You are my paranoia

Honestly I loveee reading your blog but I get what you mean about the paranoia thing. lol
I also can’t stand it when I don’t know what other ppl are thinking either.
You’re blog is GREAT and I can’t believe that it’s almost been 4 years!!!!

You want honesty– I’ll give you mine. You appear to be a very intelligent and interesting person. I truly like how you can talk about many different topics. I do not read your blog because I want to find out more about your personal life, but rather I read because I like your perspectives on life.

Whereas most people become paranoid that everybody is looking at them, mine is completely opposite– that nobody is paying any attention. Perhaps people behave differently based upon what kind of paranoia they have. I just hope that you can continue to post and not end your writing because you are afraid that you are not satisfied with what you post.

Do not let others dictate what or how you write. You need to write for yourself. If you have to stop writing because it no longer suits your needs I hope that you will let us know why you stop so that we are not paranoid wondering why the posts just ended.

Thank you for adding a bit to the world in which you live.

The mind can be a chaotic black hole, an infinite point of focus for the whole of the stars to give in to. A mind is a precious object to waste time on worrying, and I am aware that advice isn’t something you much like to receive, but you give and give chabibi, you deserve the words that are coming from me.
So…….so what?…….Sew Love
Train your mind to calm down and think of something else, like when I see a cute women, instead of thinking about what she might be thinking of me, as opposed to thinking about what I could be doing with her, I focus on the woman of my dreams, and I put all my thoughts on her.
I used to be paranoid for many reasons, and when I focused on the cause of my paranoia all it did was destroy me. If you place your thoughts on invoking the name and blessings of Allah, then the love of Allah will, in all due respects, shine down on you and your anxiety and questions for that person will be answered by Allah for you without you giving any effort.
Allazi yuwaswisu fi suduurin nasi
If I may be so forward, please keep up the blog it gives much insight and I love hearing about your ever so exciting life. Doesn’t it help to just vent to the wall sometimes? No? Of course cus its a wall silly. So vent to us….

Reading this paragraph was unnerving. I don’t like reading my thoughts on paper.
“Lately, my paranoia shifted into only one direction … … … Or are they waiting for my downfall?”

I think it might be due to having to adjust to a new environment and meeting more and new people than you may be used to coz of the new job – i’m a new employee myself. It’s probably the fear of change that’s exacerbating the paranoia. If I’m right then this phase will pass and we’ll be back to the regular old paranoia.

Mona, I’m confused about who you are “paranoid” about? Do you mean people you know in real life? People you know in real life who read your blog? Or the rest of us you don’t know in real life who read your blog?

@Attitude Adjuster

I think it might be due to having to adjust to a new environment and meeting more and new people than you may be used to coz of the new job – i’m a new employee myself.

I totally agree with you there… a major change in environment can do that to a person. My dad always used to tell me “keep your head down” whenever I started a new job, and I didn’t really understand what he meant until I started at one company! I discovered they videotaped the interviews, and from there I started imagining all kinds of stuff! It didn’t help much that this company did actually monitor the emails and phone calls of developers! It took me about a year before I stopped wondering how many hidden cameras were in my office lol.

@Mona

OK, thanks for clarifying. Sorry I didn’t understand it properly from the post

Since this post doesn’t have anything to do with “the watchers” I won’t comment any further.

Well mona, When we want to know what you are doing, its because you have told us everything you have been doing so far, naturally we would want to know more. If you closed down your site, it would really be a darn shame. Because I would always wonder what has happened in your life. Have you been married yet, did you move away. I don’t know It’s like we live around you and know what your doing. LOL to the point where one day I was studying and I thought ” I bet mona is at work right now” Yes you do have semi-stalker You have that sorta affect on your readers . I don’t care if what you post/posted was rude or not. The truth hurts, and your brutally honest something we both have in common. But to message you after closing down this sight? I think it would be to weird because lol an honest opinion you seem kinda mean and scary. I would think you’re probably analyzing and making fun of what I said. I think your blog has reached a state of no return, Imagine a new reader who has started reading your stuff like 2 weeks before you shut it down, Thats devistating! I still go back to read some of your posts. In my opinion some your old posts are better then your new ones. Especially the ones about arabs those interest the hell outta me. One last thing out of all the dates to choose why dec 23 ?

u r a control freak lol just joking

Our perceptions of ourselves are often far different from how others perceive us. Let’s face it, we have the benefit of knowing our own story completely. All the experiences, thoughts and emotions that make up that story. I’ve often found it easier to help people get to know and understand me by relating thoughts or past stories in a written form. I find it is easier to communicate to others certain feelings, thoughts and experiences without distraction and in a way that makes some sense. It also gives some frame of reference for people to recall. When I write things out, I have a captive audience. Even if it is an email to a group of people, each one reads it seperately and so it is as if I am speaking directly to them with no distractions or interuptions. If I tried to do the same verbally, off the top of my head, it wouldn’t be the same.

It works the same for me when reading other peoples words. I almost always have to go back and read your posts several times to be sure I understand what you are saying. That’s not to say that your writing is poor but because I know I didn’t process everything the first time. I’ve found that whether it is me writing or someone else, that form of communication tends to allow myself or others to talk more freely face to face. By giving a little of something personal, trust is developed and so little by little more comes out and our perceptions of each other change. It may be that if those you deal with in the “real” world read your blog they may relate to you more than you expect.

If you ended this blog, your life would not go back to the way it used to be. That was four years ago and you are a different person. Maybe not on the outside, perhaps in more subtle ways, but you have changed. You have grown. This blog is yours and so ultimately what to do is your decision. Perhaps it has run it’s course, served it’s purpose in your life and now it is time to move on. I have enjoyed reading your posts for the brief time I have followed you. The amount of times you have written something that was on my mind that same day is almost spooky. But things happen for a reason and I’m sure there was a reason for those times. If you decide to shut this blog down then best of luck with whatever you do. You will be missed.

I don’t know about the other watchers but I, for one, started reading your blog after you had quit your job.

I watched the transition from unemployment to depression about unemployment and back to employment. It’s like “3ishra” in some sort of virtual way, even if I believe written human emotions cannot be altered by the virtuality of the medium

Now, it’s I who quit his job! So, I don’t know if it’s reading your blog that has inspired me

@Mona I do have a good reason: a Boss-hole. Some employers seem unable to handle their employee’s competence, which is stupid because it brings in more clients and more money. Oh well, his loss Thank you, Mona!