Time flies when you are nearing the edge
This is not a depressing post… Oh yeah it is. It is about my life. Obviously depressing.
Only 7 days till I turn 28. Yes. A nice even number. Not like 27 and its oddity. Like it makes a difference anyways. Just numbers, and also a waste of life. I can officially say that I am at the edge of my 20′s. I feel like I wasted what supposedly is the best years of my life. However, nothing turns out the way those story books portray life to be. Who cares about my age really. I think I bypassed that point when I turned 25, and suffered from a quarter life crisis. Oh it was not pretty. Can you imagine Mona being 50? Not a pretty sight.
Now, I guess because I am free, and I have too much time on my hand, I keep thinking, how does it feel to like someone again? I mean it. How does it feel to be in love again. Yes. Look at me. I am using that awful word again. Love. Till now I don’t believe in it like I used to, because I think it is like a whirlpool. It keeps spinning and spinning and carrying everything on its edges. And when the whirlpool stops, Bam! Everything falls.
It’s nice to see other people in love. It really is. It means there is hope that life is not so bad, and good things do come out of it. However, do you know what is worse? Seeing other people have depressing stories and asking for guidance. Or they think that I have “experience.” Whatever the hell that means. Many people ask me why it ended. And I repeatedly say, read the friggen blog. Read Year 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and don’t skip a month! It means read the whole thing, and then ask me. I am like this really bad person when it comes to answering questions, because I feel that I cannot elaborate again what I already said. So if I have not replied to your email the past week, don’t take it personally, because I used to suffer from depression.
A few days ago, I got people asking me why I hate guys. When did I ever say that? I make fun of everyone. Especially guys, and for a flavor, girls. I guess I covered both genders. There are equal opportunities to make fun of both all the time.
However, I don’t know how to love anymore. You know, love someone else, and go through all the steps. I think it is childish, or just not something I want to go through all over again. It’s like writing a huge ass thesis, and you accidentally delete it, and don’t know where to start now. Should you start all over or bang your head and hoping the agony is not as bad as what the upcoming inevitable consequences are?
Maybe I am just lonely, and it finally got to me. I am just realizing it now that I am, and I don’t know what I can do to stop this feeling. I think right now I am suffering from a bit of depression. But don’t worry. It is not so bad. I am fine. I have not gone to any shrink. I have not taken any drugs. I have not suffered from insomnia (thank God!). I am just suffering from this thing, and I cannot add any sarcastic comment to relieve this feeling. 
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I can’t tell if this article was fact or fiction, in an attempt to write a pseudo-story but if it is fact here is my advice:
Since when did loving someone become a chore (see: “like writing a thesis”) I’m sorry, but if this is your idea of love then you are probably looking at it the wrong way.
Love is not a job. It is the reason you want to be at home at 5:30pm sharp after work, if you feel it is a chore, perhaps you need to think less about it.
In my opinion, the best relationships happen out of pure blind luck. You meet someone, and you click, and 2 years later oh boy you’re living together! It just flows so easily because it IS easy.
So all I can say is.. if you’re feeling down. Take it easy, talk to new people, old friends, and just relax. Stop thinking about trying to find someone, or how old you are. Who cares?
Life isn’t the rat race society makes it seem like ..
(if my comment made no sense I am sorry, english is not my first language)
@Anon – One thing I have to tell you, “You don’t know me personally. Believe me, you don’t.” It’s not as simple as you think. Nice fake name by the way. Classy. I like to use my real name. Makes sense. Remember I see IP addresses right infront of my face. I know who you are.
I’ve never been in love, don’t know what it is, and I wonder if it really exists. I mean you can like someone or care for them a lot. Is that love? I have to say I don’t know.
@lela – Like is not the same as love. I liked many guys.. Many many. lol How about this. I was obsessed. Let’s call a spade a spade. Anyways, yah.. there is a difference. Once you find love, tell me about it. I am curious to know about the transition.
Screw everything and anything that has to do with love…all it is, is games that never end..I think love is an illusion. Honestly, I believe companionship is more like it..
Love is just BS…a guy can say he loves you one day, and a week later he can totally change his mind…
You need to both go through and experience tough things in life to consider or even classify your feelings under the love category. But how many times does that even happen?
ever*
I was really surprised when I read Lela’s comment, coz I was going to say the same thing, I’ve never been in love, don’t know what is it or how it feels, actually I never felt that there is some thing missing, I have lots of things to worry about in my life, I don’t need a love story to be added to my problems …
And by the way 28 is a young age , you still have a whole life in front of you, why rush things ?? love is never a measure of what has been achieved in life, just relax and enjoy the freedom
Turning 28? oh, my dear!. Well, you had better look forward to enjoying the second last best year of your life. 29 is the peak. It’s all downhill after that. Pray you live as long in misery as me.
@Natalya – I am enjoying the freedom.. but too much of it so far have given me the heebajeebis. I need someone to keep me preoccupied.. you know what I mean.
@doug rogers – don’t even mention the number 29. lool Just kidden!
ahhh.. 25, 28, 29, 30.. they’re all but numbers! It’s become a social expectation to be freaked out when a milestone is nearing! I just turned 30 a few days ago… so what!! I feel exactly the same the day before when I was still 29. Enjoy living, don’t just live for the sake of living. I was blessed with love at 28, there’s no age limit at all to when you’ll be in love and be loved. However, I do strongly believe that you need to get ‘out there’ a little bit. Contrary to belief, love will not come knocking on your door, if you’re keeping yourself locked behind your door. I recall you saying how you did not go to those “Eid gatherings” where ppl gawk at others. I’m with you on the hideousness of that concept, BUT, I think that you may have chances to meet others who’re also reluctantly dragged by their mothers to meet other ‘potentials’, so already you have something in common! And they ‘may be’ good guys, genuine guys, looking for an equally minded gal. You really ‘never know’ unless you try