I look here. I look there. I look everywhere!
They say opposites attract, or compliment each other, or whatever trashy idea someone came up with to make people get along with each other no matter what. I disagree completely. I am not talking about some guy here. Don’t let that mind of yours wander into La La Land. On the contrary, I am talking about the essence of my utter daily confusion and anger. The thorn in my heart that I love to death, but keeps poking me without remorse, and keeps my blood boiling too.
I am obviously talking about my one and only MOTHER!
Lately, I have been driving her insane by only speaking to her in English, and always addressing her with “mother.” Hello mother. Hi mother. Mother! It really pisses her off, because I give it a touch of annoyance when I empathize on the R in motheRRRR!
It’s quite entertaining to watch and hear. I assure you!
So, what did my mother do that was any different than yesterday or last week or the past decade? Maybe I should describe what kind of person I am, and point out the major annoyances that I have with my mother.
I am a very organized individual. I like to keep everything in place, organize it to be easily found by anyone, and to be very visible to the naked eye. I like things to be categorized, labeled, and tucked away in place. I am an extremely organized individual, because I like to find things when I need them. I find time to be too precious to be wasted looking for a pin in a hay stack. Hence, that is when the opposite forces between my mother and I end with a scream!
An often conversation you would hear at our house is the following:
Me screaming, “MOM! Where is so and so at? Where did you put it!”
Mother answering, “Upstairs!”
Me saying with a more angry tone, “I know upstairs! WHERE?”
Mother screaming back because I was a maniac horrible daughter, “In the drawer!!”
Me screaming back on the top of my lunges, “Which drawer!!!”
Mother screaming with disappointment in her voice, “The drawer upstairs! Wasn’t I clear the first time? Don’t you understand!”
Oh my God, that’s when my veins start popping from my head, and my teeth grinding uncontrollably. So, I end up wasting my time searching, and searching, and oh, more searching! Did I mention searching?
Since I am a total geek and had to describe my mother in computer lingo, then I would do it this way:
My mother badly designs one database, which supposedly should be different ones, with no primary keys with auto incrementation, and with no foreign keys. She queries her database without using any loops, but by using hard coded query strings to match case her data when retrieving it. Or on many days, she would rather query the whole database with every item in it in every table, because it is much easier to do than pick one table or inner join with another one or two!
If I had to hire my mother as a database programmer, I would be forced to fire her within twenty minutes. However, since I have a little soft spot in my heart, I will accept her wrong ways of storing and finding anything, and try to find it my self. Even if doing that will waste my time redoing the whole thing! Hence, in this case, reorganize drawers, closets, rooms, and even the whole house!
Unfortunately, my mother has spread the disorganized bad habit onto my sister. Maybe my sister will learn this thing called organization on her own, because I ain’t helping her y’all! That brat is on her own!
Angry, Blah Blah, Funny, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!
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