The typicals

Hi Mona! You know tradition is what it is. You are a forward-thinking Arab PERSON who seems intent on making a mark of some kind. What would you like to do? Write a book and get it published? Perform professionally in some art or other mode? What is it exactly you want to leave behind as a “Mona marker” for others to enjoy or learn from?

I agree with Dave. You are such a good story teller. I can’t wait to read your book. I do agree with you on being more open-minded. Marriage is a self in life not the “end all be all”.

first i want 2 say what ever i say i dont mean any ofence 2 any 1 arab or non arab here in nfld (canada that is lol)boys n girls r ahhh how can i put this ??ok lets just say girls caz thats the topic girls here 4 the most part r not worryed about getting marryed caz there parents never talk about this or tell them 2 worry n girls here just as boys dont have a problem telling there parents 2 mine there own busness even if they do talk about stuff like this but as far as i know no parent does this here n there is no pressure 2 get marryed so they (girls) dont worry about it also i want 2 say that it seems 2 me that arabs(arab girls) 4 the most part dont have as much freedom as others again thats what it seems 2 me maybe i am wroung i dont know salams 2 all

The problem is that Arab girls are groomed or rather brainwashed to think thier mission in life is to get married and stay in the house. Stupid mentality. I hate it when girls themselves say ” what’s the use of an education when my diploma will hang in the kitchen” UM HELLO !
You can do other things in life. Marriage is ok but not a goal. Someone shouldn’t aspire to marry, but for some stpuid reason, our stupid society thinks it is.
I agree Mona, one should be remembered for his or her accplishments.

Firstly, Mona, you have been recognised for doing something different and that is your blog. Secondly, Mona, what about Western Arabs? Don’t they seem more like caucasians when you converse with them? Not always are they caring about marriage as this is a stereotype, however I do admit what you’re saying is true.

This reminds me of things I read in a book about Arabs recently. Although it’s 20 years old, it seems this marriage-is-how-I-define-myself mentality still prevails. At least you are breaking the mold.

The book I read is “Both Right and Left Handed: Arab Women Talk About Their Lives” by a Syrian, Bouthaina Shaaban. I found it at my local library. Are you familiar with her? I think you would strongly relate to many of the women she interviewed. They were Syrians, Lebanese, Palestinians and Algerians.

I read that book! <3 Bouthaina Shaaban.

I actually dont get why Bouthaina doesnt get more recognition, to me she is WAY more fierce than queen rania and queen rania gets accolades left right and centre, even though she married into money and opportunity. Bouthaina talks about her life in detail, she doesnt try to sugar coat things, built her career ALL by herself, has written loads of books, articles, lectuers, works for the prez, I love her! She has a p.h.d from warwick, shes seriously balling.

Okay, then a friend of mine is right… I am WHITE! The only thing I would ask you about is probably food.. but I’m usually hungry

I wonder if those girls get bored sitting at home all the time? What does a arab housewife do these days? Im talking about the ones that have maids so dont really cook/clean themselves. What do they do when their kids are at school? Someone enlighten me. x

@mona
Not only that but an education is a powerful weapon. I mean what happens if a hubby dies? Or the marriage ends in divorce?

I worked up until May and just now became stay at home. I went back to work when my firstborn was 4 months old. But even though I’m home I keep busy and am looking for work at home stuff. I take my kids to playgroups, go to the gym etc. I rarely associate with other Arab women cause I don’t get along with them and
the “what did you cook mentality”
it also helps when the male encourages a different mentality. I can’t put the blame on the women cause there are lots of men who like stupid women and want someone naive and uneducated just to cook and clean. It’s a method of control.

When (IF) you do publish a book, i will definately buy a copy for all my girl friends xxx

Well, fornication is Ok but marriage is not?
What’s wrong beeing married and go to work? What’s wrong for beeing a mum and go to work while the children are in the kinderfarten? Well, Mona you know that the only way to live in a islamic-legal way, is the marriage. So I am asking, what would you do If you fall in love with someone, no matter If he is an Arab or not? Wouldn’t you marry him, or not?
Well, I don’t speak of an Arab life, I am speaking of an islamic life, which orders us to learn, to seek knowledge everyday, and a Muslim will not be bored in his life, because there is always something to do. Well, If the woman gets babies then she should take care of them, If they go to kindergarten, then she can go work…. and organize the other stuffs: work, domestic, cooking, children…. Why not?
Or will you live you live alone? I mean, that would ve boring….

I have some quotes from her book on my blog presently. You can check them out to see if she’s someone you’d like getting to better know if you want.

I used to watch this TV show called Bab Al-Hara at my brother-in-law’s house in Ramadan. It drove me to the conclusion that the typical Arab’s life is simply “who died yesterday, who’s getting married tomorrow, and what’s cooking today.” It’s definitely worse for women because many of them can’t do anything about it even if they wanted to, due to the several cultural restrictions on women in Arab countries.

And although I wholeheartedly support your efforts trying to teach Arab women how to survive on their own, I can’t really see Arab women changing that much. It’s the same type of women that get to breakthrough, and the rest are still in the dark. Very sad indeed.

That said, what’s cooking?

@Mais
If they can afford a maid, then they’re probably rich, so I can assume that they fix their make up, go shopping, and gossip about other women all day.

Dear Mona,
I would like to congratulate you for such an amazing blog. I wish more people would do blogs with relevant content just like yours!
I am a Senior in high school and I’m writing a paper about autoethnographies (the description of a culture from someone inside the culture to someone else outside it), talking about how blogs have become genuine exemplars of this type of work, and I am using your blog as a major reference.
Keep up the good work and I hope your blog can be heard by those people full of prejudices against Arabians.

I think the problem is that not many educated Arab women are vocal like the non educated ones. We are so adjusted to listening to the “when are you getting married” question that we forget to pursue the educated women writing books, teaching, being politically active, etc.

So @Vanessa, women can work and be a mother at the same time, and that isn’t an issue. It is an issue when the man allows the wife to work and someone’s mother is telling you that. You always hear, “Well, you can find a husband that will let you work.” It shouldn’t be a “let you” situation, it should be an “I will” situation. Our parent’s generation do not see that we are no longer telling one another what to do. It’s for the fact that Arabs respect their elderly so much, that we allow them to talk. Thus, making the notion that we must stay enclosed in four walls more prevalent because the younger generation have a bit more knowledge and respect and fear to not say anything at all. However, sometimes bad habits are easy to pick up and many of the young have the ignorance of elders that do not know. It’s called manners, in which they lack.

I see Mona the writer emerging sometime during my life span. Don’t you?

Is this Bouthaina you are talking about, Mais?
http://www.bouthainashaaban.com/publications.html

Sounds interesting.. I’m afraid I have never heard of her either.

YES thats her. Bouthaina is so honest about her life experiences as an arab woman, mother, career woman that I have so much respect and admiration for her. I guess maybe Bouthaina would rather be known as a respected intellectual rather than well known personality. She was always top of her class (mashallah) and has built her career by herself (from a village in syria in the 50s to working with the prez-amazing!). Read her book Both Right and Left Handed, Im sure youll be able to identify xx