Beauty is but an accessory
Today is story telling day. So, there is this 26/27 year old girl that I know through my mom that is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. She is one of those girls that make little old me intimidated if I even go anywhere near her. She has black hair, green eyes, olive skin tone, perfect body, not too short and not too tall, and just has a beautiful and sweet personality.
She is of Lebanese descent. She got married right after highschool when she was only 18 years old. She has a 6 year old son now and she started smoking recently.
My mom asked her, “Do you plan to have anymore children? Your son seems lonely.”
The girl said, “No. I don’t plan to. I am having problems with my husband and mother-in-law.”
My mom knows her mother-in-law and told me no wonder this girl is having problems with her.
My mom asked her, “What kind of problems?”
The girl said, “My best friend found out from her friend that my mother-in-law is trying to hook my husband up with another girl so he will divorce me.”
My mom was mystified. Why would her mother-in-law want to get rid of her? Wasn’t the reason she was married at such a young age because she was probably the most gorgeous girl out there? (A catch like no other!)
My mom asked, “Why would she do that to you?”
The girl said, “Because I don’t listen to her, and she wants me to wear hijab, not go anywhere and wear what she wants.”
My mom said, “And what do you plan to do? Maybe you need to go take a course or continue your education.”
The girl said, “That’s the other problem. Can you imagine me being divorced now? What am I supposed to do then with no education and nothing to do?”
My mom said, “Maybe you need to make your self busy and go get educated. Your mother-in-law will not leave you alone and you don’t benefit her son if anything happens in the future to him, but if she sees you applying your self and doing something, then maybe she will leave you alone.”
When my mom told me the story I was like what the hell? If such a beautiful girl is having problems, then no wonder why us average girls have even more serious problems. It’s those mother-in-laws that like to set their own rules that everyone has to apply that cause all the problems. They love to invent problems to ruin their childrens’ marriages.
Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!
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Crazy you mentioned this story. I had a conversation with a friend, who is a wedding planner, and she’s writing a book about the success of a marriage just by seeing how the wedding is planned out. The number one indicator of a failed marriage: the mother-in-law is overbearing and doesn’t realize that she’s not the priority anymore.
Sounds like the husband needs to step in, if he has the guts, to tell his mother to back off.
What a shame. Lesson to every girl who’s reading this! GET AN EDUCATION!!! because your life is made for way more than servitude!
I pity her… but thats what happens when you don’t have education to defend you when you’re a girl and having marriage problems. The guy needs to tell his mother off and stay with his wife as she has best interests at heart for her son. It’s a shame she has to struggle like this. Well Allah knows best and hopefully something better will happen for her.
I think this problem is very common among marriages, where the in-laws get in the way, and I am sure there is a very long list somewhere of why that is. Maybe in this case, the mother-in-law could be jealous of the lady. The husband spends more time with his partner, and his focus shifts farther away from the mother. Maybe she has some qualities and traits that the mother does not have, and the mother may be jealous of those qualities also. The same is true about characteristics that may be present with the mother that is not with the wife, and the mother is disappointed by that. There could be clashes of personalities between the wife and the mother-in-law. My question is, what is the stance of the husband in all of this? I ask because if he himself does not want to leave, then he really needs to make himself clear to his mother that he does not want to leave his wife and appreciates his wife for who she is.
Sometimes I wonder why there are these types of mother-in-laws / mothers around. They say they want their children to be happy but they’re doing things that can destroy the happiness and optimism of the son / daughter. And for what? Very stupid things. Unless her son’s wife is not treating him well or cheating on him with other guys, then what’s the problem right? I think she should put herself in the daughter-in-law’s position and think how would she feel if her own mother/mother-in-law does the same thing to her and marry her husband off to someone else. She’s not perfect. Nobody is
am i the only 1 that belives in love lol i mean come off it if hes willing 2 let his mom brake them up then he dont really love her anyways if he did 4 sure he would not even think or let his mom think about divorce
@Angel </Allah is the only 1 that is perfect p.s my girl is 99.9 % perfect or i will say 98.9 % lol
1 more thing lol love is a very strong thing i think the strongest love or should i say true love is something that if u have it then u wont ever give it up 4 any1 or anything it cant be explained or u cant write it here also i belive not everyboby has it or gets it all i can say is Allah akbar ! n thank u Allah
Mother-in-laws can often be the cause of crumbling marriages in general, especially Muslim marriages, due to the cultural expectations. I think that my MIL is literally one in a million. I have no idea how I got so lucky but just know that there are some great MIL’s out there.
And I highly doubt you are “average” looking!!
thats a global phenomenon mona and you have to thank your stars or destiny that you get a good Mother-in-law..
Its an indian saying that instead of matching bride and grooms horoscope, horoscopes of bride and her mother-in-law should be matched
and i too doubt that mona you are average looking.. you look great and beautiful!!
