible for husbands and wives. It is haraam for you to have a boyfriend, and it is haraam for both of you to shake hands or to be alone together, let alone hugging, kissing and touching. All of that comes under the heading of zina al-jawaarih (fornication of the limbs).

Allaah describes chaste believing women as those who avoid having boyfriends. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whoever of you have not the means wherewith to wed free believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those (slaves) whom your right hands possess, and Allaah has full knowledge about your Faith; you are one from another. Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardians, Awliyaa’ or masters) and give them their Mahr according to what is reasonable; they (the above said slave-girls) should be chaste, not committing illegal sex, nor taking boyfriends”

[al-Nisa’ 4:25]

Al-musaafihaat (translated here as “committing illegal sex”) means women who fornicate or commit adultery, who commit immoral actions. As for taking boyfriends, this refers to women who make friends with men and take them as close friends, as Ibn ‘Abbaas and others among the salaf said. [See: Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 2/261].

By the same token, Allaah describes the chaste men who seek what is permissible and good. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are At?Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith, [i.e. in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith i.e. His (Allaah’s) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al?Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers”

[al-Maa’idah 5:5]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Just as He stipulated that women should be chaste, He also stipulated the same for men, which means that men should also be chaste. Hence He says “not committing illegal sexual intercourse”, which refers to those who commit fornication or adultery, who would not refrain from any sin and would indulge in sin whenever the opportunity arises, “nor taking them as girlfriends,” i.e., mistresses with whom they satisfy their sexual desires. End quote.

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (3/43)

Lastly, Allah (S.W.T) order’s all the muslims to repent from any haram relationship (girlfriend-boyfriend relationship) and He reminds them to get back to the right path, the path of rightness.
Allah says

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Zumar 39:53]