Today in history:

1980: I was born.
2005: My blog is born.
2008: My God I still have a few sane brain cells left.

Thanks for the earlier birthday wishes. I also got a gift from one of my ultimate fans named Brian Heck. He made a song for the Rebel. This is the new theme song for this blog.

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Blah Blah

Last night, at around 11:30 pm, he emailed me. Yes him. He emailed me to my blog address. I think he wanted to make it official or something. You see, you have to talk crap about people in order for them to appear from the pits of the past. He confessed about some parts of my post, and I don’t want to talk about what happened after that because I don’t feel like crying.

However, all I can say that life is shit. People tell me, oh get over, oh you are a pathetic whiner, blah blah. Maybe I am just like everyone else, have you ever thought of that? But, have you ever felt pain in your chest? Do you feel real physical pain? Do you really know how it is to be heart broken? For some of you who don’t understand, let me explain it. My heart for the past oh 48 hours has been hurting a lot. I feel like someone is squeezing it so bad to the point that I can’t breath. You see, some of us humans have a heart. And we are sensitive, and we mask our selves with such a tough fake exterior to survive life day by day. In my case, this horrible blog.

Welcome to my life. This is my life. This blog is an open diary of FACTS about my daily life and thoughts. I don’t even search for people, they just come flocking to me saying the meanest things, and think I have no feelings. I have feelings dammit, and I cry. I have a really weak heart, and I am very sick right now, emotionally sick.

Confused, They said what?

I have been listening to this song for the past God knows how many hours. The Blues are amazing. I feel like I have been smoking up a lot of crap, and this song is playing to match my mood.

Girls, you must listen to it. Guys, well, listen to it too. Everyone else, which is everyone else who already listened to this, unless you are an ape, lol, then you know this song. It’s very famous and nothing new.

Today is the last day of me being 27. It seems like my last day ever. I don’t know. Who am I kidden? I am not normal. I have a blog. Of course I am not normal.

My taste of Music

When you try to brush away the past, it comes creeping back at you, in a horrible way.

Last night, I was forced to go to my mom’s friend daughter’s wedding. I don’t like going to weddings, because I don’t care to see someone else happy. I don’t care to see other Arabs. That’s the last thing I want to see or care about.

I arrived at this boring wedding, and if you were following me on Twitter last night, I was sending SMS to it, and telling the world everything that I saw as it happened. Twitter is my live blog you can say. So, I arrived around 5:30ish. No one was there. Typical. Arab Standard Time. They don’t know the meaning of time, because to them, everything is an hour later. Around 6:15, more people started showing up. The whole wedding was about 70 people. Maybe less. It was segregated half the time. Women on one side, and men on the other. Because the women wanted to dance in peace without men staring at them. I agree. Men stare. And women can bust a move.

Anyways, let me get back to this 6:15 crap. The room was not curtained till the bride came. Before then, everything was open. Then, the problem occurred. HIS mom and other women that I don’t friggen know showed up and sat at the table next to ours. I was like God why, God why! His mom saw me and started kissing me like crazy, and saying, “I want to kiss you. I really want to!” I thought to my self, “Why?” Fine kiss me, I will clean my face with acid when I get home. That’s no problem. It is just skin.

Where I was sitting, it was the most perfect position at the whole wedding. Back table, and facing straight at everything. I mean it. I can see everyone, and everyone can see me. (Smart move, I know.) Around 6:30ish, well, just my luck, you know who I saw? Yes. You guessed it. I saw HIM. HIM! The EX that I have not seen for over two years, and I have not talked to in a year and a half. A bad interview suddenly took over my head, and went like this:

Logical Mona: Why the fuck am I here?

Crazy Mona: I want to leave now! Now! Screw this wedding. I don’t want to be here!

Logical Mona: I am stuck. My mom dragged me here, and she won’t leave and we just got here!

Crazy Mona: I want to shoot my self now.

Logical Mona: Where the hell is that handgun?

So, after that, I said to my self, “please God, I don’t want him to see me. I don’t want anyone to see me.” So I took out my phone, and I browsed the internet for the rest of the night. Even while eating, I had my head bent down, and was browsing the net. I was sending SMS back and forth with Lisa, and she kept saying, “oh my God! You kidden?” And then out of no where, my brother sent me SMS saying, I sent you 600 bucks. I was like ya baby ya! I needed some money earlier today, cause I felt like I needed a Netbook. Like I need more computers.

So, I was enjoying the segregation, until they decided to open it for men dancing. I was like what the fuck. At around 8:15, I kept nagging my mom by telling her, “can we go. Can we go!” She kept saying no, because that’s what mothers do. I told her, “I have to go pee! I want to go home!” She said, “go to the washroom!” I then couldn’t help it anymore, and went to the washroom. After that, I decided to go outside in the -15c weather and make a call. I called Lisa, and I said, “I WANT TO LEAVE! Why my luck why! Why am I here??” She obviously thought I was crazy, but I don’t blame her. She befriended a lunatic, and she felt sorry for me. Thanks Lisa.

During the course of the evening, his mom kept talking to a lady that was sitting on our table, and she kept staring at me. I am like what the hell is wrong with you woman. Leave me alone. I am not an object to look at. Or do you feel sorry for me? Or do you feel that I was too good for your son, and now you regretting it because my God, I actually look good? You never noticed that I look like a real Arab?

Later in the evening, things winded down, and most people were sitting down. For some odd reason, he decided to move tables to a table on the other side of the hall that is right across from mine. The hall is pretty small, so imagine it. Then out of no where, or maybe I am blind or something, but he kept staring at me. You know how uncomfortable I felt? I wanted to pinch my mom and tell her to fucking get out of here. But no. So why was he staring at me? I have no clue. Wasn’t he married to some chick from another country that he barely knew? Isn’t that what typical Arabs do?

Then around 10ish, finally, oh finally my mom decided to go! I was relieved! Then, as I was leaving, his mom wanted to say bye to me, and she kissed me again. And said, “oh you are so cute. May God always be with you and my heart is with you.” By the way, I didn’t reply back. I just gave a fake smile.

Then, the best part of the whole wedding happened. You know when you decorate a cake, and you spend all those precious minutes making it look perfect, then you decide, my golly, I have to top it up with a cherry to make it ever so perfect. As I was walking out with my family, I had to pause a bit at the doorway where mom decided to talk to someone. I was like great! Perfect. Then we walked, and waited at the door for the car to arrive in the -20c weather. Yes. temperatures were dropping drastically last night.

So, I looked back, and he was walking towards us. I was like fuck no. He wants to go out for a smoke? But he didn’t have a coat on. Hmm. Then he curved to the men’s washroom. I was like phew. Five seconds later, he got out of it. I was like, huhh? You had to see me go you fucker? What a lame way of doing it! At that point, I really wanted to take a heavy object and throw it at him. Why did he walk after me as I was leaving? Why the lame ass attempt? Oh. I think because I knew him for about 6 years. You see, that’s what happens to people that you knew for a very long time, and maybe had this feeling called love. Which I no longer believe in because of THAT!

What do I say about all this? My life is just a horrible bad selected theaters movie. That’s my life.

Blah Blah, Confused, They said what?, Whatever!

The few seconds of this video explains it all.

I hate weddings and people and seeing people from the past that I should not have seen! Sorry for the end of the video. It was my way of cheering me up and being arrogant.

Angry, Depressed