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How will you ever know?

When you are with someone, but all the time you are fantasizing about someone else or even an imaginative person, then do you really care about this person you are with? Is he/she the one?

So, how do you know? When do you know? Is this normal? Because usually if you are into someone, you don’t think about anyone else, or so I was told. Anyways, don’t get your heads too caught up in this, because I have decided that I don’t want to be with someone. I just find it hard to relate to anyone anymore. Or I am just old and picky. I was never picky when I was 20. I was dumb when I was 20 and accepted any one.

Can you imagine if you are 20, accepted anyone, and got married? Hell, divorce, divorce and a herd of badly raised children!


[Photo Source]

I keep reassuring my self that people like me will end in divorces. I should just have fun in life and not worry about any commitments. Also, I am not a kid person. I can never imagine my self raising another human being. I can barely take care of my self. I don’t even do my own laundry. Uff!

I decided that I need to save up enough money, so when I am old, alone and commanding my online empire, then I can hire a live in maid.

By the way, I was watching some movie or show last week that I can’t remember, and it was discussing how tough women only appear on the outside, but they are afraid of commitments or having someone in their lives again. Therefore, they brush off everyone. Those damn shrinks! They know it all, and TV gave me that information for free! I saved a hefty some of money for that live in maid fund!

Blaaah.. I am down on my 4th mug of coffee today. You guys are lucky this is not a 1 or 2 am post. Those are always the scariest nonsense posts of all!

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34 Comments

  • So often people try to get a perfect match. What I find is that people tend to have many facets in their lives and having one person who will match every facet is just not possible.

    I also heard on TV that most people tend to lose interest in someone after three months. This is a biological response and not a psychological response.

    When you were 20 you probably had low standards. Now you have higher standards. Not sure what your morality is– but sometimes those with both high morals and high standards can never find anyone.

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  • Hey mona, Nice post.

    When you look deep deep deep down in youre heart and soul, do you think a man can make you happy? Like if you got married and had a family, had children, and had commitment, youre heart would be rested?

    Or do you think you are looking for something else?

    Im really interested to know. =)

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  • @Mais
    Good question.. I don’t know the answer.. or maybe that is the real question that I ask my self every day but I don’t know that I am. Hmm.. let me think about that one.. you made my brain think! Oh Mais.. not after work! :roll:

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  • =D youre welcomeee

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  • How will you ever know? Don’t break your head over this, when time comes then you’ll know.:smile:Also any big step in life we take, we pray salat al-istikharah.

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  • @mohamed
    I always wondered… are you really that religious… or just throw a bunch of Islamic wisdom on me because you think I am a lost soul who needs guidance?

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  • i think 4 a guy when u cant even look at another girl thats when u know shes the 1

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  • also u will belive that there is no 1 else better then her u will do anything 4 her if u had 2 n u could u would take out yr heart n give it 2 her n u will never want 2 be without her n u will always miss her no matter how long u r apart i dont want 2 sound like a poet or anything caz i am not but i know alot about love caz i am in love n inshallah we will stay in love n if i had 2 die 2 save her i swear 2 allah i would n i would die a happy man this is how i know that i am in love n even this dont even begin 2 explane it

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  • ok last time now i swear lol when u r in love (real love)u will just know it u cant explain it but u will know

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  • charlie

    =) =) you made me smile

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  • @Mona
    la wallahi I dont just throw Islamic wisdom. I try my best to be religious. I never thought for a moment that you need guidance.

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  • @Mais i am happy 2 hear that salams

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  • [...] the rest here: How will you ever know? | Rebellious Arab Girl Share and [...]

  • You’re thought is very normal. And i agree with Charlie, when you find The One, you will know. It’ll be there and it’ll be unexplainable, only you will know. However, it’s also a test of your patience. If you can surpass this tough thought (whether it is love, or success, or boredom), the end result will surprise you and you will be happy that you have waited for this result. Patience is a b!^$#@ but it is also rewarding.

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  • There is no sweeter smile than that of Desire, and there is no more thievish a want than that of a Wish.
    The moon tonight is a half moon, if you share the same sky as I. It is most plausible to go halfway with One. If you just expect the One to go all the way for you, as a slave should no doubt, you will always have want for more and the void in your heart will never be filled. I know you are the type of person to give and give, I have much hope inshallah that you will find that Giver.
    As the moon wanes to a full phase, as noor, you must remember it takes the Sun, as siraj, to make it seen in the eyes of all. :oops:

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  • I almost read this 10 times and I’m just trying to figure out whether you’re one of those that don’t believe in marriage (commitment) but end up married (committed) in 1-2 year/s or less…are you?

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  • @Saifallah I believe that our Rebellious Arab Girl is struggling with if she should pursue being married or not. So often we see those around us getting married and we wonder if that is what we want as well. We live in a less traditional society these days and being single is (hopefully) less frowned upon, but that does not mean that we don’t struggle with making that choice of perusing marriage or not.

    @Mona weather or not you are a lost soul is irrelevant. What I do notice is that you are wondering if being married is worth while and if you will find someone to fit the bill. Something that I found when I was in the same predicament was that I needed to stop worrying about the ideal and start concentrating on myself. Try to perceive how you want to be seen by your partner and then make it happen. Make yourself “be” that person you see and you will then be ready for that commitment when it happens.

