Best way to break it off before it even begins
And I got this by email this evening from a dedicated reader who loves the crap that I write daily. I feel sorry for him for thinking that I know the correct answers. (I never recommend that people cheat off me on multiple choice tests. My answers were always C though! 
Which are good odds in my head! But when I would see the final mark, I would have a minor stroke!) 
However, I answered him, and my reply is authentic! No one can come up with more crap to write about Arab girls than me!
Hi Mona,
I am a long time reader, first time writer. (Good work by the way, especially the store!) I read your April 6th post titled ‘Who is left to trust?’ and I couldn’t believe what you wrote for number 1. This was like something that happened to me. If you want to post this as another example, feel free to do so.
My mom, like every other Arab mom is trying to get me married I am in my late 20s and really it is about time. So a family friend of ours introduces us to this other family that has a daughter in her early to mid 20s. I was born here in Canada and so was she, again, something that looked promising. So we went over to go visit them one night and everything seemed okay. Our family’s got along and I was given permission to go see her again at her house.
I was under the impression that we were going to be given some privacy, but nope, her dad was there the whole time. I couldn’t really get to know her. Any answers that that may not be to her dad’s liking, she could just lie to me about it. So we just had small chat, likes and dislikes, music, movies, blah blah blah. It was the first visit with her and she wears the hijab, her mom wears the hijab and so does her little sister, maybe the dude was really old school I thought. But then she started to talk about how often she goes out with her friends and just like that guy you wrote about, she always went to Toronto or Mississauga or Niagara Falls but she never went to clubs (I am in the Hamilton area). I was like what is there to do in Toronto then? I asked her. She replied with I dunno, stuff. But her dad was in the room. That really made me wonder, maybe he’s not old school after all. I was really intrigued now. I had to get her alone. After the second visit I wanted to ask her for her cell number, email, msn anything just so I can get to know her better, but her dad was there so I decided not to thinking he was old school. I thought I would ask for it through my parents.
So the next day, we called and the dad told me I had to have one more meeting at there house first. I was like GRRRRRRR!!!!, but fine. So we set something up and the day I was supposed to go visit them, they canceled, they said some family came over and they wanted to reschedule. Again, GRRRRRRRR!!!, but fine. We then got a call a few hours later saying that they had to cancel and reschedule for sometime way later in the month because the dad was going away on business and when he comes back the girl was going on vacation. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! So I wait.
A few weeks go by and we get a call. It’s them. He waited until the girl left and told me that he knew what kind of person I was, educated, from a good family, good head on my shoulders, bright future and well I don’t think she is the right girl for you. I was so confused. They just finished saying all these wonderful things about me. They then say the girl is none of those things. She is say3a. (out of control) She does all sorts of stuff behind our backs that she thinks we don’t know about, like say … smoking … . I could not believe it. He then goes on to say that she was engaged before (which I didn’t know, she kept that from me too) and that the guy broke it off because she kept all those secrets from him and he felt so betrayed. I could understand, at least I didn’t invest anything or any real time either. Anyways this is getting super long and I just thought I would share.
Laters,
- Bullet Dodger
All I can say, dude, I don’t know her. I swear to God I am not the same Mona that she hangs out with and goes to all these cities with, and smokes in dark alleys where each hiding spot is given a secret code. Calls are tapped by the dad, remember! Hmm, but wait, you weren’t allowed to talk to her, even though you wanted to know her for futuristic opportunities such as marriage, etc. Therefore, you wouldn’t know the names of her friends. Right? Phew. Close call!
Anyways, back to seriousness! Which I tend to sidetrack from 90% of the time. So, I avoid Arab girls. Many of them smell like deceit, and I don’t like to be anywhere near them and accidentally take a whiff. I am allergic. I will drop dead from lack of clean Arabizism. Although you live in Hamilton, smock land, my only advice to you is to not marry. Period. Why the permanent or very costly headache? Free advice, take it and don’t leave it to rot! 
Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!
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Maybe I am not familiar with the culture or something, but being chaperoned like teenagers in their late 20s? That’s just very strange to me. I don’t see how any mature relationship could develop among people being treated like children.
@Phronk
believe me.. it’s not in our culture anymore and no one does this.. just some parents still think they live in 1950.
The parents think something bad may happen behind their backs I guess.
I honestly don’t know.. I just laughed at the whole story. I just think it is absurd in this day and age.
“So, I avoid Arab girls. Many of them smell like deceit” No one has ever put it better that this hehe. All you get to meet and see are the bad ones, and the good ones are hiding somewhere i don’t know, if you find any good ones send them my way, people tell me i have way too many guy friends and not enough girl friends :s, maybe they should read this lol.
