Are you hearing my echo?
On a normal day, an argument with my mother is just part of the daily agenda. However, she brought up a good point of the idea of listening, which made me think today, and you know I love to think.
My mother has a serious problem with the way I was raised. She repeatedly tells me that I never listened to her and that’s why I ended up like ZIS! Which is true, I never listened to her because I know she will never listen to me. I don’t ever discuss personal things with her. If I do, then her perception of the way I think will lead to a huge fight, because I am beyond stubborn and refuse to think like everyone else. (You can tell I don’t have a close relationship with my mother… at all!) For her, anything that is not at her level of thinking is not acceptable. Which is fine, that’s the point of half of this blog, to retaliate of her way of thinking, which is like 90% of Arab mothers from the olden generation.
So everyday she tells me that I don’t listen to her, and I don’t talk to her, blah blah blah. The same daily tune that goes in one ear, and comes out the other. It got to the point where I say, “You know what, I am too old. Leave me alone!”
Then she tells me, “Why don’t you have friends or talk to anyone?”
I say with a deadly stare on my face, “No one my age wants to talk to me! They are all married and don’t want to be friends with a person like me! And you know it is TRUE!”
She said, “Well, you cannot live your life like this. What about Lisa? Why doesn’t she come over anymore? Do you still talk to her?”
I sigh of her constant questioning and say, “She doesn’t have time for me or talks to me. No one does or cares. I am satisfied with my life. I never complained. You are the one complaining!”
She said, “It is just nice to have at least someone listening to you, to hear your thoughts, and to converse with you.”
Then a flashing thought came to my head, “Some people hear my thoughts alright. Not just ONE person. Unless that ONE person keeps commenting on my blog with different names and from different locations all over the world, which would be funny.”
I then told my mother, “I don’t care who listens to me, if anyone at all! Conversation is OVER!”
There you go people! I just analyzed one of the major points of having this blog: because no one wants to listen to me in real life, not even people who say they are my friend, then I resorted to writing here. I made this blog because no one wants to talk to me in real life and understand me, because I ended up living in the worst place possible, and being naive in my choices of friendships and even love interests.
I rather be a floater all over the world and find people who will listen to me and want to be my friend. Also, to not feel alone and to have at least someone share some point with me so I feel normal. Being alone is the worst feeling possible. (You can predict that one day I will blow up and just drop everything, and leave to somewhere far far away and start a new life!) From my experiences so far in life, and being too nice and naive in my choices, people want to take advantage of me, and use me for their own personal gains, either it being intellectual, money wise, or work wise, etc.
I always wondered if I possessed mediocre intelligence, acted like a total sheeple, possessed no special life skills, and was a poor bum living in a rut, would I have real friends then, and even someone out there liking me and wants to be with me and not get married to someone else after 2 or 3 months after he has known me for years?
Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!
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Mums are sometimes like that. They want to help, but don’t know that sometimes their words only hurt more.
Don’t argue with her. Treat her nicely and don’t take her words as attacks. Assume it is your lil baby sister talking to you and treat her like that.
I tend to ignore anything noisy in my surroundings. Because if I give it any attention, I will get angry and irritated.
Mothers always feel like you’re still their baby and you need to be nurtured so don’t feel bad. Just ignore it. Once you’re all settled down… go on a holiday… take a road trip then your mother will really miss you. Treat yourself well… get pampered and RELAX.
lol, sounds familiar. My mum is always trying to get me to look, talk, and act more congenial. I told her I’m growing out my beard for Allah, and also for the fact that I’ll be visiting the Middle East and I want to fit in, and she’s all “Those guys shave and have nice clean looking beards.” And I always shoot back with, some of those guys in the Gulf Area only shave cus their mothers tell them to.
I always wax poetics with her and when I get really deep and metaphorical she says that I need medicine in order to stay sane. Since when has words of ridiculousness been such a bad thing? It’s not like I’m talking about smashing tomatoes over my head all day, just poetry ya know.
Mona, I love reading your words.
