I have been a Facebook addict lately, because I have to keep up with all the people. I mean it, THE PEOPLE! YOU THE PEOPLE! However, those people intimidate the hell out of me. I am like holy crapiolli! Those people I don’t know in real life and visit my site are GORGEOUS!

Seriously, the more people that add me, the more I will have self esteem issues. No, I am just kidden. I had nothing to write about today, and Facebook is always a fascinating place to make some useless comment about. So, if you added me to Facebook, then you were a most likely candidate for GORGEOUS!

Also, I have been having fun chatting with people on Facebook. Yes, I do chat with people! I also add applications, and throw snow balls back at people. Since I am an avid social networker, I thought to my self, “well, people spend 5 minutes of their life every day reading my pointless crap, then I should at least talk to them and ask them why the hell they read it.”

If you haven’t yet, and seriously want to talk to me, then add me to Facebook. If you are scared of me, but live in London, ON, then my profile is open to you. You can peek and see for your self. I got nothing but people, lots of comment, and no pics.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

Have you ever wished you were someone else?

I have that feeling every single day. I think I always wanted to be someone else, and doing lots of great things other than the nothing that I ended up doing so far in my life. Yes, I am educated. Yes, I have work experience as a computer programmer, but do you guys know how many sanity brain cells you loose cause of it? Crazy is not strong of a word to describe how I ended up being. I was so normal before I was a programmer, and I went crazy cause of it. I ended up going to psychologists, and I constantly felt I was not treated fairly because I was a girl stuck in a computer world of mostly males. I pretty much was done for, and I was seriously depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy programming, but I wish I felt I was doing a job worth something in the long run, and I can look back and say that what I did was awesome.

I think most people at my old age want to get married and have a family, but I don’t. I think it has to do with me not believing in this thing called love anymore. However, I do believe in obsession with gorgeous looking guys (thank the Lord All Mighty for Facebook. Amen!), but marriage, no way!

I don’t know what I want, and I have been out of work for over 3 months, and I still don’t know what I want. I know I don’t want to work for the man. I don’t want to be enslaved in a desk at a 9-5 job doing something that is not worth anything, and no room for me to improve or climb the ranks. I don’t want to be tied down to anything really, and I want to do something that is so new and great. I think I want to invent something, or create something new, but crap that is worthless, I am not doing that again.

So, what do I really want? What kind of person should I have been, wish I was, or should I try to be?

I don’t know. I am still trying to decide that, but I know that I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. I find it boring. Life is supposed to be a fun journey where we make the best of it and strive to make great new things. I need to focus on THAT, and stop obsessing with the past. I am drug free, worry free, and I can sleep most days. And NO! my insomnia happens once in a blue moon, but not every other day like it used to be. God, I don’t even want to remember all that. I keep wanting to read my blog posts from the beginning (almost 3 years ago), to remember all the crap that I wrote, but I am scared to read it and realize that I was TOTALLY crazy.

Do you think only crazy people have blogs?

Do you guys feel that I am writing to my self or to you guys? I read this over and thought, Dear God! I am crazy and I am writing what is really in my head, and should not say out loud or in public. Man, cookoo.. cookoo..

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

I don’t know why in the world anti-Palestenian people come to my site, and tell me, “You are not Arab. You were under Turkish rule, and Palestinians are not really Arabs. Palestine was never ruled under Arabs, and there was no Palestenian language. Just people who had no desire for rule, and didn’t have anything important to define them as a group of people such as a separate language, etc. ”

The funny thing is, that some dumb ass also wrote to me that once America deteriorates, then it is show-down for Palestinians. No more of them.

I don’t want to get into politics and history, but the next person who dares writes complete horse shit on my site, and expects me to approve it and accept it must be out of their mind. At least I am a peaceful person, a true Arab, a true Muslim, and doesn’t want to live every day with a gun under my pillow afraid from my neighbour that I stole his home and country!

You people seriously need to wake up and stop all this history crap and who owned what land. It’s GOD’s land. You will die, and you will have nothing left. You are NOT immortal! This earth belongs to God! NOT YOU!

I am damn proud to be Palestenian. I have no shame of who I am. I am an Arab! I am Palestenian! I speak ARABIC! My birth certificate says I am Palestenian! So give it a rest people, and accept the fact that we are who we are, and you are who you are. In the end, God judges us as a person for what we did in our life time, not by what religion or ethnicity we are. It doesn’t matter where we live on this earth, in the end it belongs to God!

Jesus Christ! Oh God! La Ilaha Ila Allah! People need to seriously use their brains and think logically for once. Once you die, nothing is left. NOTHING!

Angry, Idiots, They said what?, Whatever!

I grew up in different environments throughout my life, and with different types of friends. A selected few because I am the anti-social butterfly. I was always shy, did not talk much, and really didn’t feel like I had something worth talking about. Because of that, I did not have many friends. It didn’t bother me much, because I was a bit logical and kept thinking of why would anyone really want to be friends with a girl who didn’t talk much, or say anything worth listening to?

