“You know that you are not crazy right?”

“What makes you think I am not?”

“Have you ever heard of a crazy person admitting that they are crazy?”

“No. I never did.”

“Then you are not crazy. You just haven’t figured out the entire plan yet.”

“What entire plan am I supposed to figure out?”

“You have to figure out the rest. You are half way there. You are on the right track.”

“Right track to what exactly? I am doing nothing.”

“Yet, in people’s eyes, you are doing something that grabs attention. Did you forget who you are? Aren’t people wondering about you?”

“Maybe. But I always thought it was pity.”

“Pity? You use strong words. Very strong words for something that is not. Try again.”

Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?

When you only slept for two hours last night, and suffered all day from a headache, then you are acting 100% like a drunken fool. Two cups of coffee, and two cups of tea minus sleep makes a person see stars in the middle of the afternoon.

I think I am semi-normal now and back to my insomnia and extra caffeine intake. I am back to the Mona you people love. Let’s see how long I will last being like this again. I still got a few brain cells active that haven’t been totally lost.

Oh.. The smell of hot coffee permeating my office is a pleasure to my soul. I wish I can share this moment with someone.

Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

He was a total eye candy! I was … I wanted to keep staring at him for more than an hour.

Story to maybe to be continued later. Wow wow wow!

Random Thoughts

Just write and not care who reads it.

You can say that I have been a bit out of it lately. For the first time in my 28 years of life, I felt that life was empty. I was always busy with my life. It was either school, or work, or both. I always had something to look forward to. I always had something to do. Yet, for the past two months, I have been doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can’t even get my self to do anything useful. I try to come up with so many ideas and so many projects to jump start and work on, but I can’t. I have so much IT experience in so many little things, that I can turn water to software. However, I can’t get my self to do them. I keep asking my self, who would look at them? Who would care? I don’t care, so why would others?

Due to my uselessness, I don’t have the patience or care in the world to talk to anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I ignore phone calls, and I ignore people’s messages. I just don’t want to talk to people. I have nothing against anyone, but I want to be left alone. I don’t want to hear anyone’s life stories, because I can’t talk about mine. Because I am empty. I have nothing to talk about.

How are you Mona?
Fine.

What have you been up to lately?
Nothing.

Where do you go?
No where.

That’s the only answers I got. All I want to do is hide and be left alone. The less people I talk to, the less envy I have of other people’s lives. I don’t want to envy people because that’s not who I am. I don’t want my depression and lack of mental logic to uncontrollably envy others. So I ignore them and refuse to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to have any fun. I don’t want to be fake and pretend to be happy for anyone’s sake.

I know. It is all wrong. Everything I do or think is wrong. Do you think I don’t know that? I do know that. I know that locking my self up will not help. I don’t know if I am as depressed now from doing absolutely nothing, or I was more depressed a year ago when I had a dead end job. Maybe over the years all that anger and depression finally caught up on me and clouded my thinking. It finally hit home base and this is what I have become.

I swear, if I didn’t have this blog I would have been in a mental hospital now. I have done so many crazy things that effected my well being and mental logic, that I can’t even write or talk about them. I know a blog is not the cure to my craziness, but it is the only solution I have to actually talk to someone. At least I don’t know who I am talking to. Never met the person who is reading. And I don’t have to worry about what they think of me, because I don’t know them.

However, as usual, people don’t understand. Why would anyone understand? If you have not gone through the same experiences as me, then you would never understand.

Every day, I get an email from someone who is baffled by a post I have written. And every day I tell them, are you blind? How can you judge a person you don’t know from one post? What if I was drunk that day? Or was suffering from a cold that effected my mental capacity to think? Do you know how many articles I have written over the past 3 years that were a result of something clouding my logic? Yah. You guessed it, far too many. However, I try to control it in real life. Probably the hardest thing I do every day is control it.

What surprises me is people’s illogical accusation or advice. The most famous ones are: Get a job! Go get married! Sure. I will make a call. I will make sure I get those two things done pronto!

Some people are just illogical inconsiderate fools.

Unfortunately, for the past 5 or 6 days, I have been loosing the control. That barrier is slowly deteriorating, and I hope to God that I don’t crack any minute. I am about to any day now. Crack. Crack.

Random Thoughts

I have been reading many blogs lately, and I keep up with many well known bloggers or bloggers who established them selves as icons in the blogsphere. They always have something interesting to say. They give advice, and share their experiences with others. Which is exactly what a blog is about, right? You tell people about your life and your experiences. However, why do some give advice that they don’t apply for them selves, or even need to?

One thing that I have noticed that some “rich” bloggers who make money from selling books, products, and advertisers obsession with their traffic, are giving advice about the economy. They are giving advice to the world about how to explain and teach the kids about the bad economy. For example, they give advice on how to explain to the kids that they don’t need to buy those sneakers this month. Hello? I feel like Paris Hilton is giving advice for people here to not buy shoes for the day and just momentary feel pain for others.

I am sorry, but I just find it wrong that some bloggers are giving advice that they will never need to apply to them selves. They just want to write anything. And there are people like me out there that ask them selves, “are you talking from experience or are you an advice column now to get more traffic and pretend to sympathize with others?”

I just think that there are some things that people preach that are beyond ridiculous. How can I learn from you if you can’t even apply it to your self? Why would I believe you?

Can you imagine me talking about raising kids? How about this, this is my advice on raising kids. Smack them silly until they realize who the boss is. Sounds stupid, because it is stupid. Why listen to someone who has no kids and have no idea how to raise them. I think a lot of people out there need to think before they worship a blogger’s writing. They know how to grab your attention and keep you on their side forever, but seriously, aren’t you a little smarter than that? Can’t you put two and two together?

So here is my question for the peepz out there that read my blog. Which till now I have no idea why you do, but here it goes:

Or?? Write in the comments area another reason that is not mentioned in the poll. I am curious to know people’s opinions about this subject matter. Because it has become a growing problem lately.

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!