A slight feeling of regret
Occipital bone, lobe, internal, external, tissues, inion, squama, Grey’s Anatomy, etc. All those small words may mean something to you or not, but means a lot to me. Especially since I enjoy reading more about human physiology, then normalizing a MySQL database, and having the best time complexity in my algorithm.
I feel like I am betraying my profession, but I was a Biology major for 2 years before I switched into this endeavor. Today, I spent my afternoon searching why my skull has a little rigid area with too much depth near the neck. Somehow I ended up reading the evolution of the human skull through time, biological Anthropology papers (which I took a course in in University), and histology. I was more drawn to it. I kept reading, looking at diagrams, reading research papers, etc for over two hours. I really killed my afternoon. I was bored, fasting, and I didn’t have any energy to do anything productive. Well, reading is productive no?
As I was reading and enjoying my time learning about human physiology and histology, I felt utter regret of my life. I asked my self a million questions about my past, and the mistakes that I made. I don’t know why I went to major in Computer Science. I didn’t even like it that much. Well, I like programming, and making user interfaces a lot nicer and easier to use, but I hated the theory. The advanced pure mathematics that I had to study along side of it actually kept me sane, because I love math. However, I just kept thinking, what would I have been like now if I did continue studying Biology?
I guess when you are fresh out of highschool, you have certain dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, as time passes, your mind wonders into different possibilities and think other possibilities are better for your future. Don’t get me wrong, I loved computers at the same time. I loved making websites from the time the internet was a toddler still, and not many people knew what it was. However, I love science more. I like human physiology, learning about diseases and abnormalities. I love the history and genetics. I am looking back now to the year 1999 when I finished highschool and just entered University, and kept thinking, “Wow. I wish I can go back in time and slap my self silly to even have considered studying anything else. I could be doing my PhD now researching a cure for Cancer or something like that!”
Now, I am sort of stuck being a computer geek. I like it, but what did I get out of it? Look at me now. I have been unemployed for almost a year. I feel stressed out all the time, very depressed and extremely moody, my hair is rapidly turning gray, and I am not happy with my life. I try to start my own internet projects, and I have so many ideas that are unbelievable and could be the next big thing! However, I cannot sit down on the computer anymore for more than an hour without thinking to my self, “Is this my life? When can I start helping humanity out?”
My old job was a bit more humanitarian, because I made software for children with hearing problems. However, now, who am I helping? What’s my purpose?
I need to seriously get my self motivated again. People don’t have jobs anymore, and more and more people are stuck in a rut like me. I got to make the most out of my professional knowledge, and start something big soon. I need a real job again, with a real monthly pay cheque and even more. What do I lack expect motivation? The past is gone, I went off tangent, and I got to keep on walking that way. It’s a one way street now to the technology unknown. I hope the internet world will be kind to me, because people like me, and I know a lot, are not happy. We are tired, and we need to stop saying, “What if?” and start saying, “What can I do next?”
Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Whatever!
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I looove FouseyTube!! All of his videos are... 
hmm. I wonder if it’s normal for an upper 20 year old to feel this way because I feel the same way. I enjoy my job and career, but I feel like I would be much happier doing something else like law, politics or international affairs. I’m just glad I enjoy what I do enough not to regret it every day, but I do have moments when I wake up and realize that all of this debt I have from school and a failed marriage forces me to keep moving forward because I can’t afford to go back to school right now even if I wanted to, but what if I could? Would I?
I really hope you find the answers before I do, believe me.
@Moonstar Silverwolf
Hmm yah.. but wow.. I just checked your Facebook profile and realized that I am older than you. Why did I feel that you were older? lool
The web didn’t even exist when I got into programming, and the internet was little more than a rumor :p
“Wow. I wish I can go back in time and slap my self silly to even have considered studying anything else. I could be doing my PhD now researching a cure for Cancer or something like that!â€
I know a woman with an MD from Harvard who does cancer research at a major university. She’s not a very happy person. I’ve always considered myself very lucky to be able to do something for a living that I genuinely enjoy doing… that’s pretty rare, it seems like. Most people don’t like their jobs all that much, regardless of what they end up doing. If you think you are better suited for something else or that you’d enjoy something else, by all means pursue it! It’s never too late
Sounds very familiar in many ways *sigh* BUT!
