I look here. I look there. I look everywhere!
They say opposites attract, or compliment each other, or whatever trashy idea someone came up with to make people get along with each other no matter what. I disagree completely. I am not talking about some guy here. Don’t let that mind of yours wander into La La Land. On the contrary, I am talking about the essence of my utter daily confusion and anger. The thorn in my heart that I love to death, but keeps poking me without remorse, and keeps my blood boiling too.
I am obviously talking about my one and only MOTHER!
Lately, I have been driving her insane by only speaking to her in English, and always addressing her with “mother.” Hello mother. Hi mother. Mother! It really pisses her off, because I give it a touch of annoyance when I empathize on the R in motheRRRR!
It’s quite entertaining to watch and hear. I assure you!
So, what did my mother do that was any different than yesterday or last week or the past decade? Maybe I should describe what kind of person I am, and point out the major annoyances that I have with my mother.
I am a very organized individual. I like to keep everything in place, organize it to be easily found by anyone, and to be very visible to the naked eye. I like things to be categorized, labeled, and tucked away in place. I am an extremely organized individual, because I like to find things when I need them. I find time to be too precious to be wasted looking for a pin in a hay stack. Hence, that is when the opposite forces between my mother and I end with a scream!
An often conversation you would hear at our house is the following:
Me screaming, “MOM! Where is so and so at? Where did you put it!”
Mother answering, “Upstairs!”
Me saying with a more angry tone, “I know upstairs! WHERE?”
Mother screaming back because I was a maniac horrible daughter, “In the drawer!!”
Me screaming back on the top of my lunges, “Which drawer!!!”
Mother screaming with disappointment in her voice, “The drawer upstairs! Wasn’t I clear the first time? Don’t you understand!”
Oh my God, that’s when my veins start popping from my head, and my teeth grinding uncontrollably. So, I end up wasting my time searching, and searching, and oh, more searching! Did I mention searching?
Since I am a total geek and had to describe my mother in computer lingo, then I would do it this way:
My mother badly designs one database, which supposedly should be different ones, with no primary keys with auto incrementation, and with no foreign keys. She queries her database without using any loops, but by using hard coded query strings to match case her data when retrieving it. Or on many days, she would rather query the whole database with every item in it in every table, because it is much easier to do than pick one table or inner join with another one or two!
If I had to hire my mother as a database programmer, I would be forced to fire her within twenty minutes. However, since I have a little soft spot in my heart, I will accept her wrong ways of storing and finding anything, and try to find it my self. Even if doing that will waste my time redoing the whole thing! Hence, in this case, reorganize drawers, closets, rooms, and even the whole house!
Unfortunately, my mother has spread the disorganized bad habit onto my sister. Maybe my sister will learn this thing called organization on her own, because I ain’t helping her y’all! That brat is on her own!
Angry, Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!
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I looove FouseyTube!! All of his videos are... 
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
OMG, I laughed too hard on that one. Great post.
I am glad you guys found the humor in it!
At least there’s never a dull moment with your parents. LOL.
this has nothing 2 do with this post but mona why cant i get my picture on here ?? i went in2 the gravater thing n added 2 my msn donotreply@gravatar.com but still nothing lol this was a couple of weeks ago i done this
p.s the post is funny lol sounds like a normal household
This post has been the highlight of my otherwise crappy week. Thank you
Time is certainly not too precious to search for a diamond in the rough.
Mona I could not STOP LAUGHING when I read this post. Your poor mama, I wonder if she’ll read this post =P
@Brian
Salamu 3alaikum,
Your comments are always deep, are you into poetry? I love Arabic poetry, I know I few by heart.
@Mona
I didn’t find this post funny, I feel what Mona feels. My mother is the same exact thing as Mona’s mom.
“a few by heart”
I hope the number of tables in her schema is limited to the number of drawers in your house.
lol sounds like my family. Everyone screaming at the top of their lungs.
It must be something innate.
@Charlie Hayse
Umm.. I am not sure what you did. All you have to do is sign up with the email that you use to always comment with on my site on gravatar.com. There, you upload your photo and that’s it. It should work right away.
@Mahsa
Good!!
@plin
I don’t think so.. lol Not that sophisticated in her part! lol
@Mais
She doesn’t know about this site, and if she did, she wouldn’t care to read it!
@Dena B
loooooool!!! screaming is an Arab thing, even when we just talk normal we’re loud.
@mohamed
I agree.. it is an Arab thing. I start screaming or raising my voice uncontrollably because someone else is anyways.
@mohamed
Walaikum wasalaam ekh!
the date palm has dew that turns into honey overnight
I’m still very new to arabic but learning is a slow process for any brilliant mind.
@Brian
Bro, thats amazing mash’Allah keep it up!! Once you learn Arabic you’ll know how beautyful this language is. Reading the Koran in english and reading it in Arabic is between night and day. Never give up bro, I know Arabic is hard, but insh’Allah you’ll learn it, God bless you.
@mohamed
Shukran! Allah yubarak fikum.
@mohamed
Yeah that and the hand gestures.
And how many of us have had the shibshib thrown at us as youngsters? I swear my mom could hit us blindfolded from 5 miles away.
God bless family!
@Dena B.
loooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!! You almost gave me a heart attack from laughter, you remind me of the old days. Ya I got the shibshib thrown at me as well, not only that, but also a tennis racquet…lool!!! So tell me Dena you have kids right? If so are, you planning on keeping the tradition going? loool!!
I went through the same thing with my mother…..
And my sister went through the same thing…
and then she became a mother and did the same things our mother did….
it must be something in the water…
I know exactly how you feel.. Most common utterances of my mother translated into english:
go get the ‘thing’ from the thing,
bring me a ‘thing’ from the kitchen.
where did you put that ‘thing’?
I’m surprised Arab can’t mind read because of their mothers.
I openly call my mother, Momma Mashakel. She hates it. I love it.
@mohamed
I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I would hate to have to resort to shibshib throwing but it all depends on their behavior.
Tennis racket? dangggg….
My kids are still too young
But I’ve perfected the screaming at my 4 year old.
@Dena B
Good!!! I’m glad you’re keeping the tradition going, we must not forget who we are….looool!!!
I tend to think that personality types are passed from Father to Daughter, Mother to Son. I am a lot like my mother and my sister is a lot like my father. My guess is that you get along much better with your father who may think and act more like you.
I do like your programming reference. I think many of us tend to find that scenario when trying to talk to someone who keeps coming back to the same misguided logic.
Thanks for sharing,
LOVE it and I do that with my mother also…and with her being Puerto Rican….man….she can really let it fly. :^)