The giver and taker
Every day, I wonder about the people that I have met in my life. I feel that everyone I ever met served some type of purpose to help me grow as a person. Unfortunately, no one understood me or accepted me for who I am, but I am only talking about people I generally met through life. What about people that I considered friends?
Having a steady friendship with anyone is a big time chore now a days. I don’t know why either! I feel that I have to sacrifice who I am, or change my personality to adjust to theirs. It’s like I need to do something on my part to satisfy them and keep them in touch with me on a regular basis. If I don’t do something, they won’t do anything on their end either.
The problem with me I am a giver. I like to give, but I hardly ever ask for anything in return. I don’t mean it in a material sense, but like saying hello, how you are, and that’s it. I don’t ask for anything. I just believe that all the friendships I ever had were based on using me. I am only remembered by people when they need something.
I think that is another main reason why I kept this blog alive. On a daily basis, I feel that I am alone. I am always alone, and I can’t seem to find people to accept me for who I am or even remember me. So I made this blog to see if someone out there cares. Do people out there care to read my thoughts and see what I am thinking? Do they want to talk to me and get to know me for who I am? Are my thoughts messed up and I am the one with problems, or I just can’t understand people?
I don’t need to change who I am on the internet for people to accept me. That’s why I keep this up.
However, why do I need to in real life? I think I just met all the wrong people in my life, or maybe I accept everyone for who they are, but not everyone is like me. That’s the problem, not everyone is like me, and I cannot find many people who will understand people like me.
If I had to analyze my personality in depth, I would say that I am too honest, very accepting of others, very reserved, and likes to give and not take.
Unfortunately, analyzing myself is not going to help me in life. All I can do is learn about others, grow as a person from meeting so many different people with eccentric personalities, and live my life knowing that there are people out there that maybe like me for who I am. I have not met them yet, but I am hopeful. And maybe they want to actually be friends with me, and not expect me to do everything their way, only think their way, and to have the same exact interests as them.
We are all different, but some of us are rare individuals that need a bit more understanding of why we think and do the things we do.
Blah Blah, Depressed, Featured, Random Thoughts, They said what?
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I like reading your blog because you are funny, intelligent, and you have great thoughts that for some reason echo mine. (so i may be a little partial). I think we’d be great friends, and I would never think to expect you to change who you are. I already like the little i know of you and I think you probably don’t give yourself enough credit for the great following you have. You my dear, would be a great friend to have. (Bonus, you’re a capricorn too
And I’m open to arguing with you if it makes you feel better!
Bring it! I am always open for good intelligent arguments.
Friends should accept each other for what they are. They should find the areas where they agree and enjoy and celebrate the areas where they diverge. If friends were all alike it would be a dull world.
@Oussama
Unfortunately, some think that others have to be like them in order to enjoy their company more. Maybe they have a hard time with the differences and don’t want to accept others for who they are. Too much for them to comprehend.
@Mona
I think you are right and it is a sad thing that people are like this. I don’t want someone who only shares my likes and dislikes. I want someone who introduces me to new things so our friendship grows.
do not always give sometimes you have to ask or to take. it shows you care and appreciate yourself and that’s how people will treat you.
but don’t forget to give, to show you care to people.
It must be something about us Capricorns that make people use us or something. But I like to think of it that we have very high standards when it comes to our freinds
But habeebti you are being too harsh on yourself.
Never ever change who you are. And remember even if you do give with nothing in return, you do so because you are a good person and if anything I believe you do it for a higher power (God/Allah)Those who don’t accept you are not your freinds.
Well true friendships are about people giving and taking. They’re never about simply taking or knowing someone when you need something. Unfortunately, I feel the same away sadly. But I reckon, the blessing you get out of been a good person you makes you happy ultimately. You are a good person, Mona and many of us, take pleasure knowing you (via Internet World) and also for those of the other in real life. You have many friends and people who love you out there!
Mona, to be honest it sounds like you’ve known too many superficial people in your life. We have a lot of people like that in Southern California so I know the type well! People like that are fine to hang around with when you’re only interested in socializing but that’s about all you can count on them for, because it’s all they are interested in. There are people out there who are different and you’ll meet em sooner or later I’m sure! Keep your eyes open for the “weird” ones mebbe
Mona I LOVE YOU =) ((and youre blog
))
But think of it this way I mean youre 28, you have a blog which people read regularly, you have youre own job, youre educated, you dont smoke, drink, youre not a slut, there are a lot of people who obviously identify with what you say, be proud and have a lot more confidence.
However, maybe youre just being too nice. There are a lot of Bitches in this world, unfortunately, and you need to be aware of that all the time. Even in the arab/muslim community. How many arab/muslim girls have you met that are spoilt, annoying, 5 kilos of makeup, musalsalat loving, insecure and jealous, have nothing to say of value? Loads! So there you go hold youre head up high because youve managed to escape all those negative qualities, quite an achievement!
