This is going to be a long ranting post. So read on if you enjoy such a thing. I do. I love ranting. I feel that I can get everything out of my system and for the whole world to read!! And I honestly don’t care who reads it. What do I gain or lose if they read it? Nothing.
So, I am sick of looking for work. I am sick of going to interviews and trying to sell my self. I feel so violated. Selling my self? Sounds so wrong. Not only that, I have to fabricate a bunch of stories about my past and how awesome my work was and the things I did. Why lie? Why? Who am I kidden? My self? People? Don’t employers know that if you lie, you will get caught sooner or later? Like they can tell you know shit!
Actually, some companies are smart and will figure out if you know shit from the first interview. Some smart companies give you a test. I got some of those tests before, and oh boy! It felt like I was taking the final exam of all exams and was worth 100% of my overall final mark! Wow! It is scary. I start sweating and praying to the almighty Lord, and for those atheists, I am sorry, I believe in God. I have to. It makes sense to little me who needs to have a little bit of faith in life just to survive and sleep at night.
So interviews suck, and I know my luck. There is never hope. Getting a job now a days, in such a messed up world with unstable economy, is like winning the lottery. And I am known to be an unlucky person in everything that goes on in my life. So all I do is rant rant rant. And for those that know me and follow my blog, really really really hate me complaining about work. A reader of my site named Oussama commented on my Mundane is the Name from last week’s post where I complained that I am toast! No one will hire me and I have no motivation to do so! He bluntly told me that I should stop wasting companies time if I have no intention in doing well or caring about looking for work. I agree. I cannot do well, and I so can’t look for work. So I stopped looking for work. I did Oussama and everyone else a favour. Happy people?
Why look for work? Start my own business!
Sure, I can start my own business, but you see, I sat at home for many months contemplating if this is the lifestyle that I want. Do I want to be a web entrepreneur full time and venture into the unknown? So I tried. I wrote down ideas! I wrote down many ideas and possibilities! However, I lacked motivation. I needed someone to tell me, do it. Do it now! Do it dammit! MONA START WORKING! What are you waiting for Mona? Are you waiting for all the money in the bank to deplete? Are you waiting for a miracle from God and money to start pouring down like rain?
What are you waiting for Mona? You cannot start a business or anything! You need motivation!
So, who is willing to motivate me? You see, the problem is that I lack faith in my self. I don’t know why or how that happened. I was never like this. I think I started losing faith in my self every time I got rejected from a company after an interview. And believe me, I went to a lot of interviews. Obviously, my resume rocks and I stand out. That was never a problem. My problem was that I couldn’t put all my thoughts in one place, and since I am a 100% introverted person, being interviewed by more than one person scared the hell out of me. I would always feel my heart racing, the palm of my hands start sweating like crazy, and I start forgetting my name. And oh my name. MONA IS SUCH AN EASY NAME TO FORGET!
So I stopped looking for work. I don’t want to ever go to an interview again and feel like I am having a heart attack while trying to sell whatever skills I have. I think I have skills. I think I am smart. However, do they know that? Do they believe that? Who will believe it when my heart is racing so fast and I am about to have an anxiety attack?
Many people told me that the only way, especially in this city of mine, is to network. You must know many people Mona. You need to network and keep friendships with people that will help you get a job in the future. Sure!! I thought about it. I really did. However, I feel like a two faced suck up who only wants to make friends with you just so you can help me out! It’s like you owe me something in return of a fake friendship. I don’t want anyone to owe me anything or me owing them anything! I don’t want to get a job knowing that someone else had a hand in it. I feel like I owe them that for life! That’s not me. I can’t do it.
You see, the only thing I didn’t lose so far in life is knowing that I can do it. I think I can do it on my own. Why not? What’s wrong with me? Other then being a very introverted person who has been lacking faith in her self? Well, only because I kept getting rejected! I hate being rejected! Getting rejected sucks ass! It’s the worse feeling on earth, and that’s why I stopped going to interviews or looking for work. I hate rejection! But, I hate feeling that I can only get a job because I know people that know other people! What is this, a job market or mafia?
My people will call their people and will try to hook you up by at least getting you an interview. ??????
I can GET AN INTERVIEW by my self dammit! I don’t need that! I revamped my resume and it rocks! It is the best looking resume ever! Straight forward and to the point! This is me! Like it or not! I will go to an interview if you believe in me! Not because someone else told you that she can do it! Don’t put this idea in my head that the only way to find work now a day is through networking. I am a social networker! Look at me! I have a blog! I have hundreds of Facebook friends! I have several hundreds and even over a thousand Twitter friends! I can social network. I can talk to people who know people. However, is that what I want? To use them to find me a job!? I want good friends in my life, and be happy. Not to use them!
Mona, YOU CAN GET A JOB without any help! That’s what I keep telling my self. That’s the only faith I have left in my self. That’s what kept me going, but I gave up today. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t look for work anymore. I am tired of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone knows? What can I do anymore!!
So, I wrote this post 3 days ago, and people are wondering and waiting. They are wondering what I am talking about. Maybe I was talking about work. Maybe they are waiting for that final decision in my life that I will make. And yes, it was that I will stop going to interviews cuz I am sick and tired of them. I am sick of looking for work. It’s a tiring process that exhausts your well being. I cannot do it anymore. I am exhausted.
I wrote this,
I really wanted to write a very smart, clever, and sophisticated blog post today. However, due to unruly circumstances that are beyond my control, I was only allowed to write two sentences today.
Then I decided to cheat and add two more!
Some people wondered. Some people are waiting, and one person named Tekkaus asked me to add two more sentences to complete the thought by saying:
Clever with wordsâ€¦.but too bad we have to wait huh! Perhaps more than 2 sentences in your next post? :p ….
So, I will finally do him and the rest of you a favour and add two more sentences to relieve everyone, and I promise this is going to be it. No more ranting about looking for work, because I gave up. I really did.
Here it goes. Two more sentences:
I got hired today.
I will start tomorrow morning.