The Arab Blogorette

In my mind I always thought you would find Mr. Right through your blog. I remember this blog I used to read I think the girl’s name was Meouish or something like that and she met an arab muslim like herself from blogging and now they are married. But u know i’m 22 and I’m already getting pressure that I should be getting engaged soon and I’m not really ready, at least you werent pressured by your family( I think). Hope you do find him soon!

Mona, I don’t think this blog should be used exclusively to find the ‘one’, but never exclude the possibility.
A cool Arab guy may be reading your blog one day and think ‘hmm, I am not alone’ haha
It’s funny because you find love when you are not looking for it, and least expect it (sounds like a cliche, I know). You may be attending your next Arab party or a wedding in the community, and you could meet someone interesting.
I know of a few people who met their spouses online, however, it does not work for everyone. My advice is to be open to meeting new people and get to know the guy as a friend first.
Since you asked for ideas, I would say try and get out of London once in a while, like visit your friends in Toronto. It’s no offense to London, but Toronto has more stuff to do, and there is a bigger community there. Hope I don’t sound imposing, but it’s my 2 cents

My thoughts – you can’t force love but you can’t stop it either. Your blog is a hub of information regarding your thoughts and feelings & would be a good base of information for a future date, but, I believe people are more than just what is on their blog & it would still allow exploration beyond it. I don’t think you should use your blog to find a date, but I don’t think you should stop future love from finding you through your blog (if that makes sense.)

Certainly yes. Blog could be a place to find “the one”, I have many friends who was found their “soulmate” and married because of blog. Then yes you can do the same to find him also.

So which one you like better, an older Arab guys or the younger one?

No suggestions whatsoever, though I enjoyed readin this…blogerete…lol

finding a true love via online is like connecting two bolts of heated lighting in the heavens above.
your site is such a great source of data on you that many guys might pick it up as a kind of flattery, per se, an entrance into your heart & mind.
however my personal opinion is that no matter how many words you put down, the actions you make will still precede you.
seeing how a person treats others, like you mentioned, is most important. But also reacting to a person and knowing how a person is during a crisis or family problem or whatev is very important as well.
But it is Allah Subhanna wa ta Allah which is in the details, it is the little things that will attract or make you shy away. hope that helped.

One?! the ONE?! why is it only one?! Why can’t there be one say, every decade?! I don’t think I like how this love business is limited…

To Ahmed Masri – sigh…

So.. you think your blog can find your “mr. right” (which is arab guy)?
Technically maybe you can..
Just optimize your blog keywords into what they may interested (no porn things for sure )

It can be positive or something tricky negative like:
place title and keywords: Arab Guy is Suck
but your content post: Arab Guy is S.weet U.ltimate C.harming K.indness, marry me please!! (j/k)

or… hey there is +50.000 arabian blogger that you can start to blog walking
http://www.blogger.com/profile-find.g?t=l&loc0=SA

But anyway, what you get from your blog is only “quantity” not (yet) “quality”. To found your “Mr. Right” you must be more closer to “Him” so you can see the “quality” (if that suitable with you).

Ahmed, I also believe there is not “the one”. this is not meant un-romantic at all. People can change. People can lose love for each other. People can fall madly in love with someone else, so the “quitting” person as well as the one left behind need to find love elsewhere. Tragedies happen, which, hopefully, we all will be spared of.
What I want to say: even the best relationships can come to an end. And that is not a tragedy in itself.
We most likely have a number of people we are very compatible with and can fall for head over heels. Or more slowly, but profoundly, for that matter, in the course of our hopefully long lives.

I think the “the one” mentality puts too much pressure unto people. It means they either doubt before they give someone they are interested in a chance, because he or she might not be “the one”(meaning waiting for someone potentially better). Or they would have to fall in despair if the relationship with the hypothesized “one” did not turn out as they thought, whether after a few months or decades. I think a relationship is only trully healthy if both cherish the moment, take good care of their partnership, hope for a good common future, but do not cling to each other like to a life buoy to stay together “forever”. Very few things are forever, and such a mentality, in my opinion, often is more about being in love with love itself, or thinking life sucks when alone rather than really wanting to be with that individual person, and being in love with him or her trully.