This seems fishy to me. Why would her father reveal all of that to the guy who was interested in his daughter? Seems like an easy way to get the guy he doesn’t like to go away. Honestly, I think he needs to give her a chance to show her true nature and not just rely on her father’s opinion. There are always back doors to getting alone time if both people truly want to do so.
I think the parents were no longer interested in the guy after the first meeting with the girl, and him asking her all the questions which were answered by the ‘dunno’ from her side, so they just didn’t know how to end it in a proper way and came up with those fishy facts about her being a blah blah blah. which is super ridiculous in my opinion.
Come on people Arabs won’t ever do that! Make up shit about their own daughter to drive a guy away! Things would actually be the other way around, they’d say that she’s an angel even if she did all kinds of wrong stuff just so the guy would marry her and lock her up! That’s more of a believable story, but I’d never believe that they’d make up that kind of stories about their daughter! Sho mona do you agree or not?
Well the question for Bullet Dodger is can you accept a girl who likes to smoke, and visit places where she goes to have fun.
Or if you see it another way: Can you create a fun in her life that she does not have to go anywhere else except to drool over you.
Some guys are just plain (i dunno what to say). Girls love to have fun. Definition of fun changes time to time. But generally if the guy wants to term himself as a the bread winner and remains aloof on fun (due to ‘responsibilities’), what do wife do? She is a human being right.
For such typical girl and guy searching like the case mentioned: set the expectations instead of seeing families and making judgment on others. Its their life. What yours? Anything interesting?
Even after a suitable person is found there is plenty of arguments in a married life which is good. Guess when we look for someone find a person who likes to have healthy yapping.
One of the best way that tells how a (good) guy will go lengths to try to understand the issue:
Head Over Heels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiIBT6WLOBA
I have to agree with dee, there is no way that an Arab family would say anything bad about their daughter even if she did those things, I think the dad didn’t want him to marry his daughter.
I agree with you Mona why would someone marry specially Arabs who love to pay a lot of their money in a wedding just to show that our daughter is precious
@Ahmad Hamdan
A lot of money? TOO MUCH MONEY! Arab weddings are so expensive. Why? For 5 hours to show off?
2 hours show off
The experience he tells is sad and is not isolated. There are many Arabs who immigrated to the west but never really adjusted to the new environment, and also did not keep up with changes in their home country, so they’re stuck with outdated ideas and values that are not compatible with their new surroundings and create a great distance between what they believe is right and how their children want to live. I think Arabs (and generally Muslim) immigrants often underestimate how much effort it takes to be able to live a life of a Muslim and at the same time not be isolated from their new society, also they underestimate how much effort (+luck) it takes to maintain good communication with their childern who grew up in the West. They need to get used to distinguishing between true and important Islamic values from simply Arab social traditions, and being much more flexible about traditions, also making efforts to integrate well with and understand the society around them better. When they do not integate well and do not communicate well with their childern often the result is that the children will go to one extreme or the other: be strict and sometimes fanatical about Islam or give up on it alltogether in their own private life outside the family home.
A little off topic, but I thought you should know. Due to the fact that TRUE/FALSE questions have no C possible, B has been named the new C ….
/the more you know …
@Canucklehead
What does true/false have to do with this? lol oh well, you are always off topic anyways!
@Simply Me
I thought about what you were saying that maybe they did not want me for her. If that was the case, I would be perfectly okay with that. Her/their loss really. But there are things that I did not include in the email I wrote to Mona such as I actually saw her smoking. And as Mona has eluded to many times over, word spreads fast in the Arab world. So my parents asked a few others and what her father was saying was in fact true, that she does go out and do stuff behind their backs. So, I would tend to think that since they maybe felt a little embarrassed the first time she was engaged and had it broken off due to her bahavior, they did not want to go through it again.
@John Jacob
To answer your questions:
1) Smoking is NASTY!!!! I can’t be or fall in love with anyone who smells like shit, unless they are under 3 years old.
2)I like fun. Who doesn’t like to have fun. I would actually love it even more if she went out with her friends to have a good time because then I would get the same opportunities with my friends. It’s what she does for fun, that may have been the issue. If her idea of fun is to drink and get bombed off her ass, then there’s an issue, especially her being a Muslim and all. To be fair, I don’t actually know or not if she does, but I get that hunch based on the conversation with the old man.
I only sent this email to Mona just as another example based on the earlier email. This girl had kept all of this from me. The smoking and ‘the whatever she does’ when shes away, I could understand not saying in front of her parents, since she thinks that they don’t know. But the previous engagement would have nice. I was upfront with some of my issues with her and all I was expecting was the same in return. Maybe that’s too big an expectation, I don’t know.