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  • I don’t really believe in “soul mates” per se. But yes if you have common factors and really like each other; even if you have differences you will be willing to work it out. Thats when you know its real. The time that you cant be bothered to work it out; or you only do it because of what society will say or out of fear etc, thats when you knows its not real and ur just making do. Thats what I think. No one is perfect; we all have to learn to compromise and get along. marriage is similar to the friendship u have with ur best friend- u get out of it what you put in. The only difference is we tend to treat our friends better than our partners because we let loose more at home.

    Mahsa xxx

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  • [...] How will you ever know? Posted by admin on November 25, 2009 random </…More… [...]

  • Aw Mona, That’s my worst nightmare not being married and not having children. I don’t know how you can cope with it so well. I thought about it one time, and was like what if I’m 26 not married and no children. I paniced. But then I remembered who am I to even think about this, I have no control over anything only Allah decides. I was like ” I better be extra nice to Allah, I dont want to live lonley and die old and bitter” But if you’re heart really wants to have somebody who will be there for you. May Allah will to do so. I’ve mentioned a couple of times. Think about marrying a non-arab. They wont kill you, you know. You say if you want to marry somebody he has to be arab. But if they dont marry anybody younger than 24. Mona either marry a divorced man, or check out another muslim culture. Take it from me THEY ARE ALL THE SAME !!!

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  • @Mona btw mona this is very good post i like this 1 alot
    :cool:

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  • Even if you do get married you could end up divorced, old and bitter. The arab world has a medium rate of divorce. It is not low, AT all! Also, it has polygamy, and cheating, and marrying/divorcing when theyre bored of having sex with the same woman (saudi style!) and all those other things the Western world has. At the end of the day, marriage guarantees you as a woman very limited financial and social security. The main benefit for marriage is it gives children a sense of security (always have to love and protect the children). Getting married at any age, 17 or 70, does not guarantee youre husband will love you/provide forever, or be happy to help with youre emotional wellbeing.

    Some women on here think marriage would solve everything, lol.

    Love, Always, Mais.

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  • Mona, at the hospital where my mother works, her boss is syrian, his name is abdul kareem massadi. Basically, he employs all these female doctors from eastern europe, lithuania, romania, bulgaria, you get what I mean. He married his wife when she was 17 years of age, like the girls you know that you mention. Now this woman has sacrificed her ENTIRE life for him, gave him a regular sex supply, cooked for him, wiped his ass after he took a shit, popped out 6 babies, 4 sons so she gets extra points for them being male (and theyre all doing medicine now, extra extra points!). This guy goes out every night with one of these euros and buys them the most expensive gifts, cars, jewellery, expensive dinners, anything just to get into their pants. Remember this is the money that he has managed to make because his wife has given him that support for 40+ years!

    Now this woman who has basically lived her life being her husbands most trusted hardworking servant gets, after raising her kids, her husband getting excited by some divorced eastern european cougars that want nice dinners and money. That is what I would call unfair. You can do everything right with men and theyll still disrespect you, and what must burn for his wife is that these women are the total opposite of her, selfish and catty.! And this guy is Syrian, hes muslim, he is ”religious” (lol!)

    The moral of the story is, nothing can ever be guaranteed in any male-female relationship and the reason why our families tell teenage girls that theyll get married to an amazing guy is they dont want them whoring around, and also disney tells these things because theyre making trillions of dollars out of selling lies to young children.

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  • @Mais
    thats very sad :cry:

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  • @Mais
    Thats horrible!! This man well “man” is most definitely not religious. Marriage affairs do happen all around the world, whether it’s men or women. Where does the guy live?

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  • United Arab Emirates!

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  • @Mais
    ahh yya….it happens more likely in Dubai

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  • @Saifallah
    I have to correct you. I am not one of those people. If that was true, I would have been married by now, because I had that thought maybe 4 or 5 years ago. You can pretty much say I am in the middle and I can’t think of a positive or negative reasoning for to be in a commitment or not be in one. I find it to be too binding, but at the same time it sounds nice. So I can never decide…

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  • @mohamed
    Hey.. I saw your email.. I am not angry with you.. why would I be? lol I am a very blunt person and I just blurt out what is in my head and I question “everything.” Didn’t you figure that out by now? :P

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  • I don’t think you can. But I’ll tell you what I know: The “one” you love is the person you feel safe around, who understands you and respects you for who you are; marriage is that point where you decide you just don’t love each other anymore. I just hope you’re not writing this after seeing New Moon (now every girl I know wants to marry Jacob Black LOL =D).

    “Can you imagine if you are 20, accepted anyone, and got married?”

