Lately, a lot of random people have been contacting me telling me their stories. Most have sorrowful stories of love, betrayal, cultural interference, and the most famous question of all, “why me?”
I don’t have an answer, because like you and I, I ask my self, “why me?” However, when it comes to love and relationships, I sort of quit caring. I grew out of it. I don’t want it to be the main focus in my life. When I was younger in University, I had two main focuses: education and falling in love. Huh! Silly as it may sound, but when you only have one responsibility such as school, then finding something magnificent such as love is just as challenging.
Unfortunately, we grow up. We grow up and realize there are a lot more challenging things in life that we don’t want to deal with just yet. That is the reason why I prefer to stay in school and decided to enroll in continuing education at the University. It will cost me a lot, but I decided that as long as I have a job, I will create another focus. I cannot have one focus in life, and it seems I failed in love or I don’t want it, then I will focus in education instead.
How long will this continue on?
I ask my self this every day, when will I find another focus? I seem to be eliminating one focus at a time and finding another. I inevitably got rid of any friends because deep down inside of me I cannot commit 100% to them like real friends do. And because I cannot, I just decided to end it or I will be a horrible friend to have. Why would a person continue to be a horrible person to others?
As for love, you see, I try, but when I try, my head tells me no. My memories keep telling me what is the point! He will love you now, but will get married to the next person, any person in a month later!
It’s funny, one lady at work who is about 50 has a boyfriend and 3 kids, and she asked me, “Mona, why aren’t you dating anyone!” I said, “The older I am, the pickier.” She said, “That’s true.” I said, “I had a boyfriend for like 6 years, I broke up with him, and 3 months later he got engaged, and 3 months after that he was married.” Her reaction was unbelievable. Her chin dropped and said, “What the fuck? Who the hell does that?” Then another lady heard that and gasped in shock. In the back of my head, I said, “Hmm, good thing you guys don’t know anything about the way Arabs think about love and marriages, because this is common in this culture of mine. To get married to someone you don’t know and a lot of times never met before or conversed face to face is not so shocking.”
Marriage is supposed to be a result of love, but many believe that love comes after marriage, or is developed over time. However, when it does not work out, divorce is out of the question, and they end up living a miserable life. Therefore, what is better? To wait until you are 100% sure, or get married for the sake of marriage and hoping it will work out and love is never a main factor?