Arabs marrying non-Arabs
There is a question that I don’t have a real answer for, but it is the most asked question that people ask me. This question is mostly asked because people think that the Rebellious Arab Girl is such a crazy odd girl who will do anything and everything.
Mona, why don’t you just marry a non-Arab?
What’s wrong with marrying a convert?
Mona, if you don’t like the Arabic culture, why not just marry outside of it and spare us your complaints?
Blah blah blah!
My answer is simple. I was raised a certain way, and I don’t want someone to get accustomed to the way I was brainwashed by the family and arabic culture, and I don’t have to get accustomed to his. However it is my choice, and I never looked down upon Arabs that marry outside of their culture. That is their choice and they have their reasoning to do so. I have no reason to judge, and no one should. I actually understand why they do that most of the time.
Why deal with the Arab in-laws that won’t leave you alone?
Why deal with messed up Arab customs that have no basis or reasoning?
Why deal with Arab backwards ideologies?
Those are just questions, and everyone has an answer to them. Many Arabs marry non-Arabs. It is known throughout history. A lot of people are against it, and I don’t know why. If it effects you directly, then go ahead and be angry about it. All I know is, that each person is held responsible for their own actions. Let them do what they please. Arab male or female, let them be.
I know there are so many problems with interracial marriages, especially the way Arabs perceive it, but what can you do? Arabs are so picky sometimes that they want their sons and daughters to only marry an Arab. However, this Arab has to be from the same country, speaks the same dialect, and is from the same village. What can you do? This is their mentality. Accept it, or leave it.
For me, I don’t have a problem with the interracial marriage thing, which I know why it happens. My problem is Arabs themselves who need to learn to accept each other first as Arabic speaking people. I used to get ridiculed for my messed up Arabic dialect by “other” Arabs who happen to be from the same old country as me. However, I am from a different region, but to them, I am from a different world. Therefore, this mentality is a reason that many Arabs (not me) resort to this solution of getting out of the whole Arabic messed up ideology, and just marry someone who doesn’t even speak the language and end it there.
Would I do it? Probably not. I like my language, and I like being an Arab. However, I am not rushing or ever thinking of this issue. I know there are so many problems in this culture of mine that make me want to abolish my roots, but seriously, it’s not so bad being an Arab. However, I believe that it is logical for an Arab to marry another Arab. If some Arabs think negatively of it, then maybe one day they will see the upside of the whole thing. If those Arabs really want things to change, then maybe they can start by the way they want to live their life, and raise their children in a more modern Arab lifestyle.
You change, things will change, and maybe you might be a little bit happier as a result. Right?
Not every Arab story is similar to Romeo and Juliette’s, where instead of the suicide, the result is the denial of your entire Arab roots. Let’s avoid that, and think of a way to change the messed up ideologies first, eh?
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After reading this article that I just wrote, I think I need more coffee. Half the sentences are so horribly written. Oh well, you guys get the point.
Is it a pic of an arab marriage? I thought they were more conservative!
i like how you put it, it is indeed a brainwashing ceremony to get used to other customs. but minus all the petty images that brainwashing entails, i think it would be fun to try and converge to a new way of life, be it twisted and low to the floor
i think the real problems lies in xenophobia, and it is rooted deep within the subconscious, for, it has always been keen to deal only with ones tribe, you see, and not with others that look and act different. So this is something that might plague the future if we were to not de-evolve this fear of the unknown. or it could be a gift, to help ones ways survive through the ages.
@Abdullah
Not all arabs are the same.
@Brian
I agree! It is a brainwashing scheme I tell ya!!
Love your blog. You’ve got some really good information here.
My sister is engaged to an american muslim-convert. It originally caused a lot of distress for my father, who has slowly gotten used to the idea. There was no arab guy who can handle a well-educated, independent and financially secure woman like my sister, the way most arab guys are raised they can’t handle that kind of mentality. So it was no surprise that she found an american guy who can handle being with a woman like her. The idea of arabs marrying non-arabs isn’t easy, I think most see it as going against their own culture. But sometimes you have to follow your heart and be with the person you want to be with. Mona, don’t let these comments get to you, this is your own life you can choose what kind of person you want to marry. And whoever does get to marry you would be one lucky persn.
@ivenx oy’s
Thank you!
@Desert Shark
Well, I think there are the few off Arab guys out there that will accept an educated smart independent Arabic girl. However, how long will they both wait to find each other? It will take a while, and some give up and find another solution.
Dont you want to marry as your marriage pic.
Mostly of families in the world felt happy when the marriage held on the same thing such as tribe, religion etc, in otherwise, the many different of marriage state would lead off many problems except it had the highest both adaptation and understanding.