I know exactly how you feel. Not that it helps. Well, I hope it does. Heh… I’d sure be glad to know someone’s out there who can understand me, even if I said nothing. Yeah.
When I was back in the Holy Land, I felt that absolutely no-one could understand me. I’d be getting all deep, talking about life and what not. They’d just tell me “ishrab shai, ishrab shai”. Drink the tea. And that’s when I turned to the cyber world… at least until I got back here.
But I guess misery follows you around. You know, one time, I called 1-800-suicide. They asked me to leave a message. I swear to God.
All Mom’s are pretty much like that, they want you to change but don’t want to listen to what you want. But you have to remember they do this because they care. I agree with Itachi, just stay calm and don’t take her words for as attacks. By the way, i find it hard to believe that there is nobody for you to talk to besides us online. Isn’t there anybody that you are at least acquainted with you might want to talk to? maybe somebody at your new job? It might be good for you to talk to a human being
A) I possessed mediocre intelligence, acted like a total sheeple, possessed no special life skills, – Most likely in this scenario you would be popular because you fit in with most people, and not really take notice of youre surroundings.
B) ‘They are all married and don’t want to be friends with a person like me!’ lol girl you said it! I honestly feel this boils down to insecurity which is sad and also very naive for women to think this way.
C) ‘one day I will blow up and just drop everything, and leave to somewhere far far away and start a new life’ And how have u managed to survive at home this long in the first place, !
Funny enough, it sounds like you have the same relationship I did with MY mother – except I’m American and was raised in a very traditionally-American family. She never got me either – had NO clue as to what I was about. I’m sure she loves you, in whatever version she has of what love means. Not that that helps any! But the bottom line is she only understands her way of life, and when a child of hers not only chooses, but seems designed, to live outside of that version of “normal,” she cannot comprehend it.
I have no answers – my mother and I were never close. We were so different that we probably wouldn’t have liked each other if we’d really known each other. But I just wanted to say that your issues with her may in your case be partly cultural, but in a lot of ways they are universal. Peace.
Oh I just had that conversation with my boyfriend today, we are both individual thinkers.. that´s the way it is it seems, that there are a lot of closeminded people out there who get along together just fine. And then then it´s us.. I know im not an idiot, Ive taken a lot of intelligencetests and had better results than average, and never had any problems in school learning etc. I think your way smarter than average, and people don´t always get smarter people.. its like living in different words sometimes, you say something and they don´t get it cause they think so narrow, and the other way arround they say something and you interpret it on too many dimensions which confuses them. That´s why they like the traditions, cause they give them safety and hides their lack of intellectuality and intelligence.. but your not alone, as you say maybe we some people have to live as drifters between those closeminded islands of people.. i think you´ll find someone like you, it´s just not that many of us so of course it takes longer time to find someone than if you plain and average… and as always, stop blaming yourself as an individual, blame the structures
@Mais
I am a very very very patient person. It’s my special trait.
“Some people hear my thoughts alright. Not just ONE person. Unless that ONE person keeps commenting on my blog with different names and from different locations all over the world, which would be funny.â€
Yes, we all are the same person. And strange how we like to talk to ourselves and do such a great job of it.
Your mother may be right in one sense– that listening is a good thing to do. So often we like to talk about ourselves (how great we are, how we did this thing or that, what’s bothering us, etc.) and never take the time to listen to what others have to say. Believe it or not people are interesting. Use the fact that people like to talk about themselves to your advantage by incorporating it as a way of listening to people. Ask probing questions that don’t just elicit a Yes/No response. Be genuinely interested in the stories that people tell you, and don’t interject and/or interrupt. You will be surprised as to how many people will find you interesting (even though you never told them anything) and want to be with you.
@Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)
Maybe you are right.. but I just find it hard for people to “understand me,” or I am not that good in explaining my self that well to people.
I don’t know Mona, you sound very much like the artists, writers and musicians I know. It’s hard for them to find like minded people, but they’ve found a few. Communicating through your blog is wonderful, but I can understand your mother’s concern about wanting you to have in person connections too. I guess that’s because I’m closer to your mother’s age than to yours.