There is a question that I don’t have a real answer for, but it is the most asked question that people ask me. This question is mostly asked because people think that the Rebellious Arab Girl is such a crazy odd girl who will do anything and everything.
Mona, why don’t you just marry a non-Arab?
What’s wrong with marrying a convert?
Mona, if you don’t like the Arabic culture, why not just marry outside of it and spare us your complaints?
Blah blah blah!
My answer is simple. I was raised a certain way, and I don’t want someone to get accustomed to the way I was brainwashed by the family and arabic culture, and I don’t have to get accustomed to his. However it is my choice, and I never looked down upon Arabs that marry outside of their culture. That is their choice and they have their reasoning to do so. I have no reason to judge, and no one should. I actually understand why they do that most of the time.
Why deal with the Arab in-laws that won’t leave you alone?
Why deal with messed up Arab customs that have no basis or reasoning?
Why deal with Arab backwards ideologies?
Those are just questions, and everyone has an answer to them. Many Arabs marry non-Arabs. It is known throughout history. A lot of people are against it, and I don’t know why. If it effects you directly, then go ahead and be angry about it. All I know is, that each person is held responsible for their own actions. Let them do what they please. Arab male or female, let them be.
I know there are so many problems with interracial marriages, especially the way Arabs perceive it, but what can you do? Arabs are so picky sometimes that they want their sons and daughters to only marry an Arab. However, this Arab has to be from the same country, speaks the same dialect, and is from the same village. What can you do? This is their mentality. Accept it, or leave it.
For me, I don’t have a problem with the interracial marriage thing, which I know why it happens. My problem is Arabs themselves who need to learn to accept each other first as Arabic speaking people. I used to get ridiculed for my messed up Arabic dialect by “other” Arabs who happen to be from the same old country as me. However, I am from a different region, but to them, I am from a different world. Therefore, this mentality is a reason that many Arabs (not me) resort to this solution of getting out of the whole Arabic messed up ideology, and just marry someone who doesn’t even speak the language and end it there.
Would I do it? Probably not. I like my language, and I like being an Arab. However, I am not rushing or ever thinking of this issue. I know there are so many problems in this culture of mine that make me want to abolish my roots, but seriously, it’s not so bad being an Arab. However, I believe that it is logical for an Arab to marry another Arab. If some Arabs think negatively of it, then maybe one day they will see the upside of the whole thing. If those Arabs really want things to change, then maybe they can start by the way they want to live their life, and raise their children in a more modern Arab lifestyle.
You change, things will change, and maybe you might be a little bit happier as a result. Right?
Not every Arab story is similar to Romeo and Juliette’s, where instead of the suicide, the result is the denial of your entire Arab roots. Let’s avoid that, and think of a way to change the messed up ideologies first, eh?
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@hajar benlahmar
thank u 4 saying that
Dear Mona,
take it easy ! It was just an opinion of an Arab guy who lived all his life in KSA, Egypt then UAE.
Notice that I’ve been saying “Most of the arab girls” in every point I mentioned. That’s what I saw and dealt with and I also met the “educated, smart, not obsessed with marriage” girls but they are pretty rare.
Yeah, specially when they get to the ages between 25 and 30.
No, I don’t.
btw, almost all of my friends are Arab and Muslims and having sex with prostitutes and not planning to get married before the age of 30.
I enjoyed wasting my time making the biased list while fasting.
@Abdullah go ahead dude, give me more qualities in Arab girls. I’d love to hear, know and discuss.
@Shareb
I never said that it was forbidden in Islam to marry a non-arab. If you insist for some odd reason on marrying a non-arab than go ahead and do so….As for me I dont want to marry someone who does not speak Arabic which is the language of the Quran and sunnah. And Yes I will never marry without the consent of my guardian because this is in are religion weither you guys like it or not. As for you my marroccan sister (hajar), you should have some manners and stop calling people stupid.
@maarten
yes, very true… arabic woman fair divorce… they feel ashamed to be divorced even if they are unhappy, the arabic society and traditions that Miss nabella is defending doesnt accept divorced women…
@ mohammad hussein
“No, I don’t.
btw, almost all of my friends are Arab and Muslims and having sex with prostitutes and not planning to get married before the age of 30.”