@ mais
what is Musulsalat?
@ Mona – I’m sure you will meet true friends who will stick by your. Some of my closest friends and me completely disagree with each others lifestyles etc but we stand each other thru thick and thin. I guess its hard to find real friends sometimes when you are stuck in between a culture gap. i find this issue myself at times and find a i get along with “different races” easier than my own because they judge less but also find sometimes other races dont understand the small things of my culture. And in all of this it ends up with some kind of lost in translation thing.
I guess the main thing is to find people around you who truly love and care for you even if they disagree with what you believe or what you are doing.
I’m sure the friends made in a mature stage are probably the wiser ones. Sometimes we make friends in school etc and it fizzles out as we grow up different and dont have pop bands in common anymore or hello kitty.
I wish you Happy friendships. Dont ever change who you are – this world needs refreshing honest and frank people like yourself.
btw…ever since msn prompted me to install their new msn messenger and i did…it hasnt worked. i sign in and then it does its waiting thing and goes back to the sign in screen, dunno why…i tried installing again…no work…kinda frustrated.
thought i’d tell u why i dissapeared….
I agree!
@Incandescent Chimera
Thank you!
I LOVE YOU TOO MAIS!
@Mahsa
I agree. I feel that true friendships are found at a more mature age when not so many things are going on in our lives with school and stuff. Now at our age we can focus on what we really want in life.
@tutu
Ok.. well, this post was a general post. I wasn’t talking about you Lisa. Your disappearance act was something I got used to from people. So I wasn’t looking for a reason why.
Mahsa musalsalat is the arabic tv shows (mostly egyptian and syrian sometimes khaleeji) that focus on three topics ; ”alzawag” (marriage) ”alshu’ua” (flat/house) ”alfilooos” (money). They also have distinct features like the excessive plastic surgery, (these women are all going to get their noses/facelifts/lips at the same surgeon), the extreme gender roles, ie the man is very excessively masculine, the woman is excessively feminine.. =)
ok well regardless…i need msn working…any ideas?
I think you just had bad luck w/ friends. Perhaps that has made you more guarded to not let new people in your life. Perhaps some new people could be good for you. Who knows.
I had some good friendships that I am only realizing now. I also had some bad ones. I do have some really great friends now who are generous and they accept me for who I am.
You sound like you know enough about what you want to start a good friendship. I’m positive that a few close women friends in the London area would do wonders.
firends r not chores lol or at least they shoulden be friends (real friends)except u how u r n except everything if not there not real friends i like 2 think we r friends not best of friends caz i dont know ya good enuf 4 that lol but u seem pretty cool mona its a cold n loney out there without friends salams
@Incandescent Chimera
i belive real friendship is about giving n not looking 4 anything in return u give 2 a friend caz it makes u feel good that u helped him/her n thats the reward
Friends hurt when they don’t stay.
Some friends change us when their hearts sway.
Friends are always nice, and they never decay.
Spend all your money on crap, and watch you true friends drift away.
Mona, You are a true friend because of your heartfelt emotions always surprise me, something you never cease to do.
Like a piano in motion your insightful messages always brighten my day, i should count the ways.
I consider you a friend because you sent me a good book. So add one more to the list chabibi!
Now………what can I do to give back?
@Brian
lol. I don’t want anything.. I am happy that you visit my blog daily and comment. That’s more than what I can ask for.
@Charlie Hayse
I agree. But Indeed, a friend in need is a friend indeed. You gotta love many and trust little, true friends are hard to find.
I agree!!
@Incandescent Chimera thats true
p.s hey u know thats in a song lol (a friend in need is a friend indeed)its a old song by somekind of rock band it gos a friend in need is a friend indeed but a friend with weed is better n a friend dressed in leather is something something i cant rememeber hehe anyways salams
Think about who you are and how you are giving. I wrote a post last year that tends to sum up what I call the three imps– Impressive, Imposing, and Impartive: http://cajoh.blogspot.com/2008/07/three-imps.html. I think that if you focus on being impartive you will find that you impart of yourself and share what you have with others for the pure joy of sharing (not for getting anything in return).
wow, Mona, thats a really powerful post. But I think there a lot more people out there who are like you, than you think. I know what you mean though. I, too, contantly feel like I’m the one giving, I’m the one caring and trying to understand people. I am accepting of everything, even their flaws, but I don’t ever feel like this is reciprocated. I’m the one who always calls, always starts conversations, always asks “how are you”, and hardly ever get it in return. I don’t know if I’m just different from everyone, or if I just care too much…this is something I analyze and think about everyday. So, hey, just to let you know, you’re not alone.