Everyone please read this guest post!

“Okay, so I’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time, but haven’t gotten around to it until today because I assumed things would get better. But they haven’t. I have a big dilemma that I need help with and was hoping that you, the readers, would be able to shed light on my situation and guide me as to what to do. Here goes:

I am in my early twenties and have gotten divorced about a year ago. I was forced to move back in with my parents, against my will. I used to live in North America, but have now moved half way across the world to be with them. Basically, two weeks before I got divorced I assumed my life would resume the same way it had been going for the past few years; I had a job, friends, and lived in a city I love. The only problem with the situation was my husband, my now ex-husband, who I wanted to leave a few months after we had gotten married due to the many problems we had. I stayed with him for two and a half years. I wanted to try everything before giving up on this.

Anyway, so I thought, okay, I am going to get divorced and move in with my brothers, who still live at home (in North America) and continue with my life (this was the original plan my family and I decided). But two weeks before I got divorced my family presented me with the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make: stay living in NA without the support of my family, and basically be disowned by them, or move overseas and start a new life here. Of course, at the time, even though I badly wanted to stay, I moved. I felt like I had no option and I didn’t want to lose my family. They are Arab and Muslim and don’t think that it is right for a Muslim girl to be staying by herself, unmarried, without her family (technically I would have stayed with my brothers, but they didn’t consider that acceptable-even though they are mahrams). They are worried that the gossips back home wouldn’t ever leave me alone. I told them I didn’t care what people said, because I’ve learned through my tough marriage, that people will always talk no matter what.

So I packed up all my stuff, of which I had brought less than half of with me, and sold my furniture and everything else, and prepared to move. It has been a year, and I’ve been very depressed about being here. I am living in a foreign country amongst people who don’t understand me or even try. I left my life and have no job here (I can’t legally work here), I don’t go to school, and I spend my days day-dreaming about what if I had taken the other route. I talk to my friends on the phone, msn, whatever, but of course it is not the same. My parents don’t let me go out without their permission, and don’t let me see people who they don’t know. Basically anytime I make a new friend, I have to have them over for a meet-and-greet with my mom so that she approves of them, and lets me go out with them. I can’t stay out past 9 PM, nor can I get around without asking my dad for rides everywhere. There are no buses here and the only other form of transportation I can take is a taxi, which he doesn’t let me take. I feel trapped, spending most of my days wishing and hoping I can go back. Staring at the window looking at people going about their daily lives and not feeling as though I am a part of it. I sleep a lot, and am home pretty much 95% of the time. I don’t get along with my parents, but I came here to prove to them I am an obedient daughter. And they don’t even seem to realize the sacrifices I’ve made for them.

My whole life I’ve been controlled. First by my family, and being forced to be homeschooled in grade 8, after I’d already been going to a public school for most of my life. I fell into a deep depression which was only briefly alleviated when I got married. I married someone I didn’t love (we talked maybe three times before the marriage took place) and of course, it wasn’t surprising when it ended. He was always lying to me and cheated on me several times. And I only got married to leave my parent’s house thinking I would have a better life with someone (who I thought at the time) wouldn’t be able to control me as they have. My parents are typical Arabs and are very narrow-minded and don’t see my point of view on anything. They’re constantly making me feel like I’m a bad person because I disagree with them on a lot of religious matters, and they are constantly judging the way I look, act, and who my friends are. I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything to warrant this behaviour from them. But they’ve always been like this, and I was stupid to think they would change and be open minded.

Anyway, back to my present situation here…I feel trapped with no way out but the alternative my dad presented me with before I came here. If I leave, I will not be able to contact my family or have anything to do with them, and basically be disowned. But if I stay I feel like my mental sanity is at stake.

I’ve tried to adapt, for a whole year, but it’s been in vain, since my family doesn’t understand me or even care that I am depressed all the time. The only way I feel like I’ll get my life back is to leave. But I’m scared and worried that they’ll do good on their promise to disown me, and I will get punished for it on the day of judgement, for not listening to them. I need help, and if anyone knows of any alternative solution to my problem, I am all ears…Thanks for listening.”

Advice, Confused, Culture, Religion, They said what?

Part of me says that I should give it a chance, but my inner being and my bull headed brain says, “no, no, HELL NO!”

Yesterday, I was watching television and my mother calls me. She was holding the phone and talking to this women at the same time.

She tells me, “Mona, there is a guy, 29, Palestinian, Engineer Mechanical, and is from Hamilton. Do you accept?”

In my head, what is this, a men bazaar?

I hesitated for a second, but she said Engineer. No offense to any Engineer, but seriously, no. (BAD EXPERIENCES!) But if he was exceptionally gorgeous and very nice than maybe I will consider it!

Then I walked back to the living room and continued watching television.

After my mother finished her conversation on the phone, she comes and says to me, “How long you want to stay like this? How will you meet people?”

I said, “I am sorry, but I don’t like to be an object that people look at while they are window shopping for the perfect one. It is funny that they go look for girls from other cities. They couldn’t find any where they live? The big metropolitan area!”

She said, “So what will you do then? Stay like this?”

I said, “I am fine, I never complained, and I honestly am happier this way!”

She said, “His father owns a gas station and he works there too.”

I said, “You got to be kidden me even more! He couldn’t even get a job as an Engineer? DOUBLE NO!”

See what you can discover about people from not even meeting them? I am so prejudice and such a bull headed loser. Oh well, at least I am not divorced or living a miserable life like some people I know.

P.S. I know many of you will object to my messed up mentality and I am old and ancient, but I had very bad experiences in my life. Honestly, I rather be alone for a while because love is not something I want to experience again (ever really) without a good solid head thinking properly at the same time.

Blah Blah, Culture, Palestine, They said what?, Whatever!

I got an email a couple of days ago asking the following question:

“Why do Arab men marry a dozen women and have 100s of children? Arab women don’t protest about them doing so? Please gimme a reply or post about it on the blog if you have time. Thanks.”

1. It is Muslim men, not Arab men. Only 80% of Arabs are Muslim.

2. They marry up to 4 maximum.

3. If you are a guy and have the ability to keep one girl, then applause and a standing ovation to you my friend. If you can manage 4, then dear God! You must be super patient and can comply to too many demands. We love to demand!

4. Women don’t protest cause they have not been reading my blog. Shame on them! No, just kidden! I don’t really have an answer, but some women accept being the “other” lady.

Is this a way for Muslim men to no commit adultery?

I don’t know . Maybe back in the middle ages, but not in this modern age. Mmany men can’t afford to marry another girl, so he cheats. It’s the bad economy and expensive lifestyle of needing cell phones and unnecessary gadgets, cars, expensive furniture and stuff you know.

Anyways, good luck for those men that marry more than one. I salute your bravery for putting up with us ladies!

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

Life is stringing me along day by day and it has not been merciful. Either I try to fight for what I believe in, or die with shame for not trying.

This is part 1 of the series of Mona’s Discontents:

I have a strange mentality, but there is no point of me trying to change it, so I try to embrace its eccentricity. When I was a child, I never followed anyone. My parents didn’t even have to warn me about peer pressure or who I should not talk to. They knew well enough from my strong personality that I do not like walking behind anyone, doing something that everyone else is doing, or following someone else’s lead.  Over time, my personality has formed and lead me to be very patient, a good listener, and have the ability to make my own choices after I carefully studied them.

Therefore, I do not like people who live their lives following others. I cannot comprehend or even try to understand why they accept to live such a life. These people lack inner pride, they cannot make a decision without consulting someone else, and are in dying need for someone to boss them around. I do not understand why, and no way on earth can I live my life like that. How people can wake up every day to live life this way? I have no clue.

Why am I mentioning all this now? You see, I have met many two faced people in my life, and those two faced people are the ones that grab those suckers and make them their followers forever. Let’s say I want to hire someone now, who do I look for? Do I look for someone I knew in the past that I want to keep controlling forever because I am in a higher position now to do so,  or should I look for someone new and different that needs a chance in this world, or should I do hit two birds with one stone and teach the weak to stand up and make a change in their life and hire the new for a change of meeting new people in my life? I do not want to play it safe, because I love to take risks and have faith in other human beings.

Another example, there are many people that complain so much about their work or politics or government but they do nothing about it. Why is it so hard for someone to get off their ass and start doing something? Even if it is something so tiny and maybe not that magnificent, but it is a tiny spec of new hope and change. Blow up like me people! Complain! Say something! I did and look where I am this week? No one dares say a word to me now and I like it. I take charge because I am confident enough to do it, and my life is not worth being someone’s follower.

You may think I am far from arrogant.  However, I am discontent with the world around me, and I have higher expectations of myself and other human beings. This is the real me: patient, full of perseverance, and wants to lead and not follow.

Enough ranting for tonight. My eyes are aching, the heat is blazing, and I am tired of drinking over 4 cups a day of coffee.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Idiots, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Sleepy Post, Whatever!

I have no idea why Arabs love to throw around religion, politics, culture and everything in between in a mixed pot of manure. No offense to all the lovely people out there, but seriously, give it a rest my dear Arab friends. No need to keep fighting a roller-coaster battle over something that ends you back where you started.

My last post regarding the new Miss USA seriously stirred a long debate. I was trying to be specific regarding one issue. An issue regarding a girl who won, and my view point of what happened after she won from the reactions online. How the debate turned from religion to culture to politics is beyond my comprehension. The extreme view points erupted out of no where, and honestly, what were you trying to get at? Reading what you guys have been writing back and forth made my hereditary Arab temper erupt wildly.

In the past, I was blamed for being the most inconsiderate catalyst to such debates, and was the most hated Arab blogger out there. Now, I wonder if I have mellowed down so much the past few months that I cannot handle such a debate, or maybe I am not trying too hard.

So, let’s debate.

1. What do I think of Hijab?

Well, I am a moderate person in faith, but not extreme in either way. I love how women choose what they want to wear, but I will never reach that point in my life where I will ever consider wearing a hijab. My choice really, and I choose to be moderate in what I wear, and never wear revealing clothing to grab any attention. I dress respectfully because I want to.

2. What do I think of Arab leaders?

I live in Canada because of them.

3. What do I think of extremist Arabs that will never change their mentality?

All I can do is educate as many people as I can through my blog to view life from two angles. Therefore, they can make an educated judgment to open their minds to other possibilities, but keep their moral values that I cherish so much from this culture of mine.

4. Do we have a right to judge others?

It is easy for people to judge others so quickly. Put your self in their place and feel that inner emotional pain that they suffer from when you keep insulting them. Pretend you are me and you write in this blog. Pretend you get many emails a day and comments from un-welcomed irrational inconsiderate fools insulting you. Then imagine your heart breaking not from the words they have written, but why they wrote them, their lack of intelligence, and you knowing that the majority of human beings out there are like that. Yet, you keep on going and you keep on writing, because you are bestowed by God’s gift of faith and patience.

5. Do I even like Arabs?

Here is the million dollar question. I will honestly say that I cannot stand 95% of the Arabs out there. I don’t even like hanging out with them because they judge others, only care about themselves, and always mix points A, B, Z, E, back to A together for the sake of talking and not thinking. Oh, and by the way, I am not laughing. As for that 5% of lovely Arabs that I adore so much, they are the ones that stand up for themselves and think outside the box. You can find them here on my blog, or out there in the world trying to make a difference in their lifetime, and for the honour of Arab history.

So what are you doing to make a difference?

If I have to really sum up Arabs in one word, I probably couldn’t. However, I can imagine an unstable wave in their lives with all that inner tension and grief in the following symphony:

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Angry, Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!