I am the master of my choices
In the past, I have known and conversed with many Arabs that lived life a certain way, because a majority of them came at a young adult age, but changed completely after I have talked to them several years later. It’s quite amusing seeing someone again after many years, but it is horrible at times and makes you step back a bit and ask them, “Is this really you? Who are you?”
A few years back, I had a conversation with an Arab man, much older than me, that told me, “To fit into this society, you have to act like them, think like them, and must only converse with them all the time.” At the time, I didn’t know what he was talking about really, but it made sense I guess. I grew up not around Arabs, then in my late teens, I was surrounded again with Arabs. Therefore, the thoughts in my head were not stable. I was exploring life and the people around me. I was trying to understand where I was now, who I am, and how I should live.
Live. How to live?
Unfortunately, this Arab man didn’t really convince me, since he was extreme in his choices of fitting in, that he lost the values of being an Arab. He still talked to certain Arabs since he is still one, but he lost the meaning of being one. Very much lost it.
Fakeness is Obvious
I think I have a gift in spotting a fake person a mile away. I think life just kicks people in the ass so hard, that they think they are making the right decisions. I knew some very traditional Arabs. Also, they are very religious, and held exceptional morals. If you meet them, you would say to yourself, “Hello! We are in Canada, but good that you stay true to who you are. Even though you are a bit odd and incomprehensible to the rest of the people around you, but I still salute you for being you and holding on to your values.”
Few years pass …
Bam! Twilight zone. Hello! What the hell happened to those people? My goodness. Is it me, or have people purposely decided that acting so fake, living a scripted life, and forcefully fitting in by acting so pathetically out of place, is the only way to do it?
One person I conversed with a few months back told me that hanging out with Arabs is bad. You have to hang out with the people here, act like them, do everything that is written in the book.
What book is that exactly?
I think there is a network of Arabs that spread this mentality. You see, I have met many non-Arabs that come from very distinct and obvious ethnic backgrounds, that don’t think like that. They act like themselves. They live life the way they want it, and expect people to understand them and learn about them, and not the other way around. Why can’t Arabs do that? Why are they always trying to change who they are to “fit in?”
Why can’t people just act the way they like and are comfortable with, and inevitably force the people around them to learn more and understand. Why should I change for you? Isn’t it easier to just make you understand instead?
I think that is the problem with the hatred the western world has towards other ethnicity, especially Arabs. They don’t understand us. If you don’t understand something, because the other person is not allowing you to understand, then you will get frustrated and wonder what they are hiding.
What are those Arabs hiding?
We are hiding nothing really, but some of us don’t know where that middle ground us; that intersection point between cultures that keeps it balanced and understood.
If you are a non-Arab, do you know much about Arabs? Who we really are? What life we live? What our real traditions are? What our real morals and values are? I didn’t think so, but for those Arabs who are too ASHAMED of who they are, and start living a scripted life, will lose their themselves. You might as well change your name to Mike, Jeff, Sam, or Mo, because you lost it anyways. You might as well lose the rest of it.
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Funny I know a Mike, Sam, and Mo all Palestinian, who changed for one reason or another. If I had a guess though it would be to fit in so that people wouldn’t call them by their proud heritage, heaven forbid.
The news about all the terrorist stuff is all crap. All this negative imagery spread about these guys, I don’t believe a word of it. Serious.
Something i learned when I first began hanging out with the community, to be an Arab is to be part of a dynasty. It is essentially timeless in that the mentality hasn’t really changed and the problem lies in the sociology of our evolving times. Mainly the urbanization of a mind set that is agrarian and nomadic. So to forget about the past and heed the fake warnings of father society hailing these selected individuals as a threat really makes the Arab population sweat, and paranoid honestly. It is intelligence manipulation based on a fear campaign.
I came to the umah because Islam was being bantered and battered like a rag doll. I couldn’t stand by and watch something that is, regardless of history and even belief, being treated like an injured dog.
One has to be true to oneself, one should be able to wake up in the morning and be able to look oneself in the mirror. Most people will take you for what you are and if you want to be fake, so be it. I was called Sam once in my life for 2 days when I was 17 in school in England. My name is part of my identity, and after 9/11 people kept asking me if my name gave me problems. My answer was, never. Bottom line, people accept you for whatever you want to be, but they also know if you are a fake and will treat you accordingly.
After growing up my younger years in America, in various places, I moved back to the Middle East and have been in Bahrain for the last 13 years.
