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Questions about friendship

1. How do you define friendship?

2. What makes a friendship special?

3. Do you think a real friend should put you at the same level as other friends?

4. Do you think that a friend who is better off and living their life in peace should be more considerate to your circumstances?

5. What if a friend prefers the company of others because you are not as interesting, and only comes to you when in need of advice or solution to a problem?

6. What if a friend backstabs you?

7. What if a friend only needs you when they want to gain something from your knowledge or skills?

8. What if a friend ignores you for 4 or 5 months, some even a year or two, then suddenly tries to call like everything is normal?

9. What if an ex-friend comes back to you after months and says, “let’s be friends again,” like nothing has happened?

If you answered all the above, or came up with a solution to some of the questions, then answer this:

10. How do you define a best friend?

I would really like your opinion on this in the comments area here. Not on Facebook!

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5 Comments

  • 1.How do you define friendship?
    A friendship is a relationship between people who have certain interests. Friends are people who can trust another.
    2.What makes a friendship special?
    Friends are important for one’s well being. It makes me feel good to help people. I like keeping in contact with people who are nice to me.
    3.Do you think a real friend should put you at the same level as other friends?
    Yes.
    4.Do you think that a friend who is better off and living their life in peace should be more considerate to your circumstances?
    No.
    5.What if a friend prefers the company of others because you are not as interesting, and only comes to you when in need of advice or solution to a problem?
    They are not a friend.
    6.What if a friend backstabs you?
    They are not a friend.
    7.What if a friend only needs you when they want to gain something from your knowledge or skills?
    They are not a friend.
    8.What if a friend ignores you for 4 or 5 months, some even a year or two, then suddenly tries to call like everything is normal?
    I’d ask them what’s going on. This happens to me with some friends who have drifted away. I’m useless so nobody needs anything from me. Except for family members, but I don’t speak with them because of above.
    9.What if an ex-friend comes back to you after months and says, “let’s be friends again,” like nothing has happened?
    There would have to be a big explanation. I’d probably not do it. I have too many people who are kind to me at this point. I don’t really need to take a chance like that. I would forgive and forget, but never trust again.
    If you answered all the above, or came up with a solution to some of the questions, then answer this:
    10.How do you define a best friend
    My wife is my best friend. I tell her everything. I know everything about her. She’s really nice to me, and spends her time trying to make me happy. I should do something nice for her right now.

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  • @Leeroy Glinchy
    Interesting..

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  • 1. How do you define friendship?
    For me, it’s hugely associated with ‘trust’. I don’t necessarily practice the trust (as in, I don’t share with them much- that’s just me)- but it’s still a pre-requisite for me to consider a person as my ‘friend’- not age, gender, nationality or any other kind of demographic detail- but if I feel I can trust that person. It’s not easy, with me being sort of a cynic and all- may be that explains why I have so few (but close) friends [5, in total].

    2. What makes a friendship special?
    What makes it special is that you CHOSE that person to be your friend. It’s something YOU picked, unlike family- where we were born in.

    3. Do you think a real friend should put you at the same level as other friends?
    I don’t like to judge anything on this. I don’t put all my friends in the same level and I expect from people only what I give. I don’t think it’s unfair either. It’s only human to have preferences.

    4. Do you think that a friend who is better off and living their life in peace should be more considerate to your circumstances?
    Yes and no. But mostly no. Everyone’s life is, at the end of the day, their own. I don’t like expecting too much from anyone. As a human, I sometimes may; but I don’t think it’s fair.

    5. What if a friend prefers the company of others because you are not as interesting, and only comes to you when in need of advice or solution to a problem?
    Again, their choice. Selfish, may be- but this world is selfish. Probably I am too. But if I remembered by someone at the time of their real need, I’d think I’ve gained the trust.

    6. What if a friend backstabs you?
    Friends don’t backstab you. They were never friends in the first place then. if it happens to me- I was disillusioned about their friendship. I’ll correct myself immediately.

    7. What if a friend only needs you when they want to gain something from your knowledge or skills?
    That’s a relationship created out of convenience. It has some other name may be, but not friendship.

    8. What if a friend ignores you for 4 or 5 months, some even a year or two, then suddenly tries to call like everything is normal?
    I can always be direct and ask- and decide if I like the answer. The rest- as follows after that.

    9. What if an ex-friend comes back to you after months and says, “let’s be friends again,” like nothing has happened?
    I would probably ask that ex-friend with a plain face ‘what’s changed’.

    If you answered all the above, or came up with a solution to some of the questions, then answer this:

    10. How do you define a best friend?
    My best friend is the friend I trust the most. Who has been with me when I am my worst- and never deserted me for anything or anyone. He is someone I know- is the most sure thing of my life. People say there’s no place like home… for me, my home is in this knowledge that there’s someone who’s there for me. It’s not describable.

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  • I disagree with the above slightly. It’s not like there’s a minimum threshold and ‘poof’ we’re friends so you have to follow the Friendship Rules. There are grades of friendship and you need to play every relationship by ear. There are people at uni who’d I’d count as very shallow friends, we hang out, go to the cinema, have a giggle and visit each other a lot but I don’t open up to them all that much. So I’d expect a basic level of politness from them (don’t stand me up, don’t bitch about me behind my back) but not that much more. Just be nice to each other and we’ll all get on ok.

    I have closer friends and we know each other well enough to not freak out if the other doesn’t call in a while because they’re dealing with XYZ. These are relationships which will last without constant nurturing and it IS possible to pick up where we left off if one or more of us needed space to sort out our stuff. But I would always make that call if I hadn’t heard from them in a while and I’d expect them to say “sorry, I’ve been wrapped up in blah blah blah so don’t really feel up for socialising”. I’d never just assume they don’t want contact and I know they’ll be honest with me if they need space. You have to have that level of trust for a deep friendship to work. I only have this with three or four people I went to school with but we’ve all moved to different cities. So under normal circumstances we’ll visit on weekends, talk on the phone a lot and have a lot of facebook contact. But facebooking/phone calls become more of a hindrance when you’re dealling with moving house, final exams and the like. Even if people are just bummed out and need time alone to think things through, as long as they explain they need some time but promise to get back in touch when they want to, it’s all cool and I don’t care how big that time gap is.

    The best friend category includes only two friends and my fiance. They’re people you treat like family. They don’t need space when they’re bummed out because we’ve seen each other through crap already (an eating disorder, death of a mother, career crisis, low self esteem, all sorts) and I don’t feel ashamed if they see me broken and bawling, house a tip. I know they love, yes love me and will stay supportive and non-judgemental. They can be counted on to hear me out if I need to get heavy stuff off my chest or just have light gossip if I just need a change of scenery or distraction. But this closeness is so rare, I know many people who don’t have it at all.

    But all freindships are give and take, if you’re the one putting in all the effort to stay in touch all the time it’s not worth your time. Blips in other peoples circumstances have to be allowed for but it shouln’t be the normal pattern of your relationship.

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  • Hey Mona,

    I dont think I know how to define a best friend, I think I am still looking for an answer. However, I wrote this last week – it is my insight more than anything else…. hope it can help answer some of the questions -

    http://www.biscuitinthebasket.com/2009/02/20/friendship/

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