What kind of friends do you have? If i found out most of my friends went to prostitutes, i’d go searching for other friends.
@nabeela
The ‘odd reason’ being love of course
@nabeela
i didnt call you stupid… go and reread what i wrote
i just called you traditional and i hate traditions so i have the right to be against you…
I hate traditions as well, and I think you guys need to calm down and not insult or even say anything negative towards each other. Try to speak in the general sense, and only try to refute each others opinions. That’s all I ask.
Woman in Muslim countries countries can divorce if they wish and you know that…..so dont lie hajar, listen if you’re anti-arab and you hate yourself for being arab and you want to act like a westerner, than the lest thing you can do is not bash the Arab countries….have some manners.
As for marteen it is we Muslims who have made you europeans civilised, we got you out of the dark ages it was the muslim who came to the european and gave him a bar of soap to clean him self with….yes it was muslims who invented soap.
Muslims invented a lot more than europeans like algebra, it’s an arab family name “Al-Gaber”
Dont take my word for it….do your reaserch, read and enlighten youself.
loool!!! love!! you guys are cute!!!
@nabeela
u know there r some people in this world that is not arab n know arabic lol n there r some people that know friench n they r not french lol n were in the quran does it say that yr dad or guardian has 2 accept i want 2 see it 4 my self (i am not agaist this but i want 2 see it in the quran )caz what i found is that if he is a beliver n a good person n so on that it is ok it says 4 the belivers 2 marry the belivers were does it say that yr guardian has 2 accept ?
You didnt make us europeans civilized, long before there even were muslims we had the Roman Empire, before that the Greek civilization. The dark ages were not so dark as they are made out to be, although it wasnt the best of times. The renaissance (the rebirth of europe) was inspired by the classical times (greeks, romans) and not by the arabs. Even in this time, i studied Latin and Greek when i went to school.
For a brief time, the arabs adopted greek philosophy, and became scientific. However this was abandoned around 1200 AD in favor of religion, and after that, nothing new has come out of muslim lands.
And about the number of inventions, you have to be kidding: are you forgetting cars, planes, electricity, computers, genes, antibiotics, all other medicine. Most of the ‘science’ from before 1600 is false anyway. Except the maths.
@nabeela
@nabeela
loool!!! love!!you guys are cute!!! what u mean ? maybe u dont belive in love that makes sence now lol(u cant talk about love 2 some1 who does not belive in it )
I’m not lieing Miss nabila… Arabic women never think of divorce as first sulotion even if it is the only sulotion she got… cus they dont have courage to face society as divorced woman…here in moroco we have the same problem cus divorced woman always looked at as bad woman so dont deny that cus it is pathtic…Im not against arab I’m an arab and proud of being an arab but I’m not an arrogant I have open mind that i can always let an open door to communicate with others… but i’m against arabs like you who are not racist and not open-minded who always make others missunderstood us…about what you said about islam that invented and … this talk is soo old fashined and it doesnt help islam anymore cus what you said islam invented the europeans over come it yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars ago and your talk what make us not progressing cus it make us stick to the history…the history which is death and never comeback again …
@hajar benlahmar
i meant who are racist lol hhhh
I like to think that there is someone out there for everyone, so dont give up hope yet Mona, perhaps you will meet a rebellious arab guy some day.
I’m not gonna waste my time and talk to westerners, therfore I’ll be talking to hajar. When you say “never think of a divorce as a first solution” How is that bad? Just because she got into an argument with her husband that does not mean that she’ll divorce him. Hajar, I’m an open minded person and I respect other people’s religion and culture, but when it comes to marriage I want to marry someone from my own background…as for love, well lets just say life is not a Bollywood movie. Hajar, il apparait que vous ne comprenez pas votre religion bien. Prenez le temps de lire sure le marriage dans notre religion, vous avez aucune idée le pourcentage de divorce entre les Musulmans qui sont mariés hors de leur cultures. J’ai une question pour: pouquoi vous voulez marriez un non-arabe, pouquoi pas l’arabe? c’est quoi votre “phylosophie”? Vous devez comprendre que le marriage n’est pas un jeu. C’est juste les stupides qui croit que l’amour est la seul chose pour avoir un bon marriage, mais vous devez aimez la personne que vous allez marrier bien sure. Croyer moi, vous allez être beaucoup plus heureuse dans votre marriage, si vous marriez un arabe. Si vous choisissez de marrier un non-arab, vous avez le droit, c’est pas contre notre religion. ça me fait male dans le coeur de voir ma soeur arabe marrier a un non-arabe, j’ai lu beaucoup sur c’est sorte do marriage, c’est pas plaisant. Finallement je m’excuse si j’ai dis des choses offensives.