I can’t say that any of my friends today are arab. Don’t get me wrong, there is one who is half-turkish, half-bahrain in our group; two egyptians; a third generation persian-bahraini; a sudani, a palistinian-american, and two full bahraini’s. Yet, I do not consider ANY of them to be traditional, REAL arabs.
Do they realize that they can not identify themselves as Middle Eastern? Probably not. I rarely do myself, and whenever I do think of my self as Arab, I feel nothing but sadness at the disjointed perception of who are we supposed to be.
How do we consilidate the emotions coursing through us? We were once the most powerful society in the world. We were once altruistic and great men (and women) of science, literature, poetry, astronomy, and the holistic sciences… Then we look at our fathers and what we see is backwards, closed mentalities hell-bent on traditional values that may or may not hold any relevance to our current lives; and we feel sad.
Broken and confused, we try to please our parents while also desperatly attempting to fit in to an increasingly radical ideal of what it means to be an ‘individual’ in today’s society.
We are a confused peoples. Probably the most confused of all. Our economic history for the past century dictates that we should have experienced a renaissance of thought. However, we haven’t. We remain on the precipice of this revolution; false starts and a step back or two. Like a car in the winter morning desperatly trying to start.
I used to think it would be our generation which will finally accept, understand the past and forge a new future, but now I am not so sure. Perhaps we are merely the last of the, what I will call, the Stalled Generations…
Who knows.
All I know is that things were not like they were before. We have all, not just arabs, lost our way, and now we are in limbo. Waiting for the next social evolution. Something as important and world changing as agriculture. I’m antsy for the change.
I wish everyone thought like you.
@Oussama
I know an Oussama here in my city. He legally changed his name to Sam. I think he suffered from post 9/11 prejudice attacks in his head.
@Ahmed Masri
Bravo.. well written. I couldn’t have said it better my self.
Hmm.. the Oussama thing I guess CAN be traumatic. I grew up in Austria NEVER meeting or hearing about a single person named Adolf. Yet in the pre 1930s years, that was a largely popular name, it died out after WWII. A name can be a burden.
)
(But: SAM? really
Dito to what you said about Ahmed Masri.
@Dina
It’s quite funny that a name is a person’s burden.
As Shakespeare wrote in his famous play, Romeo and Juliet:
“What’s in a name?”
@Mona
thank you.
We are a confused peoples. Probably the most confused of all. Our economic history for the past century dictates that we should have experienced a renaissance of thought. However, we haven’t. We remain on the precipice of this revolution; false starts and a step back or two. Like a car in the winter morning desperatly trying to start.
Since the oil market began over the past century hasn’t there been a renaissance of sorts? We have seen Qatar go from pearl mining to a hub of various markets, and in general the Emirates has seen a rise in education since there is more spent on materials and buildings. Because of the internet revolution communications have capsized cultural boundaries. All over the middle-east madaris have grown and academics and curriculum have evolved. There is nothing confusing about going to school or work, praying, and having fun with the family, it is the simplest life one could hope for, and it all came about by the stern heartwarming mentality that Arabs have kindled. The true Arab, from what I have observed, doesn’t get down by the acquisition of knowledge, but the gaining of it is enlightening akin to an-noor, we reflect what we learn, and the problems emblazoned by al-jezeera that we experience are only false, and do not make up the global community that resides in the living rooms.
We were once altruistic and great men (and women) of science, literature, poetry, astronomy, and the holistic sciences.
It is true the pathology is in limbo, however science has increased ten fold with the injunction of medical technologies, poetry and literature has never ceased, astronomy is only getting more vast with the discovery of new systems, and the holistic medicines have evolved thanks to world wide trade.
You must understand something about evolution is that it is happening every nano second, its not necessarily something that takes time. It is a simple attitude adjustment, or a perspective change.
I respect everyones opinions here but I disagree with most. I think its important to have a realistic and not eutopian attitude towards Arabs and Arab history. Arabs have had accomplishments which they should be accredited for, true, but that does not take away from all the problems they have had historically and continue to have. Making youre life easier doesnt necessarily mean youre unpatriotic. If you take an approach whereby you analyze things from how they should be (ie thinking of the most IDEAL ARAB!) rather than how they are, you will never reach a true conclusion. And by the way I dont think that the West in comparison are better than arabs, nor do I follow their customs or beliefs. Lastly, all my ideas on here are my personal intellectual copyright, so that includes anything Ive posted before, if it sounds smart thank you but I need my copyright fee! =) xx
@Mais
I will pay you in pesos. Deal?
