I will begin by apologizing for my internet two day departure without officially informing the masses. I don’t know why I did it, except for obviously being incredibly lazy, but I actually had a lot to say. So I have some days planned out for pure negative ranting, and other days to discuss life and ranting. Like today!

My life is very interesting the moment I interact with any human being. Maybe because my interaction with others is very critical to the way I perceive life. I feel like I am from another galaxy, and everyone else is living gleefully on planet earth. Maybe I am over exaggerating, and I know many of you will think I am, because the majority of my readers are not Arabs. And that fact makes me feel like ranting evermore! Evermore? I feel like I am a verse in The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. How the hell did my brain come up with that? That just shows you people that my brain is filled with far too much information about anything.

Anyways, enough of a lame introduction. Last night, I went to a partay with thy mother. It was some Arab chick celebrating her graduation from a community college. So she got a huge partay done for her. You see, that’s when my brain becomes a bit numb, and I wonder what’s wrong with the parents. The economy sucks. Life sucks. However, graduating from a community college will most likely get you a job before a University grad, but still, why waste all that money on hall, food, dress, and yummy desserts? I thought for a minute it was an engagement party or a wedding shower. Nop. It was a grad party!

It’s hilarious when Arab women get together. They go crazy and dress in the most provocative clothes ever! I can’t even mention the rest, because many culturally obsessed Arabs will attack me right this instance. However, I don’t care. Since when did I ever?

So, I refuse to dance or be involved in any Arabic partay, especially if I go to a partay with my mother. Back in the day, when I only went to parties with my friends, I would go crazy. I wouldn’t care. I didn’t need to feel like I am being watched for every critical stupid move I do. So, I refrain from dancing infront of her. I can actually belly dance, and I can actually pretend that I like to bust a move with my Arab peepz to kick ass Arabic music, but not with her watching me. I just feel weird!

Therefore, I just sat there eating Tabbouleh and Humus. My mom is a pure social butterfly, she would hover from table to table talking to other Arab women about …? No clue. So, I was left sitting with my mom’s friend’s daughter, a cute 15 or 16 year old girl. The girl loves to talk. She is 100% the opposite of me. If I ever have a friend like that, I would seriously commit murder that only involves me and a butcher’s knife. The girl didn’t care how old I was, which to the rest of the women sitting there, I looked like another 20 or 21 year old. (I wish) So, this girl, that wouldn’t stop talking, brought up a few interesting points that I wanted to discuss today.

The girl kept talking about her future, and how much she loves school, but also loves to hang out with friends and have a major social life. That’s just her persona. Then, she talked about how she wants to go back home and get a university degree, it is a lot easier, and it is just education and a piece of paper. Purely recognition, that’s it. She then said this, which made me want to punch her or reevaluate my life. She said that she is just a girl. No matter what, she will always be another girl in the eye of society. No matter what she does in life, education wise, work wise, she will end up married, and get bored of working. So she will sit at home. Sometimes she wonders why she is studying, and how far she will go, (she wants to be an engineer), but she will end up being like any other girl. Sitting at home, married to someone who is educated and most likely well off, and that’s it. That’s a typical Arab girl’s life.

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I was sitting there and actually paying attention to this girl, because I didn’t know if I was in shock, or is that exactly how all Arab girls think, and I am the odd one out. Why no one told me that that is a girl’s life? Why did I bust my ass getting a University degree, working for so many years, stressing my self out so much trying to find a job now, and I could have all along taken the easy route out and just got married and sat at home? Why the hell no one told me that?

Oh wait, I knew that. I knew that. I really knew that all along.

So why the hell didn’t I take that route? Maybe because I don’t believe that getting married will solve life’s problems. It actually makes it worse if you don’t plan it right and marry the right person. I never believed that living a life of just another girl sitting at home and pleasing the man is how MY life should be.

I am a very sarcastic person, and I always make someone laugh out of shock. They only laugh because in their heads they would ask them selves, did she just say that? A girl just said that? An Arab girl just said that? Hilarious! That’s me! I am funny in a bad way. I take utter pride and continuous devotion to such a lame sense of humour. That personality of mine is what many Arab guys hate. I am honest in a sarcastic way. Many people suggested that I shouldn’t marry an Arab. However, I disagree. I want to marry an Arab. I want to be culturally intact to this amazing Arabiasm. Being an Arab is kick ass. You should try it! And for those that wonder if I am sticking to Palestinian guy, ummm.. I feel that I should, but I would only go as far as the Levant regions if I had to. That’s about it.

