Are good people always the victims of life?

You’ll get your guy inshaAllah.

I think those girls hide everything and know how to act to make guys and their families like them. I know your not going to like what I’m going to say. But I think you may have to go out of your comfort zone and maybe act like the typical arab girl. I know it’s not the right thing to say but I think it’s the truth. In the end it’s really what you feel.

my advice…stop comparing yourself to other people….allah yistor everyone, u don’t know their circumstances just like u have ur own….
kil wa7ad be 7alo, ma 7adda takes naseeb wa7ad tanny…
allah yiwafe2ek

Well said jilly willy ..Allah yestor 3alaina.
I think everybody get what they deserve..attayeboona lil tayebaat.but what got my attention was Lela’s advice when she said act like a typical Arab girl….outch

You will find someone – or as I like to believe within myself, the person will suddenly find me.

I would bet many of those girls are unhappy. My ex-wife thought she was suppose to marry, but it turns out she was unhappy throughout most of our relationship – and it wasn’t because of me, but because she felt she could not have the freedoms she could have had if she were single, so she resented me and our marriage. (How she handed it and why we are now divorced are a much longer story). But, here I am now, 27 years old, successful in my job and already married and divorced.

Oftentimes, those who have enough intelligent to hold our own have a hard time finding love not because people don’t find us attractive, but because they are unsure of themselves. I’m assuming that I will find the person who will love me for who I am when the time is ready and my intellect, personality and shyness will not drive them away. You seem like someone who has many of the same problems as I do and I think, in someways, is why I find it comforting when I read your blogs.

Just don’t let it get you down, it’s tough sometimes, I know. But it’s better to question why, then to be miserable in a marriage you do not wish to be in because you can’t be yourself.

There are so many girls who feel this way and in all cultures and religious.It seems like the Indian,the Muslims(non Arab)all suffer the same fate.
It makes me wonder…are these good guys we see not just good after marrige? Like they dont know anything about the “naughty girl pretendind to be good”,maybe the girl dont know anything about the “good guy”
I have met people in this situation… and their lives are not as glomorous as portrayed by them. I have come to realise that I’m blessed by being the outcast in this situation. After all God knows best and he is Just.

Hey Mona, I often feel the same way (with genders reversed). I wish you the very best! I’m sure that being an intelligent and beautiful Arab girl will help you find the right guy one of these days. I would say we should compete in a little game: “who can start dating an opposite-gendered Arab first”, but I think you’re going to win! *hugs*

Hi Mona,
What has happened to that fiery girl whom I chanced upon some six months back. You don’t know me. I never commented on any of your posts. But I liked reading your blog. After a long hiatus I returned to see a sulking Mona. Which isn’t like you. BTW its either the way you are or the married life. Choose what you want.

In other words, Mona, why do good people finish last? Why do the innocents (Gaza) get killed for no reason? I sometimes think I have finally figured out how life works and then something proves I don’t. If we figure out all of lifes answers, Mona, what’s there left to do? If you want to meet a guy and fall in love then go ahead and get it done. I am almost 100% certain this weird existence of ours only lasts one life time, regardless of what God supposedly promises, so live a full life. Identify a problem in your life and then quickly fix it. Move onto another problem and fix it too. As quick as you came into existence you will one day flicker away into star dust so get going!

I happen to be a good guy, by the way, with similiar luck when it comes to getting married. You sound like a very nice person so we should meet some time for coffee or something. But since we are good arabs, the rules would make that difficult, right?

Very interesting post!

I totally agree with @schenker that this happens with a lot of guys too – this feeling of comming last.

However, living in the UK, I also notice that people who are screwed up and get around and married etc, don’t quite get anywhere in life (generally). They are the ones with family and relationship issues, and screwed up kids. I know that it sucks to be yourself and not get anywhere, but at the end of the day – you want a guy to love you for being Mona, and not because they want you to conform to their liking.

Relationships, and life are all about compromise. The day you find your guy, it will be the happiest day of your life! Till then, don’t worry too much (I know it’s easy to say), keep believing, and keep being YOU!

Mona,
First, you are setting up barriers for yourself if you are wanting to get married. They are mostly mental barriers (only marry an Arab as opposed to other Muslims being an example). Secondly, and you wont like what I have to say…you are too self absorbed. This self absorption causes depression. You need to get out (I realize thats difficult with current weather) and help others. By helping others you will realize how happy it will make you feel (man or no man) and that will change you in a way that will attract others. Finally, you have to decide what you want. You love being yourself (which is good) but you have to realize that all relationships are a series of compromises and things you will either have to learn to accept about the other or be willing to change about yourself to make things work. Marriage is 1/2 the deen for a great many reasons. Just advice from an older person who feels your pain.

@Saud
By the way…your lack of belief in the akhira is a very dangerous thing and may remove you from Islam if you are not careful.

IO makes a lot of sense in their first comment.

You may not like to hear it and you may not notice, but as outsiders looking in it’s definitely apparent. Like you said in an earlier post it is your choice, but you’ll also have to deal with the consequences of setting up all these barriers. That means limiting yourself to a very very small group that MIGHT meet your needs in a partner.

