Is history only allowed for men?

I know what you are talking about. I don’t get it either. My uncle wanted to marry this girl but rumors started going around that she talked to her neighbor’s son and my uncle backed out as soon as you can say 1,2,3. I was like what is the big deal if she talked to someone? I know for a fact that he used to talk to females too.

I always thought it was strange for guys to be that way. I know, personally, as long as I know once I am with someone that we share in common the idea that we are not going to go outside of each other – I don’t care what she did before me.

Hey Mona

I read this and few other things about Arabs you wrote. You�re completely right, but I have to say things have changed indeed. I mean here in Amman dating is no longer a bid deal! or even dating someone with a “history”. Actually its even desirable or encouraged, people no longer marry based on the contacts their parents have. They do date for a couple of years minimum. I do confess some people�s mentality haven�t change, sooo they still do that!! Where guys choose girls with a clean history. Like they prefer if they were the 1st in her life. Its hard to change their mentality if not impossible. Sometime I feel they are even �conservative� to think !!

Oh I just remembered something that happened here few weeks ago, that was really shocking to me. A moron 29-year old guy wanted to marry a 17-year old girl. She happens to be his mother�s friend daughter. Anyways, my father was invited, you know when they read the �fatha�, so they brought a “shiek” and everything was ready. Then when my father figured out how old she was, he couldn�t help it, because she was my age, he ended up talking to her secretly, she was forced into it. Surprisingly, my dad wasn�t the only one against it, the �sheik� himself ended it and refused to be part of it. He said it was �harram� to destroy her future , she has to finish her education before thinking of marriage, plus he was against arranged-marriages. Like any couple should meet or decently date and know each other before.

Moreover, since I know many Arabs in my school who have been born and raised in USA or Canada. Its seems like a trend, when they turn 15,/16, their parents decide to ship them back to the Arab World. I guess they are scared that the western culture will change them. It takes them few months to realize that things have changed here. It ridiculously hilarious how my generation, my parents generation and my grandparents generation are completely different, sometimes its really hard to get along or have a decent conversion that wont end up with a fight, or them saying they are older and wiser, or referring to religion and our culture. My point here, I believe from what you wrote and from my friends families that the Arabs who moved out of the Arab world are far more conservative than us, and haven�t change at all, like they maintained the past and how it was during their time here.

Wow, this is the first time I ever comment and I wrote that much, ;D, lol

ukh…just as Maria stated in Jordan it isnt a big deal, same goes for the rest of the middle east (well, the new-aged middle easterners)
HOWEVER..the guys that live in North and South America are the total opposite, they claim to be open minded and what not..yet they are traditional as heck..Give me a break..I mean..they do everything bad in the book, and when they want to settle down they want to be with a girl..who is younger because as they proclaim them to be some perfect angel with virgin ears..give me a break..they are wrong..and I condemn the majority of arab men for that reason alone….

You know,I believe that guys don’t want to marry one with clean history since they know well that most people aren’t because we are HUMAN BEINGS not angels.They just want someone to pretend to have a clean one.
You remember what you wrote about those living a lie.It’s exactly the same,The don’t pay for your honesty and courage to tell the whole truth ,they do exactly the opposite and think it’s rudeness..They lie and xpect you to do the same.It may even-when you tell the truth-make them feel bad and pity for themselves not having your honesty.
But believe me,not all of them are like this.
Not all guys lie and like lies.Those who like telling the truth understand.

Okay so I’m not an Arab guy. But guys mature at a slower rate then women. But we do catchup. And people change as they get older. When I turned 33 I made a rule that I would only date women who were no younger than 29. It worked well for me.
Some people are lucky to find someone at a young age. Others it takes longer. Both my parents were 27 when they got married. They were married till the day my mother passed away.
When I was younger there were things I tolerated and some things that I didn’t. Now, there are things that I tolerated when I was younger but don’t anymore.
No one person if perfect. But when you find the right person, the flaws they have really don’t matter. Ok, if they are serial killer that MATTERS. But if they might have a few extra pounds or a gray hair or two, if there is love, those things won’t matter.

As usually, I really enjoyed this post. It was highly entertaining. I probably should not comment being a vanilla white person. However, being who I am, how can I resist?

I find this highly funny that men believe that women have no history when it comes to other people. I would NOT want to marry someone who had no history for many reasons. First of all, I’d think that something was very wrong with her. I do understand that some people are asexual. They don’t think about relationships at all. I have a close friend like that. He never had a relationship in the decade I knew him, and he expressed zero interest in men nor women.

The question is, “Do I wanna marry someone like this?”

I imagine it would be so romantic. (sarcasm)

Or do the men expect you to magically change because they are so amazing? I have realized that, overall, I was hopelessly average, and that no woman was going to see me as someone special unless I spent a long time with her. Otherwise, why pick me over the millions of other guys on the street? I am not an actor quality in appearance. I am poor. I’m not very bright.

Still, I did manage to find the perfect wife. Before she dated me, she dated a bunch of guys the same summer. Why not? She’s young and beautiful. What’s she supposed to do? Sit home all the time and wait for me? If she wasn’t so open to going out w/ many people, she would not have found me.

I like the way you say back home in comment #7 – it kinda affirms your identity as an (Rebellious) Arab girl!

A lotta guys don’t like to come clean about their past because they either:
a) Have a lot of dirty laundry; or
b) are worried that coming clean will mean then losing something which is going for them.

Either ways, a sensible person will take circumstances into account rather than react. Something to support that would be the fact that, although we live in a liberal society in the western hemisphere, our families are still conservative (in most instances) – atleast the one generation up are. As a result, no matter how screwed up the guy is, the girl has to have an uncheckered past; it’s a matter of family pride, status and simillar BS.

I know you wrote from an Arab perspective, but again, us Indians have something very simillar going on too!

It’s sad sometimes when people interfere too much with your love life. It happened to me and my Omani ex. His family thought I wasn’t good enough (despite the fact I have three college degrees, wrote a book, and served my country (military)). Even his uncle said I was a wonderful woman BUTTTTTTTT……….Ok, off my soapbox.

It def. seems like a man’s world in may aspects.

It’s not right, but who am I to judge lol. It’s a cultural thing that I won’t understand. From a human prospective, you feel what you feel regardless of age and culture.

Alot of Arab women are trying to change the norm. You know the answer, don’t act like your nose is bleeding:) It’s a big deal to do some “bad stuff” before marriage, Islam doesn’t allow this.