I was raised in a household that taught me that we should place Arab women on pedastiles… My dating experience however has taught me that women are women no matter what culture , language or background they have. Although, there are certain thing that are lost if some one marries a non arab, primaily the tounge, I love Arabic so when I hear Arabic spoken from a woman its a huge turn on for me… Because I don’t hear it much now, but with most young Arabs in the west, the language is pretty weak and they don’t grasp it well so, for me, its not an issue I can take. But there is another problem , and that being Palestinian. If I want to woman to understand my cause, and I mean understand it, not just tolrate it and have sympthy for it. She need to be Palestinian beacase its her cause too. However I much more excited , intrigued and enamoured with non Arab girls. I definetly don’t want a virigin , also I don’t a woman that bases marraige as the center or her life or mine also I don’t want to teach anyone things, people say that after marriage you learn to love each other , learn from each other. If I wanted to teach I would have gotten a job at a high school or something. Although I love being single, there is an issue on both ends between what’s desirable and what’s more pragamtic…. Maybe when I fall in love , i would see what my priorities are. But in the mean time lust is the way to go. If want love I will just eat some nuttella or some Godiva choclate , who as of this moment as I am writing this is my one and only true love
You guys can comment now. I had to disable the captcha for now.
if i have to choose between marrying an Arab and non Arab, i would pick the non Arab even I’m an Arab.for one simple reason, i cant bear the Arabic men mentality, which is dogmatic, racist, sexist … just name it …and any successful woman cant deal with such behavior because an Arabic man cant accept a woman as partner in life, he want her to be under his control following his wills and denying her existence…I don’t wanna generalize, but the most Arabic men are not looking for wife to share life with, but they are looking for domestic servant…My cousin is married to french converted to Islam. they passed their holiday in morocco with us.one day i woke up to find him ironing his and her cloths, then he changed the diapers of their daughter,and he even washed the dishes… he helped in everything…My brother found him cooking dinner he told him ” dude are you crazy!!! she is the one who got to do that, then why you married her” he said with an innocent face ” i married her cus i loved her” lol
what do you want to marry with non arab, it had same taste….delicìous
I want to marry an American woman.
When and if the issue of marriage to a non Arab comes up, do not presume to make the decision on his behalf. Explain to him/her what you think it entails to be married to you within the context of your immediate and extended family. The decision should be totally his/hers. Everything else is details.
this whole idea is crazy we r all people n god made us all who u fall in love with is who u fall in love with n that should be that but i know thats not how it gos 4 most arabs or alot anyways i get sooo MADDDDD thinking about this lol it is crazy 4 any father or mother 2 reject any man 4 his darther (yes i cant spell darter so sue me lol)or any girl 4 there son i mean as long as they love each other these parents that reject a man or a woman 4 there son or girl (remember i cant spell dar)lol because he or she is not arab is really really crazy it says in the quran dont guide those whome u love but its the lord above who guides whome he wills 2 the right path so why dont these parents read this n think about that i belive if 2 people love each other thats a gift from god n i cant talk 4 god but i dont think god cares of its a arab marrying a arab or whatever this is ahhhhhh crap i really cant spell this 1 but whatever i will try racism thats what it is its racism shame on them those people need 2 open up there eyes n stop being so racist everyboby has the same colur heart on the inside i think i kindy might have went off topic a bit but when i start talking i tend 2 drift off lol
It’s wrong to stereotype or generalize Arab guys… honestly speak one of my relatives had an arranged marriage to a man who was very arrogant and looked down on her because she didn’t conceive straight away. He used to treat her badly and always assumed she was mentally ill, when that was never the case and life away from home was not easy for her. Then after their first child and between the times he fell ill and she took great care of him they fell in love. He started to wash the dishes, try and cook and even set the table for her. He always loves to pamper her and often treats her like the Queen of the house. So I guess love has a way of developing as the marriage progresses. That’s the real meaning of love. They tolerate each other’s ‘weird’ habits (for the women its shopping too much) and for the man it may be his ego or other things… but in the end they overlook each other’s flaws and their love is noticed despite the hardships or obstacles (such as in-laws) they may have endured in the beginning.