Salam
@nabeela
Its racism i tell you, even if you say it in French.
Moi, je crois en l’amour, même pour les Arabes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0thRUS1wUw
Nice!!! you know frensh!!! thats cool
question: what does this video has to do with muslims marrying outside their background?
The video is about a mixed marriage between protestants and catholics, in a way comparable with a mixed marriage with arabs and non arabs. And besides i wanted to have a different tone.
You see nabeela, people are the same everywhere. My parents prefer me to marry someone of my people, although they would accept a non-Frisian, but then she would have to be a really good person.
i came 2 a conclusion lol god made us all we r all brothers n sisters n there 4 we should be able 2 marry whoever we want n thats that lol any 1 that dont see that i dont know what 2 tell ya (its not me)
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Most common stereotypes of Arabs in Australian Universities “Arrogant, Aggressive, Nationalistic & Spiritual”.. (taken from an Australian Psychology Textbook) I’m Arab myself and though I am against stereotyping or generalising Arabs I think some of these stereotypes are true. It doesn’t matter if you’re Muslim, Christian or Jewish… the traditional culture is still there. I am not implying Western culture is far better nor am I implying Arab culture is better. It is merely an obstacle we have to overcome by been open-minded, sticking to ‘some of the positive traditions’ (such as taking care of the elderly, having good manners, honesty, loyalty… that are part of been Arab) and slowly giving up the more negative parts of our traditions (such as gossiping too much about others, giving unwanted advice, controlling/dominating/dictating other families lives… etc). As for marriage it is in the hands of Allah and no one should disregard any person because of their ethnicity, culture or background. Read the Marxism theory of class… I am AGAINST Marxism but this commonly practiced in my family and is very significant… (without many of us realising where it came from) it may not apply in the case of love… and of course I wouldn’t marry without my parents blessings because I love them so much… but all I’m saying is no one should discriminate against anyone. Ever read the Hadith “An Arab is NOT superior to a NON-Arab”.
@Incandescent Chimera
n in return yr parents should let u marry who u want if they really love u
An Arab is not superior to a non-Arab…thats absolutaly true.
By me saying “I want to marry an Arab guy” it’s not because I beleive that non-Arabs are inferior. I just want to marry someone from the same background as me, thats all.
“Arrogant, Aggressive, Nationalistic & Spiritualâ€..this does not only apply for Arabs, we all know that. Even if it was written in a text book, it is simply someone’s opinion.
It’s not just an Arab thing, it’s an asain thing as well
Well I want to marry Arab girls and non-Arab girls at once!
I’ll marry 4 wives. Four wives from many backgrounds. When I get bored
with one of them, I’ll divorce her and get another new one.
@nabeela
So Nabeela, would you be one of my wives? I’ll give you all kinds of treasure you want. Coz I’m so rich and I’m arab. :money:
@Prince Vlad of Arabia
Who the hell are you, and why the hell are you writing trash on my website? Do you want me to ban you?
@Charlie Hayse
I agree with you. Parents usually know what is best for their children. We go by the saying… ‘You can try enforce anything on anyone; one thing you cannot enforce is marriage or love against someone else’s own will’
@nabeela
I am not showing disrespect towards your views or decision as this is your choice. But generally speaking, the Arab world been through a dramatic paradigm shift since the late 20th century until now. Arab guys (I hope I’m not stereotyping) have changed many do not understand the real meaning of love… take a look at the increasing divorce rate in the Arab world… I agree it with you it won’t be as bad as the western world… But generally speaking, the changes in the Arab have become dramatic… as Arab girls… it has become MORE difficult to live up to or meet the increasing demands of Arab men. I am not stereotyping Arab men… I’m just speaking from what I have seen. Salamz… Wa InshAllah itshoofeen Al-5eer. P.S. I hope not offending you… merely my opinion.