I’d get rid of the “the one” pressure

By the way, I hate to admit it: My personal love story might not be the biggest Arab love story ever. I read you consider dating only Arab guys – well, my husband is not Arab. He’s Kurdish. So well, for sure it is more difficult finding a NICE AND Arab man in the diaspora. There s not many in total numbers, anyway, and even fewer with a good mindset regarding females.
I have a Jewish friend who must have been in a similar situation. There s only a couple of thousand Jews in the town we live in, so of course few “marriageable” young men. Practically none real decent, interesting guys. She got to know someone from Israel online (well, she knew a distant relative of his, so did not meet him out of the blue online – I’d freak out about psychos on the internet, anyway, but I’m probably more paranoid than you are and than she is ), and well he came to live with her, and so far they’ve lived happily ever after. So maybe keep your eyes on good guys from the homelands to get to know online

Fret not, Mona. I have met THE ONE on my blog!

We started talking on an online dating website, but it turned out he had already visited my blog and was a regular reader without knowing the blog belonged to me.

Then, as everything online, he wanted to rush things but my typical Arab reserve got in the way and may have spoiled it all. He used to look forward to having me post a new entry to comment on it; he even went and commented on EVERY single post I posted prior to our \meeting\.

He, now, barely visits the blog … maybe once every 2 weeks or so. Oddly, I have grown to associate his interest in my blog to his interest in me. Right now, both seem minimal (mostly my fault) … BUT it’s possible to meet THE ONE on one’s blog!

Good post, lady.

Have a few drinks.

If we agree that The One is somebody who has everything you look for and more, then YES, I did meet The One on my blog.

He has expressed interest in me and I was interested too, but didn’t wanna declare it until I was sure. In the meantime, I fell sick for 3 weeks and couldn’t keep up with our daily video/audio chats on Skype … and he felt “neglected”.

Since then, he has become a little cold.

I know, eh?

To add more insult to injury, after having battled life and death for 3 weeks and, literally, crawling to work, my Internet had a problem for 2 other weeks.

Result? He heard from me only 3 times in 5 weeks. I’m not sure he realizes it was beyond my control, though.

it doesnt have to be exactly like that, but since u have many readers you can have some kind of competitions or whatever where it ends with one winner, male or female, who gets to meet you (if they live close by) or get to talk to you in a more personal way, whatever u want it to be and just see what happens, a lot of people ended up meeting a person they got married to through their blogs, but you dont have to go down that road, just getting to know more people is a good idea for me, you can never have too many friends i guess, or can you?

hmm are there any arabs in ur city? lol

I admit that’s how I usually do it, too. But NOT this time!

He, now, wants me to make a move. I tried, but he talks to me with an indifference and a sarcasm that would melt a stone. I’d rather have somebody slap me than use mean sarcasm against me.

Oh well …

Hope you find your Mr. Right on here … and from the looks of it, you very well may. Interesting girls who wear their hearts on their sleeves usually are rewarded with a good man who appreciates their way of being

Hey mona I for one say he should be a blogger and not blog reader because you’ll be on very uneven ground if he can read about how you tick and you only know his email address Meeting people in real life is hard these days, I feel your pain. I fell out with uni friends and thought I’d talk to people from the gym I see three times a week or people who live near me but they all reacted with “why is the crazy stranger trying to make conversation ?” It’s sad, hopefully it’s just a London (UK) mean attitude. I’ve ended up hanging out with a friend from a forum who lives nearby. The internet rocks!

“In the meantime, I fell sick for 3 weeks and couldn’t keep up with our daily video/audio chats on Skype … and he felt “neglected”.”

Is it only me, or are so many Arab guys SO high maintenance?? (ok girls more often than not, too!)
aaakkh – so many times it happened I wanted to order gifts online, the guy started just normal conversations over whatever I wanted to buy, like nice tea glasses, or lamps, or nice Arabian style decoration. Then the picture question. I am NOT sending someone pictures at request. But well by the time I was still on facebook. Then the pressing for the phone number.
At the 2nd two reactions, or three at the most, the guy played deeply offended, rejected prince from your dreams treated so unjustly. This never fails to put me off COMPLETELY. Well then after a few days they’ll put together what is left from the ego, and coldly establish contact again. Then after some normal contact the pressure on sharing msn, phone number, meeting in real life etc AGAIN. Even small suggestions of marriage (come on guys – which girl is supposed to fall for that after a couple of emails???)
And well at the non-reaction to the renewed pressure the angry email they will not want to be friends with you at this point of their lives.
AND WHAT IS WITH MY MERCHANDISE???

Well that was just to say how strenuous I find this easily offended attitude when getting to know someone, and they happen to not call or write 24/7

I don’t know about other nationalities, but for sure Arab men are extremely sensitive in this I think (and I am not denying many many females are extremely high maintenance, too).

Mona, on another topic, how much money do you make off your adverts ? They’re increasing by the second! =P

Wew… You’ve got a lot attentions by this post, Mona.