IO is also right in that you have to get out and find interest in others. If you don’t take interests in others they will never take interest in you.

Well reincarnation for a start. We are paying debts of a past life karma or God is testing us. Either way we should be good for the sake f being good, whatever is thrown at us, whether good or bad, just accept it with Grace, then you are part of the Absolute anyway so deep down whether someone praises you or cusses you it doesn’t matter as you are part of the BIG I AM not the small I with attachment. When you stop fighting and go with the flow at some point you can alter the state of reality by removing conflict within yourself. Hence you can turn a lot of Morons on Youtube into friends, and even saints lol. I

I don’t have any advice as I am not very good at life at all.

I will say this. I used to really hate my life as well.

Then I started to say, “No,” to the things I didn’t want to do. My life seemed to get much worse!

Now things are better. Why is that?

I have no idea. Although I’d like to think I got some big insight, but I didn’t. I used to think I was a good person who was treated unfairly in life, but I realized that was not true as well. Overall, I’d say I’m a pretty crappy person. Not the best, not the worst, either.

Things can definitely get worse again for me. We’ll see.

But the point is that there’s probably not some kind of magic formula to make things better or worse or it would be on the market all ready. Oh, yea, they do have that formula, I tried it, and it was good, but not a long term solution.

Those “bad girls” you know are not necessarily the ones who are leading “picture-perfect” and fortunate lives. You never know that they also have a lot to complain about and are actually very miserable now. These girls are the ones who made bad decisions because they were bad. But not all “bad girls” remain bad, you know. People change and probably the marriage they have now taught them things that changed their attitudes and outlooks towards life and to everybody.
Good girls on the other hand are sometimes in a dilemma–whether by choice or by God’s hand. Good girls don’t get married right away because they have good standards and don’t get the “right man” immediately because these girls have “idealistic standards” that fit their own good qualities. If you are educated, generous and spiritual, you tend to pick men who are educated, generous and spiritual. Some good girls are planned by God to be married to the right good men and when God plans, He has His own time. I married late and I thought I was not “good enough” for good men. But when I got married, I suddenly realized it was actually planned by God at the right time. If I married earlier to jerks that I dated before, I couldn’t imagine how my life would have been worse being married to anyone of them. So I think of this way; God gives good things to good people at the right time. Meanwhile, He is preparing each one of you–you and that right man by testing both you through trials.
Read my post about my dilemma of being a single woman for many many years;
http://tinyurl.com/85dk8z

Meanwhile, don’t compare yourself. Be the best you can be by being yourself.

IO,

Even though I was raised Muslim, I do not consider myself one now as an adult. I am convinced that God does exist but it’s highly unlikely He is as described in any of the religions. Do you think people 1500 to 2000 years ago would be able to understand evolution instead of the simple concept of creationism? Perhaps God’s explanation of how we came to be and everything else is intentionally wrong but to serve a purpose.

Have you tried outside the Arab circle?

Like someone said above, good people finish last Why be good when you can be human right? we all make mistakes and do a lot of wrong

End of the day there is no good or bad just human free-will

Hope you fine true love inshallah

Life is a bitch!!! I would recommend a glass of red wine and Abdel Halim Hafez .

Goooood girl then a good cup of tea (anything but not Lipton) with Farid al-Atrash.
?????? ???? ?? ??????

@Mona
I hear you about the language and all probably easier for men

@imad
Dude Adel Halim is so 1960’s, haven’t Arab girls found a replacement?

why I can’t write in Arabic here!!!
Arabic girl fix it please.

@wun
legends never die!!!

It is mostly the good ppl who are the victims. And hey, were you victimized in any way?

buuuuuuuuu MOna i had been wondering the same thing many times but yes this about life and i want to believe about the apple’s tree u remember about the good appless and that shit i whish to believe on it but until someone decide to get the good apple we must keep walking cz life doesnt stop buuuuuuuuuu

I think Mona you r overexhausting your brain’s muscles a little bit 2much….I too am 10% worried about myself and have come down 2 Mumbai 4rm Dubai 4 d same(marriage)…3-4months here..Spent plenty of my hard-earned money..no lucks yet!!But mine is a bit different story…I am a divorcee(married a English girl inspite of being coming 4rm a very conservative Hindu family)its hardly lasted 12 months…I had fought wid my family and married against their admission…see now/ I too am lonely but am not suffering..I take each day as my last day and enjoying, focusing om my targets,client’s deadlines etc…& ofcouse personal hobbies. I am not sorry 4 anything or dont expect anyone to feel sorry for me: I hate this lame-duck-emotions-self pity!! You’re v.good looking women with good brains & humble nature…I think the other way round::Who is that unlucky-pathetic arab turd who dont wanna marry you? coz he aint knowing what’s he missing!!..so Stay Tough & Kool as u r!!

@Nana
I said MAYBE act like the typical arab girl. Some guys and families are looking for girls like that. But I said, “In the end it’s only what feels right for her.” And her answer was clear. She will never change who she is for a guy. I was not considered a typical arab girl either and have been told I need to change. I was just giving advise I have recieved before.