@Incandescent Chimera
cool
@ Incandescent Chimera
What are the increasing demands of Arab men? I’m curious to know?
Also, is it true that Arabs believe themselves superior to Blacks and Asians? Are Arabs colorstruck? Who’s more likely to marry outside their race: Arab men or Arab women?
@collegegirl
Again, I’m not stereotyping or generalising because there is good and bad in everybody. A lot of Arabic talk shows state ‘Arab men have become more demanding sexually’… The concept of marriage has changed due to the impacts of pornography on the minds of some of the youth. Arab women are generally shy and refuse to be involved in such activities even within the marriage. They of course have rights to go to court or inform their parents… but as it ‘culturally’ shameful for them, quite a number keep quiet about it. On the other hand, some Arab women have become demanding towards their men… I’m not sure how to specify in which sense. Any Arab guys wanna help me out here?!?
With regards to ‘inferiority complexes of other ethnic groups’ (Africans and Asians) it is still prevalent among some families. But again its going back to the Marxism theory of class. I know of Arabs (in my region… who look down on Asians/Blacks simply because of looks) I wouldn’t say Arabs are colorstuck… because that is merely a stereotype. But some narrow-minded families are very picky… I mean Arabs come from different tribes and communities… but sadly some look down on other Arabs (because of their dialect, skin/hair/eye colour). It depends on the family’s level of open-mindedness, knowledge.
I’d say Arab men are more likely to marry outside of their race/ethnic group, but this risk comes at the expense of the Arabic language, traditional customs and beliefs… though I have known many Arab men who have are very happy with their interracial marriages with children who have managed to maintain two cultures quite well. Arab women are a bit less likely to have interracial marriages because of the nature of the conservative culture they are restricted to. Due to the changes in demographics and immigration to Western societies some Arabs have become open to change and a new mentality. It all comes down to the person
@maarten
I meant friends and acquaintances.
@nabeela
honey, I’m not against the both marriages everybody is free. You are free to marry whatever you want cus it’s your life and your choices. I do understand my religion hamdolillah and I definitely can distinguish between what’s halal and haram…and i guess that the point that we are talking about has nothing to do with religion as much with traditions. i didnt say non muslim!! i said non arab but of course shoud be muslim. Honey westerner is very big word to call some1 you dont know with. In fact, I know that I’m less arabian than you cus you know that the origin of Moroccan ppl is not arabian and we dont share a real history with Arabic world,but i speak arabic and of course proud of this beautiful language…My philosophy is ” i dont have to stick from A to Z to my parents mood of life, i like to be different in positive way without touching the basics of my culture”, which means i dont have to marry in early age like the most arab girls do, i dont have to marry someone is choosen for me, i dont have to think of marriage as sulotion of my life, and i dont have to believe that my life is depending on man as our traditions state… i believe in creativity and ambition that can make a woman more than just an ordonary housewife and as you know the most of arabic mean who (i try not to generelize) want a housewife and not successful woman in both sections, home and outside home… that what i blame traditions about…
@nabeela
by “traditional” arab girl you mean a girl who cares about the flawed traditions over the religious recommendations?
@Mohammad Hussein
Still, i dont know anybody who has been to a prostitute. I heard about one guy who was a acquiantance of a friend of mine, but i dont know that guy at all.
@nabeela
You mean the translated hadith is giving out the wrong meaning?
@ Incandescent Chimera
You mean superiority complex among Arabs not inferiority complex. Marx’s theory of class has nothing to do with race. Because race doesn’t correlate with class. Sure some ethnic groups are disadvantaged and other’s may be richer NOW but it’s not automatic. You can always go back to a time period with the (currently) disadvantaged group was powerful and the (currently) richer group was poorer. Don’t take for granted how things are now.
abdullah,
here’s the right version:
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper”.
It is true that there are some flaws in are culture, but there’s the good as well right? So by traditional arab girl, I have taken a good in the arab cultural and there’s lots of it and left the bad. Of course religion comes first. I dont know why you just assumed that i take culture over religion……never assume
@hajar benlahmar
by marrying a non-arab you’ll be free from misery and by marrying an arab your life is going to be hell…..I see what you meen.
