Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I have a very neurotic family, and they love to pin point every single detail. Even the ones that are not important, or useless from the distant past.

However, bringing up the past made me realize that maybe I had a problem since I was little that was not addressed. What else would you expect? I was born and raised in an Arab household. Anything strange or not right in a child means nothing but a phase of “growing up.”

Today, I was walking downstairs, and I saw the front door open. I atomically locked it. My sister saw me and said, “Who cares if it is open? We are all in the house.”

I told her that I am a complicated person, and I have a problem with front doors being open. I have to close them. It is a habit, even in the car! The moment I get into a car, I close the door manually. Maybe I like to feel secure? Who knows!

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My parents over heard us, and then came to pin point the past. They hysterically laughed and blurted out, “Mona had a bigger problem when she was little. She used to take thread and tie door knobs together and make spider webs all over the house. Why did you do that Mona? Maybe you have a problem.”

I look at them, and remember the days when I was 5 or 6 years old. So what that I played with threads and made spider webs all over the house? The door knobs are where the strings got tied at. Hmm. So? Do you see a problem? I just see a child bored to death and does not like Barbie dolls.

Unfortunately, my parents keep reiterating the same story, and I keep remembering the past. Reading this post, and seeing what the hell I just wrote, made me realize that I may suffer from some weird ass infatuation with spiders or door knobs. Or maybe I like to lock things to feel secure all the time?

Who is a psychologist out there that wants to interpret my problems for me!

Yesterday, I took a 30 minute break from designing, and watched a bit of Arabic Satellite TV. I watched a glimpse of a TV series where a woman discussed her childhood growing up with a father’s wife.

I noticed in the Arab world she is not called step-mother or referenced as a mother, although she would have raised her husband’s children from infancy, because the maternal mother would have died giving birth.

Why the hatred?

What puzzled me, and always have been, that the father’s new wife is always mean, hateful, and mocking of her husband’s children. She hates them with a passion, and treats them poorly. It’s like the evil step-mother from Cinderella, but in every household. I don’t think you hear an Arab marriage with a step-mother as a “good” one filled with love towards the children. It is rare to hear, or maybe that is the way Arabs portray the new father’s wife and over exaggerate the situation.

In some cases, it is true and not over exaggerated. Many women that marry a man who has kids, treat his children as inferior to her. She makes them work day and night, and hates them with a passion. Why?

Avoiding hell on earth

Many Arab families, when they lose the mother when the children are still in their prime, refuse and make sure their father does not re-marry, because they don’t want “a father’s wife” to treat them like dirt. I guess it is so common, that they try their best to make sure it does not happen. I guess the stories are true, and the way Arab women who do marry men with children act this way are so common within the culture. Why?

Treat others the way you want to be treated

Even though the majority of Arabs are of Muslim faith, you wonder why these Arab/Muslim women act this way towards children with no mothers. Why can’t they take the role of a mother? Is it the children’s fault? Isn’t it wrong to treat them this way? Some of these children are also victims of divorced parents, and are stuck between two step-parents. However, I don’t understand why the hatred? I don’t understand why those women would do such a thing. Can’t they put them selves in these children’s shoes for once?

Avoid the marriage to begin with

What puzzles me is that a woman accepts to marry a man that has children, and hates his kids. Does she love her husband then? Or she married him for “other” reasons? Arab women really confuse me and make me wonder how shallow and arrogant they are. If you cannot handle such a life, why did you go into it in the first place?

What do you think? Is it a common thing within many families, and not just Arabs?