Mais, my point for being semi utopian in my feelings towards the arab world has exactly to do with history and the problems we have experienced. What if history didn’t exist? what if everything changed tomorrow and history was nullified? Would that still make you the person you are today?
you have to put those problems aside and just worry about happy families and full stomachs, and from my observation that is all I am seeing in the Arab world.
@Mais
I had a good feeling that you are writing your thesis and trying to get some inpiration from my blog and what people post on her. That’s why you engage in the conversation in depth and really get into the heart of the problem.
Hey.. I am helping some people pass University! I am doing something right!
Hey Mona
Well you are smart like I have always said =D My intentions are only good and I dont ever say anything thats opinion based I do a lot of research on this topic obviously and Ive spent so much time and effort getting first hand sources so thats why when people think the Muslim world is great I am not surprised they are usually men. And when people tell me Im going to hell Its fine because
a) I have heard it for so long Ive become desensitized
b) The Quran says more women are going to hell so I am doomed on Earth (Sharia law) and afterlife according to Quran
And if anyone read the above and got confused, The Quran actually says that more women are going to hell than men. So yes statistically speaking according to the Quran you are doomed even before birth if you posess female genitals. I could not make something like that up myself. =) x
@Mais
Oh Mais.. you do love to stir big debates.. Although the Quran says that more women are going to hell, then women should work extra hard in bettering themselves and having bigger faith in God. Unfortunately, if you look around, many women don’t.
My point is, in Islamic docrtines, whether you like it or not if you are not on an equal footing from BIRTH, you are doomed from the start. Im stirring up a debate by stating facts. As I have said I am willing to face criticism or death fighting for the children.
@Mais
I see your point, and I agree with most of what you said. I like it that you only give your personal opinions backed with facts.
Thanks mona. I try my best. In the Muslim world women and girls have absolutely no security from when they are born, teenagers, adults, marriage, even if they spend their whole life supporting their husband they still have polygamy, can you imagine spending youre whole life supporting youre husband then you get nexted? And this happens a lot in the Muslim world but women cannot speak up because it is perfectly legal. In fact, in the Muslim world treating women somewhere between a rat and cow (better than rat, less than cow) is perfectly legal. Dont even get me started on the political and economics related laws and regulations. In Sharia Law women cannot participate on government level, in Sharia law women have to stay at home at the request i.e. demand of their husbands. According to Sharia Law every jealous husband whose wife is smarter than him (highly likely) can force her to stay at home. Also there are the marital laws. Humanity will be much better off without Sharia law. I have read most legal codes around the world and can detail, describe and debate each one happily with readers on youre blog Mona but by far the most disgusting, inhumane and barbaric is Sharia Law. When I was studying Sharia Law I could not eat for the whole day, I lost my appetite because I dont know how something that barbaric can be created by someone with 1% of a soul. Its a disgrace and goes completely against the laws of nature which give women a much better position.
Again if you are here reading and would like to have a real discussion about Sharia Law then you can msg me or I could point you to some great references. Also, in case you have noticed there are many women from Arab and Muslim origin who try by varying degrees introducing measures to make life more tolerable for women. They have to pretend its Islamic in order to not be slaughtered by the religious male clergy but if you look in detail at the policies they arent. But thats fine because they have to find some way I respect those women God bless them. P.S no one cares about Britney Spears or stereotypical ”overpowering” Western women only scared boys there is a way to be classy, educated, and empowered xxx
@Mais
Of course I understand what you are saying and I will always back you up. You have very rational thoughts. You need a blog girl, or someone to help you get the message across.. (me!)
p.p.p.s Just before I go to bed if what I said was too hard to understand put yourself in someone elses shoes lets say you are smart:
Girl : Ok I am an A grade student my brother is a C grade student I am always responsible hes always getting in trouble can I go study abroad
Parent : We know but you cant go abroad
Girl : why?
Parent : Because you cant you have no one to go with you
Now repeat this for every situation where you are perfectly logical, rational, and capable but Sharia law says you arent. I hope you understand. xx
Lol Hey mona I am getting my own blog to put up my questionnaire for my final thesis so I will notify you all about that very soon have a good night or day depending on where in the world you are always lovely to be on here xxxx
@Mais
Good night sweetie.. and it is evening here. 8:15 pm. We are -5 GMT!
@Mais
about more woman going 2 hell then men think about it like this there has 2 be more of some1 like its either more woman or more men n how many woman gos 2 heaven ? how many woman r on the earth ?is there more woman on the earth then men ? n about a girl going abord if she is a grown woman she should be able 2 go n do what she wants if she is a adult n sane her parents cant force her 2 stay home this is not allowed is islam is it ?