I personally think everyone should stick to their own culture and background. Arab should marry Arabs and so on. It saves alot of trouble, hassle, family conflicts and disagreements. You say some people rather not deal with Arab in laws who wont leave you alone, says who other in laws arent trouble and they wil leave you alone. Honestly alot of problems does occur marrying someone else with other background. If not sooner it will effect you later on, althou their are alot of people I kno who married other backgrounds and are happy. So you never know, but I rather not!
p.s No offence to those who are already married to other backgrounds or are planning to, it may work it for use!!!:D
I personally think everyone should stick to their own culture and background. Arab should marry Arabs and so on. It saves alot of trouble, hassle, family conflicts and disagreements. You say some people rather not deal with Arab in laws who wont leave you alone, says who other in laws arent trouble and they wil leave you alone. Honestly alot of problems does occur marrying someone else with other background. If not sooner it will effect you later on, althou their are alot of people I kno who married other backgrounds and are happy. So you never know, but I rather not!
p.s No offence to those who are already married to other backgrounds or are planning to, it may work it for use!!!:D
Its all my opinioon!!
My cousin is married to a american Christian girl, I had a talk with the girl and i asked her what made you marry a arab guy, She told me that she simply loved him and that she thought he was the right one for her.
Believe me if i found the right girl for me and she isn’t Arab i would marry her without any hesitation, But my dad always say, Marrying a arab girl is always better.
Nice post.
@hudaman
then you will have to give up your right to say “Death to America”!!
Can you live with that?
@Abdullah
Offcourse I can. I’ve been living with that. No one deserves to die.
@hudaman
….I wasn’t serious there when I made the earlier comment….
@Abdullah @hudaman
Aren’t you two funny?
yes we are. and you are too, Mona
@Mona
haha…
It’s easier and probably better to marry an arab so you don’t have to deal with culture conflicts for the rest of your life. That’s why chinese marry chinese, indians marry indians… and yeah this seems the right thing to do.
For me, decision taken: wife has to be 100% Arabic. Why? Because Arabs are the best seriously!!! Sounds like racism! Sorry, but anyway we need some racist people in the arab world!!!
Marry who ever you think can make you happy!!!
@imad
the arabs say they are the best, the indian’s say that they are the best(they have got a lot of songs on this!) and the americans say that they are the best(and they have everything to prove you that they are!)
@desert shark
My sister is engaged to an american muslim-convert. It originally caused a lot of distress for my father, who has slowly gotten used to the idea. There was no arab guy who can handle a well-educated, independent and financially secure woman like my sister, the way most arab guys are raised they can’t handle that kind of mentality.
Your describing my exact situation, Except I live in Europe. Any tips would be appreciated, even though my family know that those types of men are the opposite of everything I represent. How did your sister get around this issue?
This is a touchy subject for me as you will see in my writing. I am passionate about this & there are good reasons for it, please excuse me as I get on my soap box and rant a little
I am believe that culture & heritage is part of what makes a person who they are. However, I also believe culture does not make you love someone. Race, ethnicity, religion and traditions shape who we are, but not who we become. I was born into a white Christian home, but just because I was raised that way doesn’t mean that is who I am or who I plan to be. I am currently living a life within the Bible Belt of the US, but exploring Islam & find myself likely becoming one as every moment passes.
So, does my family background and my race cause me to not be able to integrate into the Arabic culture or more broadly the Muslim culture? No, I do not believe this is true. I know I am willing to learn if the person whom I love is willing to teach me. None of my background indicates who I am as a being, but only where I have been. My mother is my mother, my father is my father; but there is not a moment when I am living my mother or father’s life for they have their own. I am living mine. If my parents have a problem with who I am, who I love or who I love – that is their problem not mine. I still love them just the same.
If we continue to listen to our parents on what is right or wrong with marrying such and such, we miss out on opportunities to really enjoy life. I made the mistake of marrying within my race & family’s faith & it didn’t work well at all. Long story – but it involved their unfaithfulness & unwillingness to work with the marriage – so, without any choice in the matter, I left with my job to build a life anew.
So, while it is logical to marry within your own heritage, I do not believe people marry outside of it to “get away” from it. (Sure some may.) I just think people need to stop being so damn picky about things and truly appreciate when love happens. Language & culture can be learned overtime. Only the weak will not work when love comes around. If you are weak enough to not allow someone to enter your life just because of who they were born as, then you are living a shallow life, get over yourself. If you never have to deal with this question, good for you.
Of course, none of this is directed at you, Mona or anyone specific, it can even apply to other cultures – black, Latino, Jewish, etc. There are a lot of great people out there, be with the one that fits you best, not because they were raised a certain way – but because of who THEY are.
ITS RACISM N THATS ALL IT ISSSS
@Moonstar Silverwolf
Please dont go around saying that “most” Arab men cannot stand a successful woman….If you want to be fair, say some and most.
I know lots of Arab guys how are educated and open minded a lot more than that American and want to marry educated Arab woman. Just for fun google the percentage of american men who beat and mistreat their wives….
