Stuck between two worlds
Have you ever felt like you don’t really belong anywhere? That you are stuck between two cultures and at times it feels like two worlds? You can’t seem to satisfy either one, and people ridicule you for that.
I don’t know why I have this feeling. Maybe I felt it more as a blogger than at any time in my life. I am just very different. Also, I don’t ridicule others, or bother to say anything negative about anyone. When I don’t like what someone says, or disagree with someone, I just leave their site and move on. It does not affect me in any way. Yet, others think that what I say is set in stone, and it is gold and needs to be melted away and changed for their pleasure.
I have been out of the Arab world for almost 17 years. I don’t have any sentimental attachment to it. I just can’t help it. I grew out of it and at times I don’t understand it. Now, I live here in Canada, and I get ridiculed for being a foreigner and just an immigrant who knows nothing about what’s going on in the Western part of the world. I read all these comments and emails every day and think, “what am I to do now? What is left for me to say? Can I say anything anymore? Does this happen with other bloggers who have a large amount of followers?”
Not only that, but because my site has the horrible blasphemous word “rebellious” in the title, that people automatically assume I am this very negative person. When I say I do not like something, people comment and tell me, “why you hate everything?” Seriously, what am I supposed to reply? Should I just be honest, logical, and human and say, “well dumb ass, I am an individual with my own thoughts and I sometimes not like something, and other times love something.”
Do you guys see my point? I am not on crack here or anything. I am being serious. At this rate, I am thinking of closing down my blog, and dedicating my time to the magazine. However, at times I feel that I started this blog, and I should continue on since I do have a group of followers who are a bit interested in my messed up in between world’s life style. I do like writing about my self and my interpretations of things, but the constant negativity from people is getting annoying.
I am just a bit confused today and felt like smashing something, but I couldn’t find anything breakable and worthless. 
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Mona,
Please don’t allow anyone to ridicule you, they are not better than you to ridicule you, you should be proud of yourself and your Arab society, Arabs are good and have a lot of good habits that sits them apart from every other society, for example, generosity, hospitality,…etc. Of course there are bad things about us, but we are humans at the end, not angels, every society has good and bad things and no society is an exception.
I live here in a small village in West Bank, I am proud to be a Palestinian, you should be as well
I wish you come to Palestine someday and see it closely, it is beautiful, believe me.
You say a lot of “I hate…”, and this is why people consider you negative, why don’t you say “I love…”, why don’t you write about things you like for a change?
Being rebellious doesn’t mean that you should be angry all the time and swear all the time, you could be rebellious in a constructive way by trying to fix the problems you face instead of just blaming the destiny.
I hope you don’t close your blog, and I wish you to be my friend.
Thanks
@Ahmad – nice impression you got there of me.
@Ahmad – I find some things you say to be funny, and I made an entire magazine site for Arabs. lol
@Mona, what is funny?
@Ahmad – Oh God! Never mind.
Well this is an obvious question what u r getting rt now. wy not rite a post abt “rebellious arab gurl” and that it is not only abt being rebellious, having negativity… n stuffz lik dat, but tell the ppl it is wot u feel and wot most other ppl also feel. :p
m sounding like a teacher here now
That’s inspired me to write a post about being halfies (well, I don’t know if you’re a halfie…but I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to the mixed-up-ness!).
break some pottery…always helped me
In the end, you need to satisfy only yourself. By doing so your true nature (in your case a good one) will come out. Then, people from both these worlds will look for your approval, not the other way around.
Mona,
Don’t give up. What you have to say, the unique perspective that you can give, is important in a lot of different ways. Sure, some people (mainly older and not all that worldly) may consider it just babble from another unsatisfied 20-something, some (mainly young Arab men) may consider it anti-Arab from time to time, etc, etc. The point is that people read your writing from their own individual point of view.
I read it from the perspective of a typical 40-something American white guy, but I read it. That is the important part! I have personally never understood racism in much of any sense. Growing up in America I have seen the change from anti-black to anti-hispanic to anti-arab and I haven’t “gotten it” at any point in time. People are people, we have to fight the biases based on race, religion, class, etc and focus on what is important about the individuals. Is the individual I am with right now a good person or a bad person, based upon my personal observances.
Too many people like to judge others before even meeting them, tossing them into buckets like a bunch of fish and declaring them smelly before they have even get close to them. I like reading you because you struggle with this! You fight your urges to put people into buckets because you have seen people from different classes in different situations acting in different, even unexpected ways! You need to do this, you need to continue to bring out your perspective!
Your blog name is open and inviting to most all people. I found the title witty and thought you might have something interesting to say. I was right. Your magazine focuses on a group that I feel excluded from and therefore I don’t feel drawn to its contents. That is the difference (as I see it) between your blog and the magazine. The blog is your perspective on a million different things, the magazine narrows the focus to the point where it excludes many readers.
I enjoy hearing about your struggle. I root for you, I wish you well.
John
keep doing your thing and don’t give up…ta hell with negativeness
Well, we both have “rebellious” in the title of our blogs, so we have that in common. Growing up I felt that I was not in the right place for me, and did a different emigration trip than you, I moved from NYC to Israel. When I lived there I realized that some of us are meant to be outsiders, even in the right or original place. It’s all about seeing that everyone sees herself, to some degree, as an outsider. And now I am back living in the US, but I have come to see that my life, my concerns, my values, and my identity can never belong to one place, one person, one idea. Isn’t that what being a modern person of the world is about? I have read here from time to time, and greatly respect your formulating your questions and conflicts, because that is the only way we can become less conflicted, by knowing each other, every one, as a person with doubts and concerns and disagreements and loves, and the struggle to find fulfillment and contentment, wherever we are.
@Laura – I agree with you. We grow as people once we start questioning our selves and our surroundings.
Nice blog!
Mona don’t let anyone bother u ..n closin down ur blog won’t make u feel better u will feel js the opposite .. it’s nt about wat others want .. it’s about wat u want..keep expressing ur self..ur thoughts i like the way u think actually i ask ma self the same questions ..n those who ridicule u i assure u they r nt smart enough .. or even brave enough to write wat u write .. so why don’t they js do us ..n do u a favor n leave the blog !!! why don’t they try to find wat they want in somewhere else ..like hell !! >>don’t give a hoot << ..have a good life!
Yo, breaking stuff isn’t that fulfilling. You should get yourself a guitar and jam when you get pissed. That way you create an outlet for your emotions and you can create songs and throw your messages in there. It’s fun, and a song can be a powerful way to communicate a message. Anyway, why ARE you so negative? Just kidding. Maybe it has nothing to do with your background. Maybe it’s because you have to work with computers! Everytime I use my computer I come really close to breaking the freakin &#^$$, but I use that frustration to inspire my music, and now I have 25 albums about how evil computers are. If you want to close down your blog, I’ll come and smash your computer for you hehe.
please don’t delete it.
seriously, as crazy as this may sound to you, this blog is my dose of sanity when my familys arab culture feels suffocating. Your style of writing is unique and refreshing during times when i feel by myself. it’s nice to know theres another arab girl out there who doesn’t completely agree with the ways of the arab world and isn’t afraid to say it
keep doin what you’re doin!