    I don’t need to imagine it. When my sister was 20, she married this Arab guy. She was a brilliant A-student going for a degree in optometry. He had a two-year diploma and promised her he’d let her finish her education even after they’d gotten married. Turns out what he meant by diploma was a I-went-for-it-but-I-kept-failing-so-I-gave-up kind of education. Since Arab men don’t like it when their wives are smarter than they are, he ruined her academic future and asked her to stay at home. She’s pretty and delicate like a butterfly; he’s a disgusting man. About 6 foot (nose about 2 feet), his belly was larger than hers on the day she gave birth to her first child (I swear to God), he’s far from gentle, smells weird and burps 5 times a minute. They have two little children: a girl then a boy. He favors the boy. When the kids cry, he pauses the DVR, pushes them to their mom (she’d be busy being a maid) and says “take care of them” and continues to watch TV. Then with the housework AND kids on her ass, the piece of shit asks her to pour him a glass of water when the fucking pitcher is right in front of him on the god damned coffee table.

    But you know what’s funny? After pushing the kids away every time they cry, the motherfucker gets upset if he calls them and they don’t come to him. They never do. They come to me, their loving, caring uncle who plays with them and rocks ‘em to sleep. The asshole would sit the little girl in his lap; she’d run off and cling to my leg. It pisses him off. It makes me happy like sweet, sweet revenge. What’s funny is the little girl looks exactly like her mother when she was her age and the boy looks like his dad. The girl is really smart, smiles a lot and is always energetic and playful just like her mother. She’s sooooo cute (I’ll send you pics if you want!) I wish I could adopt her and teach her how to play piano. The boy, of course, is ALWAYS hungry, and when I play with him, he’d just stare at me eyes wide open like a dumbass. Like father, like son.

    I have a feeling that you’re not totally throwing away the idea of being with someone. It’s more like you just want someone who can understand you, not some asshole to boss you around. And that doesn’t necessarily end in a divorce. You just need to find the right person. Think of it like this:

    Arab guy + obedient girl = happy marriage (for the guy) = no divorce

    Arab guy + thought-capable girl = bad marriage = divorce

    Open-minded guy + thought-capable girl = potentially successful marriage = low chance of divorce

    Nice guy + dominant girl = ?? LOL

    Personally, I am willing to be committed to someone provided they’re the right person. As for marriage, that’s a whole different thing. I’m not ready for kids. Not until I’m done being one myself. I see it like this:

    var couples_married:int = 0;
    var couples_total:int = 0:

    for (i:Couple in the_world) {
    if (the_world[i].married) {
    couples_married++;
    }
    couples_total++;
    }
    if (couples_married == couples_total) {
    Hell.unleash ();
    }

    Marriage (or commitment in general) can be good or bad. You just need to find the right person.
    Sorry if I was too long. I hope that gives you a tiny little bit of insight on your question.

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  • @C.J.
    Your brother in law sounds horrendous! He is the typical Arab male that I cannot stand! How is your sister putting up with that dip shit?

    Secondly, your little code snippet was cute.

    Thirdly, with my work and laziness after work, no guy wants to put up with me. Well, no Arab guy would want to put up with me. Because he wants a home cooked meal the moment he steps in the door. And hello!! That’s when I get home too. Also, I can never be a maid or lower than a man in anything. If you really read into Islam, the woman has to be treated with respect and is never forced to do anything she doesn’t want. As in house work, etc.

    As for me, I work if I want to. It all depends on my mood. And the guy who actually wants me has to be at the same intelligence level as me, very open minded, and treats me as his equal. That’s why I encourage all Arab women to seek education and employment and not have to be a servant to any man.

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  • Well she’s actually my step-sister, and she’s like 3/4 Arab, so I guess it’s part of the brainwashing they get.

    Oh yeah, home cooked meal. And it better not be 0.5 degrees below the standard temperature. I hate that shit. My mom keeps sneaking “healthy vegetables” into my food and when she does I just trash it and eat OUT.

    I can totally understand the whole maid thing. I mean, if I wanted I maid I’ll just freaking hire a maid. But I guess you don’t get a steady sex supply from a maid. I guess you could, but then she wouldn’t be the maid. She’d be the paid. I know Islam respects women, but too bad no one gives a shit about Islam–especially Arabs. It’s all just backward Arabic traditions. That’s why if all Arab women get a education, they’ll never get married, cause no Arab wants to marry a woman like that.

    http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/930/cmdy.jpg =D

    So, what are you gonna do?

    ABORT, RETRY, FAIL? :P

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  • @C.J.
    I’m sorry to hear about your brother-in-law, he’s without any doubt a jackass and a douche bag.

    “I know Islam respects women, but too bad no one gives a shit about Islam–especially Arabs. It’s all just backward Arabic traditions. That’s why if all Arab women get a education, they’ll never get married, cause no Arab wants to marry a woman like that.”

    I understand your anger towards your brother-in-law, but this quote is way too extreme. It’s not true that Arabs don’t care about Islam and it’s not true that Arab men only wanna marry someone who’s not educated. To be honest if I saw your brother-in-law I’d break his face. :vangry:

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  • C.J.. No offense to your sister, the guy she married was all on her own merit! Plus, why would you bring babies into this world with a guy who is like that?

    I am the same age as youre sister when she got married, and I have had extreme continuous criticism from arabs for the past 10+ years but thats not an excuse !. ”he asked her to stay at home” And she just did it? I thought she was smart? ”About 6 foot (nose about 2 feet)” ?!?!! WOW..not gonna even go there!

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