Say some and not most…..sorry
@Incandescent Chimera
SO it took a baby n 4 him 2 get sick 2 love her what a guy lol
@nabeela
I agree with your comment…
as for the topic itelf.. Marry for love. Marry because you and your potential mate UNDERSTAND each other.. quirks and all. No other reason should hold water. Love, trust and understand. Everything else is just bullshit.
@Charlie Hayse
She accepted the marriage because they were having war in the country and her father passed away before the marriage… she was also the only sister of 5 girls who was unmarried so this in turn put pressure on her to get married. Suppose you could say that. Some Arab guys turn their whole attitude around after a life changing event… while others don’t.
I believe you should only marry a person when you discover that they are the one and only person whom you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
@BlackBarook
that’s a good definition!
@Incandescent Chimera
yeah ok i see what u r saying but how u know he really loves her maybe he just wants 2 have some1 2 take care of him in case he gets sick again ?anyway i really wish both of them all the best n may allah bless them i just dont like the whole idea of arranged marrages i mean marrying some1 b4 u love them like really love them alot of people out there just like 2 belive that they r in love in this case (arranged marryages)if u marry some1 like this how u know if u r really going 2 love him or her n they r already marryed lol its crazy i think n there is good n bad everywhere arab or non arab
So you say Arab customs are backwards, arabs have backward ideologies and if you marry one, your arab inlaws will never leave you alone. And yet you say you dont want to leave your arab roots and it isnt so bad being an arab. Could you elaborate on the redeeming qualities of Arab culture? Or are you just afraid to get lost in the forest of brainless pop-culture?
PS.
UNDHR article 16
•(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
@maarten
You have limited understanding or acceptance of what is different. Too much to explain, and I have no reason to do so on a blog. So spare me your philosophical view points, and learn to accept that culture and societies outside your little bubble is different. It has nothing to do with rights, but culture and family.
@Charlie Hayse
I know what you mean… I’m actually referring to my parents. They take care of each other and its really nice. I don’t like the idea of arranged marriages b/c I’ve seen how screwed up some of them are amongst some of my family members, and the fact remains that sometimes the relationship is neutral… however as Mona once said when Arabs marry both families end up marrying… then sometimes the in-laws cause all the conflict. Many families and couples we know end up cutting their blood-relatives simply because they come to realise they are behind most of the conflict. The children themselves end up messed up because one set of grandparents aunts and uncles treat them badly and the other side of the family treat them so well they try over-pamper them just to make up for the children been ‘hated’ by the other family. It’s a sad reality… but again we grow out of it and forget about it eventually. One parent continues to defend their parents and so does the other… the children just end up loving one set of grandparents or relatives only… Some marriages really mess up the kids
@Incandescent Chimera
that’s very unfortunate.
@Incandescent Chimera
yeah it is very sad that people do this n its really crazy that when arabs marry both familys end up marrying but again i wish them all the best n if i say anything wroung i am sorry
Don’t be sorry… most people we know are used to it. Some of us when we’re born don’t receive even a congratulations or blessings on our birth simply because they’re constantly at the throats of our mothers and hate them. In our culture when a child is born the relatives have to buy gold. So we end up getting gifts from our mother’s side and nothing from our father’s side… it doesn’t bother us because we notice all families have disagreements/conflicts, some worse than others so we just live with it… our fathers are good to us… its just that our grandparents (who went to all the trouble to arrange the marriage… ahh the hypocrisy) don’t like us. It’s not about the gifts… its just about enjoying the company of elderly people and listening to their stories about our parents when they were kids and spending quality time with them which makes it most meaningful. Rhetorical question: What can we do? sigh
@Incandescent Chimera
when a baby is born no matter who said what or who done what everyboby should put everything else aside then n at least be thankful that they have a new person in the family u say fathers n not father do that mean anything lol (i mean u have only 1 dad )right lol
@Incandescent Chimera
i mean that i was sorry caz i diden mean 2 say anything bad towards yr parents or yr friends or any1
now i have 2 say 1 more thing lol if 2 people love each other no matter were he is from or she is from they should be able 2 get marryed if they both want it who is any boby else 2 stop them
@Charlie Hayse
@Charlie Hayse
No problem I’m not insulted. We have one father LOL
… I’m speaking generally. Anyways, my friends and I came to a conclusion after going over this topic so many times that most Arab guys are mummy’s boys. Nothing wrong with been a mummy’s boy… it’s just that when you love your mum too much it can get in the way of having a proper relationship with your wife and your own family. I have a friend who is Indian & Hindu who says its not only the case with Arab families but Indians as well regardless of their religions or beliefs. Suppose some people have it worse than others… I don’t know if its the same for other ethnic/religious groups as well.