@Mais
mais r u a sunni or shia muslim ?
Please call me what you will, and when you aim your tomatoes to throw at me make sure you hit me in the face, but there is no hell.
, or have been swept aside like a leaf in the wind.
If God knew everything that you were going to do before you did it, then why is God punishing you for it? Hypocrisy at its greatest
Religion is just social control, oh and a meal ticket for the person making it up.
The greatest creators I’ve always met have been women, it seems all the ‘greatest’ leaders have been male, and the female leaders have either owned their destiny in totality, Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, Rebellious Mona
Give me a world in which the woman is the centerpiece, not an object of popping babies, not a bread winner, not a trophy, but a heart, an appendage that if I didn’t have, i would die immediately, better yet would cease to be.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
They should lead.
the hanafi madhab school of thougt which is the oldest states that a adult sane female does not need the permision of any1 2 do anything i just wanted 2 put this out there salams 2 all
Hey Charlie, my family is quite strongly Shiite, but I dont support or oppose it. I support using youre brain, always. Hope that youre trip was wonderful and you got to see youre princess! xx
Hey Mona sorry but can you delete post #24 its too personal. have a good day xxx
@Mais
ok i was just wondering n yeah everything went great on my trip n inshallah i am going back in a while 2 meet her dad thanks 4 asking salams n hope all is well 4 u
also i belive every man n woman (adult)can n should make there own chices in life parents r there just 2 help u along not 2 make ye choices 4 ya every person is there own person salams
Hey Charlie. I understand what you are saying but according to Sharia Law youre husband has control of you once youre father/guardian seizes control, so there is never any freedom. Youre explanations are very sweet though, good luck meeting youre girls dad, she is lucky to have you. xx
Charlie, My point here is, although some girls and women need to be controlled otherwise they will run around like rabid dogs (I myself have seen examples of out of control unclassy behaviors), you cannot impose that ideology on everyone, I for one am an example of that. I know that nothing I say will change Sharia Law (I am not naive) and I know that as Muslim countries and Muslims become fearful of increasing Western influence, things are likely to become stricter, but I still think its important to discuss. xxx
@Mais
4 what u said about her being lucky 2 have me i am really the lucky 1 but thank u sooooooooooooo much 4 saying that n i very much agree with u everyboby should talk about this
@Mais
i am still very much learning alot about islam so i need 2 ask 2 be sure sharia law is 4 shia muslims right ?
Hey Charlie. Sharia law = Islamic law it has nothing to do with Sunnis or Shiites. As I keep saying this is how barbaric and inhumane they are towards women and children. I mean no other religion in the HISTORY of mankind has placed conditions on BABIES. What a disgrace. Save the children!
@Mais
ok cool i was just wondering about it i love islam very much but i will never agree with this there should be no conditions on babies or woman like u said b4 some woman need 2 be guided as do some men do 2 i think Allah will judge these people 4 this on the day of judgement salams n hope all is well
Charlie, Do you think its a coincidence that Islamic Sharia Laws are at the expense of women and children? In the Muslim world women have the lowest % of property, highest % of suicide (honor killings), highest % of unreported domestic violence, lowest % of % of girls in education, etc. Do you think its a coincidence that a legal system is created that conditions people that way? People are the same but government and justice systems are there to protect human rights. I would honestly rather a justice system created by lucifer I have read stories of the devil and it doesnt sound too bad I dont mind someone whispering in my ear every now and then! I bet even the devil sheds a tear when those stonings/honor killings/etc occur!
@Mais
me personnaly i dont think the devil sheds a tear 4 anything or any 1 anything n everything that is bad i belive its the devils work. But u raise some very good qustions i dont know if its a coincidence or not but its not right either way the way i was raised was that woman n men r equeal in every way.For the most part they have dirrent roles but these roles can change n they r still equal no matter what n honor killing i wont even go there caz thats just pure crazy (they r playing god)dont it say in the Quran that men r made 4 woman n woman made 4 men (or something like that)who created the Sharia law ? n where did these laws come from ?is it from the Quran ? i think somewhere alone the line some things got messed up somewhere
n childen r 100% inncent they dont know whats right or wroung at least untill they get of age no 1 has the right 2 hurt childen n Allah will 4 sure give any 1 who does a great torment n great pain in this life or the next salams n have a great day/night
Hey Charlie glad we can come to that conclusion. Honestly I support Islams code of morals and ethics and lifestyle guidance, but I have problems with Sharia Law (and for good reason). Anyways the most important thing is always the children. xx
@Mais