@Professor Mikey
You make a very good point! My ex was simillar in the sense – she wanted a relationship, and all the effort from my side (ofcourse), but also wanted her full fledged freedom like a single person. Relationships are not about I’s but about We’s. I guess a lot of people don’t understand that, but I can see that you appreciate this!

@Mona
“I am speaking in the terms that life has not been fair to me.” – A friend recently mentioned to me (in an attempt to comfort me during a tricky period for me) – Good guys don’t come last anymore; they get disqualified. Life is not fair – we know that… but always remember – you rather be happy with someone who cares for you forever rather than short periods of joy, and long periods of struggle. Your ethics and morals are known to you, and are actually worth something not only here, but also in the hereafter; keep that in mind, and give life a chance. 2009 is the year for change – let’s hope and pray for it!

@bingkee
I like what you are saying

@Lela @Nana @Mona
Guys! Isn’t stereotyping arab girls a bad idea? Does a “typical” arab girl, in this day and age, really exist? Is that the sound of sharp cat paws I hear? *runs*

i like you just the way you are. honestly. good things come to those who wait….even if it means waiting awhile.

Well, life is how people make things happen, not only as personal choices but the people around too, the culture, the government, the useless religions… Guess the only way to really not be a victim is to realize that we are only victimized by our own choices, nothing beyond that, no magic explanations or excuses.

Found your blog searching for a picture, it’s nice. =)

Cheers, good luck.

@Lela
Typical Arabic Girl? the definition of that would be an uneducated sleaze bag who goes around dating 6 guys at a time, who never opens a book, doesn’t know the real meaning of hard work (because everything is handed down to her) always lies to both her friends and family about where she is going, who is she with, and what is she doing..Some one who thinks the latest news on Paris Hilton is more important than the death rate of those who are suffering in Gaza..who can’t even open their mouth and speak with some intelligence, because all they worry about is their looks; plastered piles of makeup on their faces, their hair color is dyed differently every month, and are committing every bad sin in the book….YET…they are living in a lie, they are a lie, and they will die as a lie…they lie about everything and anything so that when it is actually time to settle down, their parents and their potential future partner would not have to question about anything….Now you tell me why should Mona and girls like her ( hence, myself and others) Live a lie?
Something that life will teach you is never to change who you are just for someone to like you..they should like you because of you..because of your eye color, because of you smarts both book wise and street wise, because of your heart..and because of you….not because of all this other foolish things like how to pour Arabic coffee in a cup…(as what Mona stated in an earlier blog post) ta hell with conformity..word of advice if you are a good person..why should you change? NEVER CHANGE FOR THE LIKINGS OF SOME ONE ELSE..if he doesn’t like something about you that you think is an important aspect to like then you should end it then and there and tell him to plant his seeds elsewhere…

@jilly willy
Dude, how the heck was she comparing her self to others? It’s her blog she’s able to speak freely about what she is going through and how she feels….

@Professor Mikey
You always seem to dazzle me with your comments..the majority of the girls that I know who got married at such a young age end up dreading the fact that they did…In the past 2 weeks I had at least 5-7 customers who came into the place where I work and complained to me about their martial issues! In my mind I was going mad because you would expect these people to be happy (given the fact of the environment where I work..hence a flower shop) But they aren’t..the majority of the customers I had ranged from their early 20s (23) to their 60’s and they all told me that marriage isn’t what it seems to be..a lady told me that marriage isn’t everything..there are a lot of people out there who are married but are unhappy and they stick around because of their kids, or financial reasons/problems and what not..I truly believe that in this day and age marriage shouldn’t be stressed upon..for sure you will find the person you love..God isn’t that cruel..maybe it will take some time..but you can’t just expect that person to land fully on your lap you need to get yourself out there..like what they say you meet the nicest people on strange occasions….The thing I hate the most is that people rely on marriage to solve and take away their problems that’s why a lot of girls get married at a young age.. A study has proven that the majority of people who thought they would be happier after marriage ended up being more miserable..

@bingkee
Couldn’t have said it any better, I’m pretty content that Mona will find someone to share and spend the rest of her life with..it’s all in the nick of time…yalla go out to the mall you might bump into your future beau…:P

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you darling, your a great person..and these Arab guys who think and act like that would never have a chance with you..(because your way better than that)
these girls only run to marriage to get away from their problems..and come on…a father that would accept his daughter to get married at 19-21 must be on dope or something..he just wants to get rid of her right away..because A; shes giving hi ma hard time or B: he cant afford having her live at home….One day you will be “happily” married..you’ve been through it all Mona, you have a good head on your shoulders don’t let people and things like this bother you..I know how you feel and where you stand..God isn’t cruel…

you’re an idealist. and one of the ‘good people’. It’s not that nice people finish last it’s just that you think that because you’re good, good things will happen.

Whereas those other people you speak of.. they get what they want because they want it.

Jonnhy (Johnny?)
You said it “spot on”. Also, to Mona, Maybe you find it hard to accept someone into your life (heart).
Why limit yourself to a
Arab men only?

@jade
That is not a typical Arab girl. That just shows you have a lot of hate.