Is she considered a step-mother or just the father’s wife?
Yesterday, I took a 30 minute break from designing, and watched a bit of Arabic Satellite TV. I watched a glimpse of a TV series where a woman discussed her childhood growing up with a father’s wife.
I noticed in the Arab world she is not called step-mother or referenced as a mother, although she would have raised her husband’s children from infancy, because the maternal mother would have died giving birth.
Why the hatred?
What puzzled me, and always have been, that the father’s new wife is always mean, hateful, and mocking of her husband’s children. She hates them with a passion, and treats them poorly. It’s like the evil step-mother from Cinderella, but in every household. I don’t think you hear an Arab marriage with a step-mother as a “good” one filled with love towards the children. It is rare to hear, or maybe that is the way Arabs portray the new father’s wife and over exaggerate the situation.
In some cases, it is true and not over exaggerated. Many women that marry a man who has kids, treat his children as inferior to her. She makes them work day and night, and hates them with a passion. Why?
Avoiding hell on earth
Many Arab families, when they lose the mother when the children are still in their prime, refuse and make sure their father does not re-marry, because they don’t want “a father’s wife” to treat them like dirt. I guess it is so common, that they try their best to make sure it does not happen. I guess the stories are true, and the way Arab women who do marry men with children act this way are so common within the culture. Why?
Treat others the way you want to be treated
Even though the majority of Arabs are of Muslim faith, you wonder why these Arab/Muslim women act this way towards children with no mothers. Why can’t they take the role of a mother? Is it the children’s fault? Isn’t it wrong to treat them this way? Some of these children are also victims of divorced parents, and are stuck between two step-parents. However, I don’t understand why the hatred? I don’t understand why those women would do such a thing. Can’t they put them selves in these children’s shoes for once?
Avoid the marriage to begin with
What puzzles me is that a woman accepts to marry a man that has children, and hates his kids. Does she love her husband then? Or she married him for “other” reasons? Arab women really confuse me and make me wonder how shallow and arrogant they are. If you cannot handle such a life, why did you go into it in the first place?
What do you think? Is it a common thing within many families, and not just Arabs?
Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!
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Is every single one of my readers does not have a step-parent or has step-children? Weird.
I’ve had… 4 or 5 stepmothers, depending on what my dad’s marriage count is now! I only lived with 1 of them for any length of time though. In my experience, it is the kids who don’t accept the step-parent, not vice-versa! I think the stereotypes about step-parents who treat their spouse’s children badly are very unfair! I think often they do try to be a good parent to their step-children. Just basing that on what I’ve seen with myself and my fiends who had step-parents when I was a kid, so it’s no scientific study
I reckon its just the stubbornness. It’s because they feel that the child will threaten their household position or perhaps the position of their kids. They think in terms of inheritance and wealth. This is ignorant in many ways, but they are so arrogant and stubborn they may feel the need to protect themselves as “woman of the house”… etc. It’s very disappointing and sad in such a way they always want the husband to take their sides during any argument or dispute that occurs within the household. Man, some people are so selfish and cruel.
@Craig
I knew there are many positive stories of people that grew up with step-parents. You had to many though. What’s up with your dad?
@Starlight
I agree with you. You brought up a good point about stubbornness and inheritance. I think that is their main focus in life, and not the kids.
What you said in the last paragraph or she married him for other reasons? I think that might be it. Even though marrying for love has become more prevelant in the middle east in the last few decades, arranged marraiges are still more common and that might lead to some resentment towards the kids if the woman gets into an arranged marraige with a man who already has kids. I’ve known one marraige where an arab couple married for love and the man already a kid and the step-mother accepted the child as her own. And I’ve known one other in which it was an arranged marraige where the man had a kid and the mother, didn’t mistreat him, but didn’t fully accept the kid as her own. Of course I’m sure there are times when its all vice versa of what I just said, but I think this has to do with the majority.
Marriages in the middle east are those of convenience and/or are relationships based on false and material “love”. It’s all about position and status for us arabs, and it makes me sick.
Real love doesn’t exist. It’s a fallacy. People are far too selfish for love to exist, especially in the GCC.
My fiance and his brother were raised by their stepmother since they were very young, and you can see that she treats her stepsons just as she treats her own son. When she married their father, she accepted the whole family, and now she’s much more than a father’s wife. She’s really their mom in all ways except DNA.
Just had to defend the great stepmothers in the world!
Unfortunately it is not only arabs. I read a blog written by an asian gal, whose step mom is driving her to thoughts of insanity, and running away from it all. The fact that the kid is treated like an inferior being is disgusting and shocking – but it happens.
If only the pain of the sufferer could be felt by the inflictor… if only…