So, I love being an Arab, but I also feel like I am always the odd one out with my thinking. And finding a great sarcastic person who is totally out there and have similar thoughts is mission impossible. I know there is some crazy guy out there who is exactly like me, but he is hiding from me dammit. He is afraid I will find him and ruin his chances of being part of the norm of our Arab society!! Sucks to be him … and me.

Anyways, so this girl at the partay made me feel like I wanted to murder my self, but at the same time, I don’t blame her. She wants to have a life like any other Arab girl. However, I want to have a life of a human being that involves equality, respect, and striving to be someone in society other than a fa2asy (egg layer).

Blah Blah, Culture, Funny, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

I was watching a clip of Robin Williams the other day, and one of his hilarious jokes was that when he was growing up, his parents had to shove oxygen and hydrogen together just to get water. I wonder what he would come up with when he sees this sign. Hmm.

Unfortunately, this is what our capitalist world has come down to. The bare neccessity of life has been given attractive adjectives to get more people into buying it. I am going to stick to water. The last two make me feel like I am at a gas station.

Advertising, Blah Blah, Confused, Funny

It got a lot worse today. The best and only solution was to shut my mouth. You know how hard that is? You guys should be proud of me!

I am sick of arguing over the same stories every day.

So, what’s up with everyone? Anything new and exciting on this Saturday? I don’t have any plans at all, but I am hoping the sun comes back up, because I want to go walking in the neighbourhood. I am tired of sitting infront of the computer reading news and blogs. I can’t wait till next week to start going to the theater and watch some movies!! Angels and Demons! I can’t wait!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

What happens when you try to weight both critical life options in the palm of your hands and try picking which one is more important, like job or marriage? Answer: you end up with a bad migraine and a mother who will never understand you. Actually, no one understands me, and I am trying so hard to keep it that way to eliminate the migraine!

Yes, I have been suffering from severe migraines. I do see little specs of light, and my head feels like it is going to rip from the inside and explode! That’s what happens when people only mention these two things to me. I get people who won’t stop talking about work, and keep giving me endless advice thinking they know best. So what do I inevitably end up doing? I ignore them until my mind settles and I am back to normal. I try to tell them, “ok, you know best. You know it all, but I am not in a state of mind to listen to it!”

Then, you got people like my mother, who thinks that it is about time I got married, because I am beyond old and I am approaching the God forbidden word, THIRTY! I have been forced to have this conversation with her the past week, but she won’t get it. This is her constant nagging:

Mom: “How do these girls find guys to marry, and they are much younger than you. They find a guy and it doesn’t seem so hard. Or they go on the internet and find them one.”

When I hear that, I want to shoot my self. I want to open the window in my bedroom and jump out of it. That way I can permanently damage a body part, and not have to hear her nagging me with the same phrase over and over.

I answer her: “I do not go out of the house. I am not going to find a guy off the net that I can only interact with through a screen. And yes, I blame you guys for all this!”

If you are wondering what I am blaming them for, then I will make a long story short, I ain’t going to discuss it ever on my site or to anyone outside my family. It is no one’s business how I ended up like this. The past with the ass hole was bad enough, however, the future is going to be a lot worse if my parents don’t change. It is not my fault I am stuck in a rut cause of them. It is not my fault that I am unemployed (they actually drove me to quit my job because they noticed I was about to crack, and they didn’t like my job at all from day one), and now I can’t find a new job and get out of this town. There are a lot of things that I blame them for, but it seems they don’t care. I also blame them for one last thing, the white or grey hair growth since I was 25. And yes, I blame most of it on being an Arab!

Mom: “How come all those girls have jobs? Why can’t you get a job?”

When I hear that, I want to go and lock my self in a room and scream my lungs out!

Mom: “How come your friends are getting married now. They are younger than you right? That’s why.”

I answer her: “How can people that went to highschool with me, and were in the same classes with me in University be younger than me? Mom, you are going to be shocked now, but they are older than me! I was the youngest one in the group. Remember I was born in December! And the rest of the girls I knew where 1 or 2 years and even 3 years older! Why is it that everyone that is getting married or engaged now is YOUNGER THAN ME?!”