Does this guy not have a backbone? Men like that make me wonder why they do not forgo convention and morality altogether and marry their mothers because they’re evidently their ideal woman. Urgh.
I’m a little cynical when it comes to marriage but surely as has been questioned, if he loved her, his mother’s opinion wouldn’t matter?
Good luck to the poor woman.
Mona, you think its a concidence that she hasnt done anything since she got married
Regardless, I hope everything works out for her x
@Mais
Nop… no one brought up the fact that these are Arabs in this situation. The girl was picked by his mother, and about to get rid of by his mother.
Sometimes it is really not a great idea to get married at a very young age. But for some it works. Poor girl to have a monster-in law! You’re mom is right, she should go get some education. Thank you for sharing this story.
Mona is a beautiful girl on the inside and on the outside
If she lives in Canada, tell her to get a good divorce lawyer, take all his stuff, and get him nailed down for child support. If she is clever, she will start taking copies of the family financial records do he can’t hide anything.
If he is such a contemptible twit as to betray his oaths to wife and children for the sake of his mother, nail him to the wall, and see how his mother likes him living at home again because he cannot afford to do otherwise.
Not quite so sure if her mother will think differently even if she starts applying herself. Sometimes people make up their minds and stick with it.
Mother in laws, esp Arab ones are evil. I went through hell with mine
But that is besides the point.
If her husband lets mommy dearest make his decisions, then what kind of man is he? Oh wait, momma’s boy. Typical of so many Arab men.
But again, I question the gal herself. I mean did she not think of her future 6 or 7 years ago whenever she got married? Or did she think that looks are everything and as long as she had them would guarantee her marriage? Of course at 17 or 18 I think one is still immature and she was probably just on cloud 9 because she was getting married. Some girls think that way. And then realize that the honeymoon ends. Then what?
I blame her upbringing too. I wonder what her parents have to say to this?
I’ve seen and heard of so many situations like this. And it is up to the guy with regards to his mother.
What a shame.
@Monas Secret Admirer
Sucking up to me big time!! Who are you now? Come on.. don’t be shy.. I am curious!
Salams all! I’m back to throw my 2 cents in…No wonder we’re all confused :s When Arab “mothers” go “wife shopping” for their babies they all want the same thing…someone who’s gonna cook, clean, pop out baby BOYS,oh did i mention cook? , and heed to their beck and call. On top of all that they have to be the most wanted girl in the “village”…well then when you find that village hottie who does all that cooking, cleaning, baby popping, as soon as she shows a sign of tire from all that work, you wanna run out and find him a younger version of wife # 1. Well you know what the fact is she’s marrying your sons ladies so get your head outta the clouds anjad. Why can’t you just be happy if your baby boy has finallyl found someone to do all those things for him! Isn’t the most important thing that he has someone to love him and share his life with? Yes ladies & gents…i’m speaking from personal experience!! I had one of those mother in laws…and it never changes!!! Drove me to divorce! So a few words of advice for you meddling parents out there…i full heartedly, compassionately understand a mothers love for her son but…stop comparing yourselves to the wives. It’s immature and it’s ridiculous, they’re both the 2 most important female relationships he’ll ever have so let him live it and let him have it, life is too short. After all it’s his wife tha’t gonna be taking care of him when others have “moved on” (don’t wanna sound insensitive) and bathing him when he’s 85…will you?
Arab mothers want boys because boys have always been preferred over girls throughout the millenia (thousands and thousands of years, and its been very well documented, and you know how I love my facts) so in that sense, its not really the mothers fault for only wanting what has been the case in the HISTORY of the world. And there is nothing you can do to change the history of the damn world. Anyways you wouldnt have anything positive to say to them, unless you lied and gave them some fairytale which I think is very destructive. I know its off topic but we cant blame mothers for things completely out of their control. xx
@Mais
You always come up with the obvious historical analysis!
Hey, what about the guy? Maybe he didn’t want to get married? How old was he when he married? Most Arabs have problems with relatives when it comes to the marriage issue. It is really hysterical. I try to avoid them all when I visit my country of origin.
Mona, you should like totally marry me. My mom is like the nicest mother in law in like the world EVER. She NEVER sticks her nose in ANYONE else’s business.
@Mais
This is true since girls are considered a source of potential trouble and dishonor, while the more girls Mr. Tripod scores, the manlier he is. Pffft.
I love how Arab mothers typically prefer their sons, then realize that their daughters are the ones who come to the rescue. As usual, women always give while men take.
Well, actually pre-islamically it was more of them being seen as weaker and in general a burden. Post-Islamically it got a bit more technical and was seen as having less political/social/economic/marital/custodial/inheritance/ weighting and therefore also less worthy. Same shit, different day really! PS Im not getting into a discussion about this but I wanted to mention the difference xx