A lot of people have asked me what is wrong with me. Why am I so negative about love or so pessimistic in even thinking it may happen. You see, this is the type of post I try to avoid. However, today, I will discuss some things that may clear up a lot of misconceptions or provide answers to those who care.
You see, my problem was the trust that came from being “in love,” and the meaning of real love, if there is such a thing. I don’t believe in two people being genuinely in love. I find it to be a fairytale for those who are hopeless romantics and believe in it. See, I am negative again.
Moreover, a lot of non-Arabs email me and ask me for advice about Arab guys or girls. Most of them are girls who have Arab boyfriends or want to marry one, blah blah. However, most of the emails I get are from skeptical ladies that ask me, “Are Arabs to be trusted? I hear bad things about being in a relationship with them… ” blah blah.
I can’t really answer them because I can never generalize. I mean let’s all be real here, yes, a majority of Arab men have this idea that a woman should be this and that. They can never understand or accept any other. I am sorry to say this, but it is true. Can you imagine being an Arab girl who falls in that category of being one of those women that Arab men will never accept?
The Arab society has this standard of men and women. A man can do whatever the hell he pleases, but a woman has to be a certain way. If she is not, then she will never be accepted or even looked at. She will never fit into a stereotypical closed minded society. Anything in the Arab society that is not understood, then it will never be accepted. See, I am negative again, send me hate mail.. I am waiting.
So really, what is my problem?
I have talked to several Arab girls who experienced the same thing as me. Some of their stories are worse obviously, but most of them are the same. A girl likes a guy, the story escalates, then something happens and problems start arising, lots of fighting and making up, and then one day, the one who just couldn’t handle it anymore (me), gives it a quit. I had enough. So I told him to leave me alone, I had enough after all these years. Let’s stay apart. In the back of my head, and from knowing him for many years, that it was just a time out. Leave me alone for a while to think and maybe scour other options.
Unfortunately, about 5 or 6 months later, he gets married to someone else, although we were together for several years, and it never popped into his head or ever dared to.
So, yeah, I am bitter, but I have every reason to be. I have no trust in Arab men because all they want is to have a girl by their side that makes them look good, says yes to them, and knows nothing about all the crap that they do behind their backs. Hate mail coming. But I am only talking about typical Arab guys. I know there are lovely open minded ones out there, but they are still hiding!
Like I said, I don’t want to generalize here, but yah. That’s why every time I am interested in a new guy, and try to get to know him, when things get a bit serious, I just end it. Maybe it is just this unconscious decision that I make. End it now, or the same shit will happen again. I always wondered if those guys ended up getting married 2 or 3 months later because they found the opposite of me.
It’s funny living your life knowing that you are the opposite of what guys wants. Not only that, over time you keep looking at your self in the mirror and thinking, ” I am really not pretty or ever wanted.” I think I just met guys that are like everyone else, the typical Arab guys, and I have not found someone outside the norm yet.
So, if you have been reading my blog, and many of you do, and scare the hell out of them with actually remembering what I wrote about my self or thought about a situation a year ago, then understand this: I am not crazy, I am not pessimistic or hateful, but I was just like all those other girls that got hurt, and I try to brush guys that I suspect will do the same thing.
Unfortunately, days pass, months pass, years pass, and that scar will not go away.