The eyes still remember the pain
I woke up this morning with another major pink eye episode. I think we all had enough seeing it in the past on this site of mine, so I will spare you the horror, and just reiterate how much it hurts. It hurts. It really hurts! 
The whole pink eye reminded me of an incident that happened to me in grade 9 back in my memorable years in Tennessee. I would say that I spent the most self discovery years of my life there when I first moved to the US. I think living in the most conservative area in the states, and with a population of Arabs to equal the number of fingers I have, has really made me a different person. I don’t think I would have been the same person if I moved to Canada first and never been to the states.
I became more quiet. I became revengeful. I became ruthless. I became heartless.
I also learned what it meant to be different. It made me learn the non-Arab life. I grew up around western mentality. I grew up in the west. I learned different things, and maybe that’s why I have hard time learning what Arabs are, with their obscure culture and traditions. All I knew that I should follow my religion, and that’s the way I was raised. Being an Arab was a bonus because it is Islam’s main language. That’s all.
Anyways, that’s enough introduction to my messed up life and the way I am. I remember in grade 9 how I was not like the rest. I didn’t do what other people did. I didn’t have a boyfriend. I didn’t go to other people’s homes and partied out. I was not in any social circle outside school or even had friends outside of school. You can say I was no one to anyone. So, the only people that ever talked to me where the girls I met first day in highschool in homeroom. It was a different highschool than my middle school. It was in a different area, with different people. The girls seemed nice. No one else talked to me or cared to say hi to me. I was also a quiet person and I didn’t feel I had anything to say to them. All they talked about was boys, boyfriends, gossip on others, and far too many pregos at the age of 14 to talk about. It was sad really, and made me wonder, why were people that stupid?
So, I didn’t have any friends. Just people I talked to, or to be honest, just listened to and had lunch with in the cafeteria. It was just a group to sit with and eat lunch. That was it. Because we all know that sitting with people in the school’s cafeteria during lunch is the most important thing during the day. That’s just the way highschool is.
In the little group I sat with, one of the girls had a boyfriend. He was smoking hot. I am not joking. Anyways, so he either sat with her, or sometimes sat with his jock friends. But most of the time, with her. One day, out of no where in homeroom, she bitched at me because I sat next to her boyfriend the day before. It was the only seat left…??? 
Her, and the other girls that are her friends, who sat in the table told me that I was planning to steal him, and I should not sit with them anymore.
Well, a person like me, who didn’t really care about that girl’s boyfriend, and I didn’t really have any friends, spent the day holding my tears back. I took my lunch and sat outside alone in the cold. After that, I couldn’t hold my tears and talk. What did I really do that was so bad? And so intolerable? Was I going to spend the rest of the school year sitting alone? It’s enough I felt different and no one cared to talk to me, but what did I really do? Why me?
My tears and red eye hid all day because of my glasses. I have been wearing glasses for reading since I was 13 years old. And on that day, I was happy that I wore them.
The girls noticed that I was crying in science class, and they couldn’t take it. Why would a guilty girl not be able to hide her tears, not even during class? The next day, the girls apologized to me and told me to sit with them again. I did for the rest of the school year, but I never forgot what they did to me. The year after, I met different people because I was taking advanced level classes, and just sat with them and never talked to those girls again.
I think glasses are powerful. They are not only made to see clearer, but to hide the pain. My miserable pain.
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when you cry dont hide the tears. wear them like a shield. when i cry i show them to the world. im not afraid. pain is like a season. the seasons are a miracle i mean it is mentioned alot in the quran. their are those cold days when that last leaf is hanging from the tree ready to fall but never does, just like a tear hangs in your eye. and in the summer we cry from every pore of our body. we may not feel sad, but the body has to cool down…
I do see what you mean about glasses, maybe that’s why I never wore them, I had gotten good at hiding the pain within and letting it out when no one was around.
I had some similar experiences in jr high & high school – though I’m sure it doesn’t compare to you in the slightest, it wasn’t until I started theatre and hanging out with them did I find people I could trust and confide in. (I miss some of them dearly.) I was considered the smart kid, and I knew people took advantage of it, but it got me through. I also kept things from people (depression, religion), it was my way of surviving.
Oh my God… Hope your eye gets better soon -I hate eye infections
Its sad and true how girls were treating you that way just because you were different… Imagine growing up not only with an older mind, but also with a fat body! I used to sit with my brother or sister, but mostly alone…
I wasnt different, no: I was interested in boys, I had no boyfriend, I listened to their music, I didnt learn the lyrics, I was interested in books, they hated them (except for Sweet Valley-which I hated!), I used to watch what they call boring movies, they used to watch cheap romances… I wasnt different its just that I was not interesting enough for them!! – as simple as that really, plus I was fat..
Young teenagers suck Thank God we grew up!! Your eyes still remember your pain, and they reminded me of mine…
^^
Awww
but its tooo long ago to even care about it now..i think its just a part of growing..better still u were in your 9 th grade when this happened..your friends were’nt all that matured to ubderstand many things..goddd i come across worst people who have such a narrow mentality..and they are grown adults..trust me there is no shortage of nasty people in the world..u juss dont know how to get back to them..they are so messed up that u ll have to stoop down to their level to prove them a point..or just ignore them..the latter still deosnt solve the problem coz such people will always be there in all walks of life..if u ignore them u ll be considered as ‘different’..unfortunately…deal with it…period!!!:(
@yaser omer
Why you insisting that I should deal with it? It’s just a story I am telling. That’s all. It is over from long long time ago.I just felt like sharing. Jeez.
@Mona
I find it interesting to see how people try to help. Some try to show empathy towards you and your problem, sometimes discussing a past experience they may have had similar to you. Some, tell you to get over it, don’t cry, it could be worse.
My freshman yr of college, I took a class dealing with communication & gender, which changed how I looked at the world (including my own life.) Often, women want deal with problems by desiring and sharing empathy and men “suck it up” and deal with it. Maybe this is why I never get along with me, I have almost always wanted empathy. I donno, just wanted to share @yaser omer comment made me remember that.
Is it just me or am I just that tired that I have so many spelling errors it is sad..sorry about that. Hopefully you can understand what is missing and wrong.
High school, yeah… When I was that age I used to go to luch alone and sit wherever I could find a place to sit – and sometimes boys made silly jokes such as hiding away my knife and fork, so that I would go to the kitchen to get some and then when I came back to my place everything I needed was there… funny now that I am talking about it and well into my forties
but back then it didn’t make me laugh, oh no… do we lack humour as teenagers, or is it that some other teens just do not know the difference between having fun and hurting other people…
And yes I could also tell a story or two about being laughed at, misunderstood and feeling different…
But “what does not kill us makes us stronger”, doesn’t it?
yikes…i hate pink eyes….we just got over an episode here…and thankfully i didnt get it…i just bought new makeup and would be mad if i had to throw it out….
When I moved to England from Dubai, I had the same issues with people around me. I was living in a very multicultural city, but I had issues with settling between India/Asian guys and also natives. I took part in any and every activity possible, was part of the soccer team in the first week (even though most people didnt know who I was), for whatever reason, it was impossible to get accepted as an “outsider”. It took me 3 years to get into a comfort zone, but just because I had different opinions, and views.
I guess it’s an experience in life, and you learn about people from this.