That’s a scene I had in the kitchen earlier today. It’s ok. No damage done. Just some screaming and anger from my side, because my mother does not understand AT ALL!

That’s another problem that I suffer from. When you are stuck 4 months face to face with people, and you have no excuse to get out of the house. (Mine used to be work and school.) Inevitably, you start developing a serious personal problem like I am now. You start hating your self, hate interacting with people, and wishing you can accelerate time until you reach a point in your life that God has written for you that is just a tad bit different than it is right now!

Oh believe me, I am not angry. Why would I be angry? Angry is not a strong enough word to describe how I am feeling right now. Maybe a bit furious and about to explode. Maybe I am about to commit horrible atrocities on my self if I cannot resolve this problem anytime soon. Maybe my social interaction with other human beings is about to diminish, if it hasn’t already, and end up being anti-social like I was a few years ago. I honestly don’t know how else to describe my utter disgust from my life right now. If I say I hate my life, then I would be lying. I am beyond that state. I am far from it, and I am on the other side of the playing field now.

Some people would suggest a drink for me. It’s ok, I don’t drink. However, I went earlier to the mall and I devoured a Haggan Daz icecream in 45 seconds, and ate a Kit Kat Chunky in 1 minute. This is the first time I have eaten chocolate in weeks. I think the chocolate effect has worn off now, and that’s why I ended up writing this horrible post.

God help me.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

Why do I feel that I have to think a 1000 times before I utter a word online? On Twitter, on Facebook, or any social network, people take every single word I say seriously and blame me for it. They criticize my grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. They criticize my mood if it is sad, happy, crazy, etc.

This is what happens when you have too many people following you and reading your thoughts online.

Am I angry? Am I happy? Am I worried about all this? Nah! I just find people really weird and I am normal. You are weird, and I am normal. I am weird, and you are normal. I am so weird, and you are so normal. Are we done now? Happy?

Now, some of you would say, “Mona! Act like your self and be the Rebellious Arab Girl you claim to be!” Ok fine. I will be.

DAMMIT PEOPLE! STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT WHAT I SAY! I LOVE YOU ALL (you know I am lying), and without you, this site would have not stayed alive! Should I not appreciate everyone for that?

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Moving on to a more serious discussion, here is a political thought, and you guys know me and politics, I avoid it with all my heart. But what the hell?

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UNITED NATIONS — Israeli President Shimon Peres on Wednesday called a U.N. investigation accusing Israel of recklessness during the war in Gaza “outrageous” and said the Jewish state will not apologize for defending its citizens against Hamas missile attacks.

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“We think it’s outrageous. We shall never accept it. We don’t think that we have to apologize because we have the right to defend the lives of our children and women,” Peres told reporters after meeting U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon to convey Israel’s anger about the board of inquiry’s findings.

I lost count on the number of causalities after 5 days into the massacre earlier this year. How many people died in Gaza? What kind of weapons did Hamas have compared to the planes, missiles, crazy unheard of weapons, killer gas, etc, that Israel used?

My take as a small little refugee Palestinian that was forced to live on the other side of the world is, Umm, where shall I begin! Let me make this as simple as possible, and use my blog as an example. Let’s say that I wrote my opinion on this blog, based on something I am completely unsatisfied with, and I had no fear or reason to not do it. I did it for the sake of having to do it. It’s in my blood and I had to express my view point, or else I was going to burst from the inside.

Later, someone got mad at me and had a completely different opinion (like we saw the other day when I talked about religion, God, and natural disorders), and instead of dealing with it in a civilized one to one battle through email or just another blog post from their side, they make an entire new website dedicated to hate my guts and spread horrible rumors to attack me. The damages are not only emotional and hurtful at that moment, but are permanently stored on the interweb forever, and dedicated to diminish my honour, for as long as internet shall live. I classify it as permanent internet damage.

How am I supposed to react after that? Should I disappear, or fight back in my own little way?

That’s the Palestinian way of thinking. Every single one of us, born outside Palestine, born inside, lived as a refugee, or born and raised in Europe or the West, we are all think the same.

Anyone out there disagree with our way of thinking? If you do, then it is fine. No one can convince you to balance power when trying to solve a problem. It seems only ethical, but what the hell do I know? We seem to be living in the dark ages till now and I was not aware of it!

God help us all.

Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Palestine, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!