“My philosophy is †i dont have to stick from A to Z to my parents mood of life, i like to be different in positive way without touching the basics of my cultureâ€, which means i dont have to marry in early age like the most arab girls do, i dont have to marry someone is choosen for me, i dont have to think of marriage as sulotion of my life, and i dont have to believe that my life is depending on man as our traditions state… i believe in creativity and ambition that can make a woman more than just an ordonary housewife and as you know the most of arabic mean who (i try not to generelize) want a housewife and not successful woman in both sections, home and outside home… that what i blame traditions about…”
ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GET THIS WITH AN ARAB GUY?????
Good luck
@collegegirl
Oh right Ok. I’m Iraqi and the Marxist theory of class applies strongly in my family and those among my mum’s neighbourhood whether they’re Muslim or Christian. For instance An Assyrian will be looked down upon by an Armenian… Armenians who are Christian see themselves as superior to other groups of Christians in our country. Some Shia/Sunni only marry among themselves and within their communities. I’m not sure if this still applies now. Though tribalism does not exist in our country usually us the White Arabs marry Whites, Darker skinned (from the Afro-Arab tribes) marry among themselves. I suppose some people got over this, while it doesn’t matter much for others (I think its kind of stupid though). My parents are both whites, but one of my grandparents is darker so I am slightly tanned. Some of my cousins are darker as well.. we’re looked down upon by the other parents because of our skin colour. One of my cousins was born white, with light coloured hair and blue eyes (striking no resemblance to her parents) and she’s favoured over us. Ahh the horrors of some people’s expectations are really messed up!!!
It looks like you have a mixture in your heritage (European?) but what about Saudis and Bedouins? They’re “dark” and I’m sure it’s not because they have African in them. Are they called White Arabs? When I think of Arabs I don’t think of pale people.
The picture with this post reminds me of a Jewish wedding. Does their dancing look familiar to anyone? I thought Muslims don’t dance.
@collegegirl
Don’t stereotype an entire religion and culture. This is a picture of an Arab wedding. And I never said it was a Muslim wedding. Maybe it is Christian. Have you ever heard of Christian Arabs? Anyways, things changed a lot, and many “Muslim” weddings have dancing. It’s normal now a days.
“don’t stereotype an entire religion and culture.”
Mona,
I didn’t mean to. I’ve been told by Muslims that they don’t dance. But thanks for clarifying albeit a little too defensively.
@collegegirl
Mona is right. Weddings are different for every family. Due to modernisation and the influence of Western culture some of our weddings have changed. i.e. We used to have a separate ceremony for men and women with 90% (of the time) dancing with loud music and good food. For others they have moved towards mixed weddings (both men and women). Again it depends on the family, you can’t generalise. Some of the Arab-Muslim weddings I have attended are mixed with 90% of the time constant dancing (I personally don’t dance much so this kind of wedding doesn’t appeal to me) but for others its the best it can get.
We had many civilisations during the pre-Islamic era in which different ethnic groups settled down in our country Iraq and the Sham region(Palestine, Syria, Jordan & Lebanon)as well so they’re generally fairer in skin colour… no they’re not referred to as ‘white Arabs’ just fairer in skin tone. As for Bedouins I’m not sure why they are dark… but you will find in the African continent in countries such as Somalia, Djibouti & Mauritania some people fluent Arabic and are of their Arabian origin (usually Yemeni/Omani). They communicate well with us because we’re taught Islam doesn’t discriminate against any race, religion or colour. Inevitably ignorance is there in every society or community. Some people are still not get past that sadly
@collegegirl
I don’t mean it to be personal or anything though.
I am a pretty defensive person.. Get used to me!
@collegegirl
In my case I’m not of European origin. My roots (from many centuries ago) are from Turkey & Syria with a little bit of Turkmenian (which I suppose you can call Euro-Asian) origin. Other than that I’m 85% Arab.
@Mona
i hate this topic caz it shoulden be a topic but at the same time i love it 2 lol i keep coming back 2 see what people r saying p.s its yr best 1 yet(post) :up: