Boy loves girl. Boy leaves girl. Girl still loves boy and asks why?
Lately, a lot of random people have been contacting me telling me their stories. Most have sorrowful stories of love, betrayal, cultural interference, and the most famous question of all, “why me?”
I don’t have an answer, because like you and I, I ask my self, “why me?” However, when it comes to love and relationships, I sort of quit caring. I grew out of it. I don’t want it to be the main focus in my life. When I was younger in University, I had two main focuses: education and falling in love. Huh! Silly as it may sound, but when you only have one responsibility such as school, then finding something magnificent such as love is just as challenging.
Unfortunately, we grow up. We grow up and realize there are a lot more challenging things in life that we don’t want to deal with just yet. That is the reason why I prefer to stay in school and decided to enroll in continuing education at the University. It will cost me a lot, but I decided that as long as I have a job, I will create another focus. I cannot have one focus in life, and it seems I failed in love or I don’t want it, then I will focus in education instead.
How long will this continue on?
I ask my self this every day, when will I find another focus? I seem to be eliminating one focus at a time and finding another. I inevitably got rid of any friends because deep down inside of me I cannot commit 100% to them like real friends do. And because I cannot, I just decided to end it or I will be a horrible friend to have. Why would a person continue to be a horrible person to others?
As for love, you see, I try, but when I try, my head tells me no. My memories keep telling me what is the point! He will love you now, but will get married to the next person, any person in a month later!
It’s funny, one lady at work who is about 50 has a boyfriend and 3 kids, and she asked me, “Mona, why aren’t you dating anyone!” I said, “The older I am, the pickier.” She said, “That’s true.” I said, “I had a boyfriend for like 6 years, I broke up with him, and 3 months later he got engaged, and 3 months after that he was married.” Her reaction was unbelievable. Her chin dropped and said, “What the fuck? Who the hell does that?” Then another lady heard that and gasped in shock. In the back of my head, I said, “Hmm, good thing you guys don’t know anything about the way Arabs think about love and marriages, because this is common in this culture of mine. To get married to someone you don’t know and a lot of times never met before or conversed face to face is not so shocking.”
Marriage is supposed to be a result of love, but many believe that love comes after marriage, or is developed over time. However, when it does not work out, divorce is out of the question, and they end up living a miserable life. Therefore, what is better? To wait until you are 100% sure, or get married for the sake of marriage and hoping it will work out and love is never a main factor?
Blah Blah, Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!
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This is the story off all unmarried people. Being Arab and unmarried in our age is not easy. Good luck finding love!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. But I would add, Arabs are sooo messed up!
@momoia
It is easy.. less headache and we seem to have less problems that married people do!
@Saffron
I wouldn’t say that Arabs are messed up. They are just confused and so “traditional.”
This is a debatable topic amongst Arab men & women. I personally know many Arab girls with your same situation, dates one woman than marries another… For as long as I could remember I hated Arab Men because of their twisted way of thinking “I love you but I would never marry you”… we, or I, forget to understand that Arab men are raised by their mothers! So who is to blame for the way they think??? Ofcourse us!!! My own mother has told my brother “if she confided with you she’ll easily confide and become intimate with any other man”… I was like WTF? It’s rediculous!!! And I fear in the future I might tell my son the same thing! And Arabs are not messed up.. people in general are messed up.. I have many non Arab friends who go through the same crap. Love is a complicated matter… the heart loves someone untill it knows it could have that someone……………
@Bint2l3rab
True!
Hm, lol mona i would love to marry an arab inshallah, but these stories scare me away sometimes. But you know what they say….. A person can be happy when he/she is in boyfriend/girlfriend mode. They could be dating for 7 years But as soon as they are married behind those closed doors, the truee them comes out. So technically you don’t necessarily know the person your going to marry untill you live with them correct? So I don’t really care for love in general if we are affectionate for each other enough to want to get married, then we will, love will come after…
I would indeed say messed up. No other culture has problems this deep regarding relationships— I know of so many Arab guys who do date around, do whatever, with nonArab women, and then marry some young Arab girl and treat her like she’s dispensable. Seriously, this is a culture that thinks divorce by texting is acceptable. Nobody cares about what religion says: Arab culture is sooo misogynist. I’m not saying other cultures don’t have problems, but at least they address them. With Arabs, everything is accepted and expected.
Could never tell our story better myself, your good!
Arab men blame us girls for every twisted thing they do, so I kinda started to reject the arabsociety cuz its making me sick, seriously…
this summer ill have to spend time with those morons for like 2 months and I already feel SICK! How Am I everr going to survive? on behalf of the men, the women will be like ”don’t do this, and don’t do that, you look like this and act like a &*^% I wish I could just tell them to *&^%$ off and abort me from their whole friggin society.. Sorry I’m just really mad..
@Jasmine
I don’t agree with your entirely, but everyone has their opinions!
@Saffron
Well said..
The divorce by texting is horrible!! I thought breaking up stories through texting was bad, but divorce!!
@Norah
Good luck enduring the culture.. just remember that you can count the days to leave!
i dont like to hear separting people.its enough that i had this experience but i was able to move on. its hard for the kids
Love may come or not after marriage.But can you take the risk that it won t come ever?Isn’t that such a high price to pay ?I can’t imagine such an existence as I see love as the engine of any human’s life.It may not last forever but when it is present forever doesn t even matter anymore.You’re simply happy every day to wake up next to the one you love and loves you back.
Signed: European happily married to an arab guy who doesn t live a double life
Thank God!:)
Here’s the thing Arab men never want to be put in this situation .. “Is that your wife? I thought I recognized her” …try to change a man full of pride …you can’t… and Arab men are 100% pride 0% shame and if anyone messes with their honor they’ll kill em even if it were their own sister!! (ei honor killings) … Plus the highly used quote amongst Arab “If your a man” ..their manliness (not the right word but watever) is constantly questioned.. another matter to understand is that Arab men have a hard time trusting people let alone trust a woman who gave him “her all”… My idea of it is why not marry a girl you screwed rather than a woman someone else did!
Hmmmm… I actually have a little bit of experience with this, only from the other side. Which i don’t really want to talk about, but I do want to say that I got some really supportive and helpful advice from an Arab guy who was encouraging me. And I had an Arab woman doing everything she could to sabotage me. I don’t think these things are ever as clear-cut as they seem. I would agree that in the west, relationships are much easier.
no they are not! it’s not what hollywood depicts it to be!! all those romance movies..he’s just not that into you-the proposal-b.s-b.s-100% fake tv crap!!! relationships are extremely hard wherever a person is….you gotta pick the person that not only pleases yourself but your friends and the people around you..parents-cousins-uncles…….. cause the whole \ill stand against the world for you\ isnt as easy as it may feel in the moment a person musters the adrenaline to say something like that! What about fate, your boyfriend trynna get your girl, cheating partner..etc etc etc …relationships make a person go apesh!t wherever in the world the relationship is happening!! @Craig
Arabs are NOT messed up. Most cultures have a tendency of de-prioritizing women, INCLUDING Western cultures.
It’s still important to wait. Marriage is supposed to last forever that’s why aside from being financially and emotionally ready, a couple must make sure they’re 100% in loved with each other before finally deciding to tie the knot.