Let’s take a deep breath, close our eyes and make a heartfelt wish as we exhale. Shaher Ramadan mubarek kareem we Allah akram. Do3a mina al qalb, ya Mona, will go a long way in such times.
We’re all here rooting for you (and for us) … so, you’re in good company. 
If it is any consolation to you, words fail me in saying how good your writing makes me feel; this genuine and no nonsense space your created has become like a companion … a solace to many unspoken pains.
Sometimes we get a monthly pay check, some other times it’s a big fat lucky break for sending out well-meaning energy into the cosmos. So, remember that you’re not just touching lives with the time you devote to writing on here, but you’re also gonna get rewarded for it.
I say you’ll get what you wish for before the end of Ramadan. And I’m not even lying to ya … cause I’m fasting? Chin up, sis!
@Mona
lol. Maybe you just assumed professors are old 
I wouldn’t consider 7 months too much to fuss about
@Moonstar Silverwolf
maybe… not many professors at your age.
My heart jolted for a second when I read this post, it was as if I was reading a post about myself. It was also the 1999 when I finished high school and entered university. I have no idea what to study and my parents were pushing hard for computer science. Being as clueless as I am, I went down that path without much thought.
10 years later, looking at my friends who have become professors, I really wish I had done more research and walked down that path. I am luckier than you in the since I still have a programming job, but I suffer from the same what ifs. Unlike you, I have no talent when it comes to front end. All my dreams of writing web application went down the toilet because of inability to create a decent UI.
If it is any consolation, I really enjoy reading your blog. It always bring a smile to my face when I read your blog and the comments of your readers.
@plin
Wow.. I am glad someone out there feels the same way. I was getting lonely there for a second. Well, I am glad you like my blog, and I hope to see more comments from you more often.
Maybe you could write a book in arabic explaining evolution to the uneducated masses. Something like ‘the selfish gene’ by Dawkins. Or at least tell them Darwin wasnt a jew/mason/satanist but a Victorian gentleman. I study medicine, and hundreds of diseases can be explained by the theory of evolution; from malaria to obesity.
Besides, people will realise their holy books cannot be taken literally anymore (we’re not made from clay) and therefore will be less eager to kill others because of their religion. So go out there and start the arab renaissance. Its long overdue, Ibn sinna and Ibn rusd are dead for centuries. A good scientist is a bit of a rebel
@Maarten
Umm.. I disagree with half of what you said, especially the religion part. Anyways, thanks for the advice!
A drop of doubt about the truthfullness of religion could change the mind of those who kill in its name, but would not change the mind of those who do good in its name.
But what is your opinion then? do you believe our race slowly evolved in the course of millions of years from lower life forms, or do you believe the first two humans were created from a bloodcloth by Allah not more than 10.000 years ago? Do you believe the universe was created in 6 days or slowly formed the way it is now in 14 billion years?
I dont want to ridicule you or something, im just curious about how you combine modern materialistic science with your faith.
@maarten
Hmm, I believe in my faith strongly. I will tell you why.
I rather believe that us humans did not evolve from an animal. I rather believe that we possess our intelligence that is beyond any other living thing, because God wanted it this way. And yes, I do believe in the story of Adam & Eve. So there you go, I believe in creationism.
The one thing that I do not understand about evolution, and I did study it thoroughly because I had to, is that if we go back billions of years, and humans did evolve somehow from something that is not human, then where did this non-human come from? Like explain to me, where is the beginning of all this? How did it all form? Where did it come from? Why do people believe that we evolved from an animal, and everything else evolved over time from something else. However, those people do not go back further and explain where these things originated from.
I just want someone to explain to me scientifically the origin of everything that we see now. Once someone does, that is not biased, purely scientific, and is 100% proven, then I will think about it some more and slightly agree. Until then, a lot of people will never believe “the fairy tale” of Adam and Eve, and people like me will never believe that human intelligence evolved from a primate.
Simple as that.
Sh*t i typed a very long answer explaining the origin of life and the universe and then my internet connection failed. Gone.
There are very plausible scientific theories about our origins: the big bang, abiogenesis etc. Those theories are more astronomy and chemistry than biology. But some things we will never know.
You should know there is no such thing as 100% proven in science. That is the way of the scientific method.
Thanks for you honest anwer
@ Maarten.
Explain what youre view is on the world and how it was created. Ive read youre posts and im really interested to know. Is this youre first time studying religion ?