I know I have been writing pathetically stupid posts the past week, but I have been hiding my true anger and discontent of people’s actions. I am very angry, and writing this post will not calm me down that easily, but it helps a bit.
People piss me off
I am sorry to say this, but in general, people have serious problems. They don’t understand the meaning of “Leave me alone. I am not a child. What the hell do you want from me? I don’t want to be your friend. I am not this lost soul that you feel obligated to save.” Oh, and for that person, don’t bluntly lie to me saying you don’t go on my blog. After you insulted me, do you expect things to change for better or worse? You think I am stupid or something? I have an IP address tracker that emails me on every visit, and one of my statistics tools sees behind those stupid anonymous proxy sites and reports back to me the real IP address. I got over 5 statistics monitoring tools, and I check them almost every day to see where people are coming from, because that’s what a website owner does to make sure everything is alright and no one lies to me. It also helps me stop those stupid hackers from the middle east to get into my blog again by running those stupid scripts and sql injections.
Secondly, let’s think of this logically, even though my intelligence was questioned a million times, and so was my horrible grammar and English (You know us foreigners with our bad English! We just can’t help it!), I am not offended, but it really makes you on my list of past memories that will never be revived.
Anyways, I am sick and tired of people talking to me. No one understands the pressures from my job every day, and the crap I have to endure from stories about Arabs when I get home. No one gives a crap, and that’s why, I have no reason to give a crap about anyone. If I bluntly tell my parents to leave me alone, why wouldn’t I do that to you?
My parents feel sorry for me
Finally the guilt is creeping up on my parents. They know I don’t talk to any human being, and I don’t go anywhere. And they know that I am taking courses toward my certification to fill that empty gap in my life. They don’t know the real reason why I became like this, and I am not going to open a huge debate of how much I want to seclude myself from this bitter world filled with liars. I am not going to explain to them my discontent of this Arab mentality that I am forced to live by every day. I am not going to explain to them that I have met and known enough people in my life that I choose to act like a bitter 60 year old.
I am tired of explaining.
I work with the wrong people
You guys think I like my job? I do sometimes, but most of the time no. It was fine in the beginning, but the more I know people at work and the mental age gap that is hindering production, the more fearful I am of the way things are going. I just can’t wait to leave work at 4:30 pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes I work over time if I was told explicitly to get things done ASAP.
Although some people at work noticed my talents, and that’s what they want, a person that can do it all, but them also noticing my discontent with some things thrown at my face is making them fearful. Sure, I can do it all, but I am only human. I am trying to learn from this other guy at work, and just work at the bare minimum to what I was hired to do. It’s hard to do so when I want to do more, I want to prove myself, but is it worth all this pressure? Am I getting compensated enough for it? No!
Also, like I mentioned in the paragraph before last, the age gap is killing me. I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers anymore, because I am sick of listening to them, and them asking the stupidest nosiest questions. Then they talk to me like a five year old, and want me to talk to them only in utter respect. Who the hell are they? I bow to no one or give any respect except to God. I don’t care anymore that I should be nice to older people, screw them. They have no respect for me, why should I be for them?
I have to become even more bitter or I won’t survive with such people. My plan is to be as calm as possible till I finish my certification courses, which will take two years, and find another job. In the meantime, since I have no real friends that want to ever listen to me or talk to me, I will use this blog as a ranting area instead. I know you guys will listen to me, email me your thoughts, and tell me that you have the same problems too. When you do that and tell me your stories, I don’t feel alone, and you don’t feel alone, and I am more at peace with myself and can sleep at night.
I am sorry, but I have to excessively rant a lot more from now on, or I will go crazy or very physically sick.
Finally, this song has been keeping me a bit sane the past couple of days. I like the words. No wonder. So me.