They always ask me this like I know it all

I should be the last person on earth to be asked this question, but people always message me asking, “what is your take on arranged marriages in Islam?”

All I can say, it still happens and it will never change. Do I agree with it? It all depends on your personality and the way you were raised. Not everyone follows it. The world changed so much, that parents or families in general don’t necessary force it at all. They prefer that their sons and daughters find their other half through a process of love. The reason such liberalism in thinking regarding such a sensitive topic in our modern times is more common, is due to the fact that the previous generation, or our parent’s generation, has suffered from these arranged marriages.

Life came to a point that it was rushing so fast. More women were educated, becoming more liberated, and are working and helping out with the family’s income. So, their “role” in the family changed drastically, but the mentality of the way many people perceive it till now has not. That’s how problems arise from these arranged marriages and the overall perception of it.

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Do I think Muslims ever marry out of love then if they go through the process of arranged marriages? Umm…

Many people, especially Muslims, till now believe arranged marriages are better. The groom and bride are forced to believe that love develops after marriage. It should never be before that. That’s fine. The way Muslims perceive it, love can easily fool someone’s emotions, and the devil will occupy those two people and cause them to commit sinful actions. Which is true, it happens a lot, and God does not forgive such actions. It is even a sin in other religions, not just Islam. But I believe that people who end up in such a position because they are very weak. They are weak in personality and faith. If all Muslims followed only the basics of their religion, then no one would have to worry about arranged marriages or forcing a girl to marry too young, or any other weird story that many people hear about every day. However, there is always evil in this world that messes up people’s judgments.

Do I believe in arranged marriages in general? Umm…

If we want to base this on the great method of keeping up with damn statistics, and personal experiences from you, yes you the reader, then, ah, I hear about breakups and divorces more than anything in our world. In Canada, the divorce rate is hovering around 38% yearly, and in the United States, around 45%. Isn’t that a bit too high? Seriously, if the majority of those people married out of love, spent so much money on a wedding, home, furniture, appliances, and even procreating, then why in the world did it end in divorce? Wasn’t it a marriage based on love? So what would be the odds that an arranged marriage is better or worse than that?

For arranged marriages, I don’t know what the statistics are, but I got many people telling me, the odds of marrying out of love or arranged marriage is almost the same, and most likely the same number of people will end up in divorce. Therefore, don’t think arranged marriages are such a bad thing. Like I said, you are asking me, Mona, if I think it is ok. I think marriage in general is not ok! I am anti-marriage and anti-love. Happy? No, I am just joking I swear, but many of you already know my take on this whole marriage business. It ain’t easy, and I am old enough to know that a person needs to control their emotions and think before signing their life away, and be part of someone else’s life. I like things to last forever, and I am not willing to jump into the band wagon because everyone else is. And I believe that resorting to an arranged marriage is like accepting vanilla over chocolate, and I damn love my chocolates!!

For the final time, marriage is different people. Arranged or out of love, married life is SO different. So, this question that people keep asking me, and thinking that it is so backwards and our religion is so oppressing for women, and life, etc, need to really stop. There is no right answer. It is all based on experience, and I experienced neither to really come up with a really really good answer. All I know that love is over rated. Life is a lot more than that, and we should never let our emotions take over logical life choices.

I keep hearing Syrians or even Lebanese saying this regarding marriage, “Marriage is like a watermelon. You don’t know how it tastes like till you open it. It could be sweet or sour. You never know.”

HOWEVER! I can sense the odd few anal people right now that will counter argue that phrase! They will say that you can pick the exact sweet type of watermelon. Science changed things. . . Blah blah blah .. spare me .. spare me this argument. It is pointless!

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