Throughout high school, I did not have any “friends.” Maybe because I went to different high schools cause of my move to Canada. I was a nerd and a loner. I was too smart for my own good, and was stuck in classes with people older than me, and being born in December and being ahead didn’t help. So technically, I was almost 1.5 years younger. I mean come on, I was so nerdy, I did not study for trigonometry or chemistry tests and got 100%. People seriously hated me, and till now I think science is the best thing on earth.

Well, I tried to have friends in my final grade 13 year with Arabs, but then I discovered that I could not be friends with any Arab just because they are Arab. They are my people, we are foreigners in this strange land, and we should bond together through thick and thin. That’s how I thought, but took me one month to discover that was pure bull shit, and I quickly ended any friendship that was based on talking behind my back and calling me a white washed nerd. They thought I was born here because I had no accent, and I was not like them, and did not understand how it is to be a foreigner. Ok… whatever.

That was then, and eventually I returned to a shy person all over again, but I was a bit more open, and slowly had a clique of selected friends. However, the more friends I had, the more I noticed that people really did not listen to me.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves: people do not listen to me. I listen to them, but they don’t do the same to me. I don’t know why, and they wonder why I am not talkative or ask about them much. What am I supposed to really tell them? Am I to say, “well, I try to talk to you and have a conversation that is more than one minute long, but you slowly ignore me and stop replying back and changing the subject to your satisfaction.” This is NOT through msn or any virtual medium. This is in real life; face-to-face.

I am different. I am an Arab girl who is a total nerd, doesn’t look like one, obsessed with technology and the internet, and creates websites just for fun. I do not care much about shopping for particular things. I like looking like a bum sometimes. I do not talk on the phone for hours, because I hate phones. How many Arab girls like me out there? Or girls in general?

Now, I am noticing that same trend again with some people, and not just Arabs. I think there is seriously something wrong with the way I speak that people don’t give a rat’s ass if they listen to me or not. I see it. I really do see it. Maybe the only satisfaction I get is from this blog. I feel people are actually listening (reading) what I really have to say, but I am not real life friends with them.

Maybe I should start obsessing over girly things and pretend to be normal, but I do not know the first thing about anything to do with the latest trends. Maybe I should gain new interests, but do I really want to change my interests to satisfy other’s personalities to keep or gain friendships? Isn’t that called “fake?”

I was thinking of something fake to do. Dear GOD! forgive me for I had sinful thoughts! Amen!

Phew.. I like being my self, but I wish others did too.

Advice, Culture, Ranting as usual!, They said what?

The last person, pictured above, to get relationship advice from, is the most amazing person you will ever meet. Also, the goofiest person you will ever meet, and happens to love making faces and laughing at people.

ME!

Oh man, where shall I start people? I will start off by the numerous emails I get from people. I love you people, but when you ask for relationship advice from me, then you seriously have problems. No offense, I am not questioning your intelligence. I know you are a very charming smart individual, but seriously, you are asking advice from the Rebellious Arab Girl. You are asking for a break up! You are asking to cry night after night, to weep a year from now, and to constantly bang your head at the bathroom mirror. Is that what you want? Are you people crazy?

Let me tell you a bit about my self my lovely clique of followers. I am going to be 28 years old in less than 20 days. I am not in a relationship with anyone. I have not had a real human relationship with anyone for maybe over 2 years now I think. I am a bit crazy. Guys only like me cause they “think” I am pretty. But once they get to know me, they either want to stay with me cause I am a hot Arab girl who actually looks like an Arab (hint hint), or they choose to live a lie and think they like my tough non-Arabic personality, just so they can say I am with a hot girl. Once I find out they don’t like me because I am tougher, smarter and more worldly than them, then I use the best weapon known to human kind, the internet blog world!

Yes, I made this blog to break up with guys. Well, one guy. Why the hell was I using a plural there? Anyways, so I made this blog to get back at him, insult him, tell him off, etc, because I refused to email or chat anymore with him. This obsession with me continued on up to late last year. Seven months later, he went off and got married and moved on. Only way to forget me is to marry any girl that lives far away from Canada as possible. So don’t have a relationship with me, because I am not your best choice. I may end up damaging your personality. Like TOTALLY!

So, that’s a bit about me. Who wants to have a relationship with me? If you do, I feel sorry for you. I still don’t understand why some guys email me through this blog telling me that they “love” me, and give me their digits. Does it look like I will call you?

Unfortunately, today, my dearest most awesome friend Lisa, that happens to be born the same day as me, but waaaaaay younger. 365 days younger. Jeez Lisa, you are getting old. Anyways, I called her and she started sobbing and wondering about some guy. I told her, “dude, you are asking the wrong person. I am the last person you should ask. You know better!” She said, “but I have no one else, and you seem to know everything, and better understand guys than me.” Ok. That’s when I realized my best friend is on crack and needs her head checked. I told her, “yo, dude, FYI, when was the last time I had a relationship with ANY guy?” I don’t know if she got the point, but seriously, people need to wake up and have a taste of reality. Mona is not a relationship expert. I am the relationship destroyer.

Seriously, are you a guy who is crazy enough to have a relationship with a Rebellious Arab Girl? I didn’t think so.

Confused, Funny, They said what?, Whatever!