So now I should be a spectator only. Hope that you will find the right man for your life and future, soon!

If I may ask, what are the stereotypes (or maybe you guys don’t consider them stereotypes, I don’t know) of arab guys out there?

Now do you believe those are stereotypes, or true of arab guys in general?

Ok. I ask because I have heard this before from a couple other arabs, directed at both guys and girls. I was born and raised in the US, and I often cannot relate to the experiences other Arabs have. Not to say this is good or bad. However, people often take the liberty to describe the arabs, and especially arab men, using these characteristics. Where I am in the US, there are some Arabs, but it is very hard to be diplomatic with them when they have this perception of me already in place. What specifically do Arab guys do that make people ascribe these features to them? Or, what are the perceptions Arab men have of Arab women?

My last question for today, I promise!

@Dina

YES!!! I posted that reply just to give people a chuckle.. but your response is excellent! I believe exactly the same thing. There is more than one person out there that you can fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with..

sometimes you meet one when you are way too young and immature to know what you got or even what love is (been there, done that…)

Sometimes you meet them and despite the connection, everything else in both your lives simply don’t fit, and so it doesn’t work out.. (that’s a particularly painful one)..

many more examples.. but you get the point…

thank you Dina. Your husband is a lucky man.

@Mona

5 years is too tiring.. might as well become a swinger :p

@Dina

Interesting.. I thought most Arab guys had a reputation for being too lazy to care.

@Dina
Thank you for your solidarity, Dina! The guy I was referring to is not Arab, though.

But you DO have a point: most Arab men are oversensitive and closeted romantics (they don’t wanna admit the latter).

Any Arab guy I happened to talk to online had to say he loved me on the get-go. When met with resistance, they throw a tantrum and storm out of the 2-day-old “serious relationship” they had worked so hard to build.

Now, straight Arab men may be different. But I highly doubt it.

@Mona
I am sure Mr. Right is around the corner, Mona. Just carry on living your life and blogging, and he will surprise you

My One may be mistaking my prudence and caution for disinterest but he will realize, one day, that it’s out of love that I’m being careful.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying making nice pals through my blog. Blogging is the new way to socialize, indeed!

@Mona
I can’t speak for all the Arab World, but I’m better placed to speak about Arab girls in my country: Algeria.

More and more Algerian girls are alarmingly becoming Gold diggers, and they’re not to blame. Behind every Gold-digging Arab girl there is a greedy, materialistic and selfish mother. Sad but TRUE!

Are Gold-digging mothers to blame? Not entirely! The average Arab housewife has NEVER been to school and has, indeed, almost no critical thinking skills to differentiate between reality and dramatization of reality on TV (that she constantly watches). Therefore, she pressures her daughters to find a wealthy husband, just like girls do on soap operas.

If the girl is lucky enough to persuade her boyfriend to ask for her hand, her parents will, sometimes, ask for more than what the guy can give. No marriage in Algeria happens if the guy doesn’t provide:

a. A dowry, which is a rather big sum of money the guy gives to the girl’s parents.

b. An apartment. Because today’s girls don’t want to live with their in-laws anymore. Legitimate, but not in a country with appalling housing problems.

c. A good stable job. It’s OK for the girl not to have a job, but her future husband has got to have a lucrative one.

d. All sorts of jewelry. Since the dowry is not enough, the girl’s parents ask the would-be groom for lots of jewelry. It’s nice to spoil the one we love, but not in a country with incredible unemployment rates!

e. A fancy car. You know, cos the neighbors and her exes will be looking.

However, it’s important to mention here that Arab girls are under so much pressure that stems from different sources:

1. They’ve got to find a husband and get married at an early age. In Algeria, a 28-year-old single girl is on the brink of becoming considered a “spinster”. This would have been understandable a century ago (since women did not go to school or work outside), but it’s not valid today.

2. Finding Mr. Right is tough since more and more Arab guys are only seeking pleasure over commitment. Seldom do Arab guys, nowadays, want to ask for a girl’s hand from her parents. Instead, they prefer going on endless “sex-capades”.

3. Giving in to a guy’s advances could have sour repercussions on the Arab girl’s quest for marriage. In fact, old traditions are still alive and well in most Arab societies – one of those is for the girl to be a virgin on her wedding night.

4. Add to this the possibility for the girl to quit her job or drop out of college just because her husband asked her to. Difficult to further her studies when she gives birth to her first child EXACTLY 9 months after her wedding, indeed.

Whew! Boy, it’s complicated!