Throughout history, the concept of management has been orchestrated in almost every project. Part of it is planning to reach a successful outcome. It’s getting from point A to point B. However, the hurdles that come along the way make the end point seem far from reach or impossible. If we have such problems in limited time projects, then how can we manage our life that has a beginning but an unexpected end date?

Many people that we meet in our lives are our hurdles. They are the psychological risks that we take in order to walk along a long vague path. Do we plan our path? We start planning it, or try to, but once we see this hurdle, we uncontrollably eliminate it to keep walking along that path. We note this mistake forever and keep on going.

This morning, as I expected, a certain question was addressed to me in the previous post. “Who is the most memorable person(s) in Mona’s life?” Funny.

If I had to mention the most memorable people in my life, then I would have to start with that annoying girl in elementary school that tattle-tailed on me to the teacher. Or that boy that spent a year calling me a teacher’s pet. Or that group of girls that were jealous of me talking to this guy (friends with him, no romantic interest what so ever), and making him stop talking to me or seeing me. Or that person that broke my heart. Or that girl who took advantage of my kindness and selflessness. Or that guy who ridiculed my ethnicity, religion and culture.

They successfully managed to pinch my cranial nerves and cause waves of severe migraines.

Wait. I think I was supposed to mention people that positively impacted me in some way, or have a good memory of them in the back of my head.

Thinking. Thinking.

I remember that homeless guy’s face that I gave money to on that cold windy day to buy something to eat and thanked me with all his heart as if I was giving him a goldmine. I remember that nice person who helped me solve a tedious computer programming problem for my class. I cannot forget that old lady that gracefully thanked me for helping her cross the street on a slippery snowy day. And I remember that person that complimented me for being the nice helpful person that I am.

I wish I knew or remembered what their names were. Alas, maybe it’s those nameless people that meant more to me than the people I personally knew in my life. Sometimes the unexpected passers by are worth more than those we knew that kept pushing us back from enjoying the journey of life.

Life. Even the most sought after project manager cannot plan to reach the deadline on time.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?

One day, I was walking down the streets and saw a group of young children blowing bubbles with all their might. I wondered why bubbles popped so quickly no matter how big, full of air, and sometimes mixed with saliva traces they can be. Surprisingly, there were barely any traces of the bubbles on the ground.

I looked at the bubbles as they rose in the air and died. It’s like imagining a soul going up to heaven and then suddenly gone that the naked eye no longer sees.

Is our soul like a bubble?

Enough of the whimsical feeling and relating one’s soul to bubbles. How silly is that? “Life is like a bubble, you never know when it is gonna pop,” as Mona sarcastically would say.

What has become of my life? I have been engaging in long endless conversations with that mind of mine. I have never in a million years thought I would end up like this, but then again, who knows what will happen tomorrow. I might fall on my head and wake up thinking that I was overthrown from my duties of being a leader of an underground rebellious cult. Do people still join cults? I think they are called Facebook groups in our modern world.

I will honestly tell you that no matter how much I criticized people living in a bubble because they don’t know any better, it will not justify my willingness to live in one. Yes my drear humble readers, I live in a bullet proof bubble. No intruders and no solicitors welcome. But why is that?

I have managed to eliminate everything from my life for the feeling of quietness. I cannot stand noise. I cannot stand people jumping down my throat and criticizing my every move. Till now, at my age, I still fight with my mother to leave me be. My mother has an instinct or uncontrollable driving force to criticize me in any way possible. I don’t blame her, I was the worst out of the three children she “tried” to raise. The middle child. The forgotten one that is only one remembered when I am needed, and forgotten because I keep secluding my self from the rest of the world.

I am alone in my world. I cannot control this strange joyful feeling. Yet, when one remembers me, it is like the whole world does too. That’s how much I value one person remembering me or thinking of me. Can you imagine so many others as well?

I am different than others. I even perceive others differently then what most people do. I value one’s thought process. I value one’s life from beginning to end. No matter who you are, you are worth that moment of everyone in the world knowing you. Ask your self this, who is the most memorable person you have ever met in your life? They don’t have to be highly intellectual or good doers. Just people. If you can remember such a person, then you are able to penetrate their bubble forever.

Surprisingly, I have a soft side to me as well.

P.S. Ladies at work described me as, “Sweet but edgy.” I wonder what gave them that idea? Hmm …

Advice, Blah Blah, Confused, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I went today to get an optometrist appointment. My optometrist is retiring and it seems a new guy is starting in June. So I didn’t get an appointment till mid June. Here in the province of Ontario, to get an eye check up is not free anymore like in the old days. So, the optician who does the appointments told me the price, then looked at me and said, “How old are you?”

I looked a bit confused of why he was asking my age, and I said, “29.”

He said, “Ah really, people who are under 20 get the checkup at a cheaper price.”

I said, “And you thought I was like 19?”

He said, “Yah.. I think people would think you are.”

I said sarcastically, “Great.. thanks.”

He said, “Well the new doctor is young and pretty good looking guy! So look out!”

I smirked out of disbelief and said, “ok!”

The guy better be good looking. I was promised!

Blah Blah, Funny, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

Sometimes I wish that I can start all over. I want to go back in that moment in time and change my life’s direction. Have you ever felt that? I know you have.

I keep saying that I don’t regret anything in my life. I live life with the philosophy that things happened and time to move on. However, it’s that feeling that maybe we missed something. Something happened and it shouldn’t have, and I could have controlled it. I wish I didn’t have that feeling, because I keep thinking it is not regret, but the big “if.”

I know I should be a bit more rational and realistic sometimes. I am known to be realistic, to the point and very blunt. But sometimes, my head is way out there. My imagination and feelings are far from reality. I think that’s the problem. I think that’s why I keep thinking that I missed something in the past that could have made my life different. I think that’s the weak point in one’s life where the unrealistic imaginative thoughts and actions cloud reality.

We have to be happy with what we have now and how things shaped up. However, that feeling of unsureness that pops out of no where makes you start questioning things that you should have long ago. So why now?

Is it that dim shadow of loneliness or that fear that things might get worse outlook? Is the future shaped on the past or can it be controlled and changed in direction when we want it to? I am not sure anymore. I learned to just accept things and live day by day, but when will I stop reiterating the phrase, “could have, should have, but didn’t” in my head?

Is this my way of admitting regret?

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed, Random Thoughts

Dear Lord! I have never been so exhausted. My life has become worse than studying for days to pass that damn discrete math final exam. I passed that course with an edge of a hair! Thank God that expensive piece of paper hanging on my office wall is worth all those sleepless nights. I call it the Discrete Math Degree and not Computer Science!

Anyways, what has become of my busy life; maybe a bit worse than Discrete Math! I think I make my self beyond busy in order to complain. Yet, once I am bored and I have nothing to do, I complain some more. When can I stop this never ending cycle of complaints?

If you have noticed, I haven’t blogged in days. Sunday, I was lazy and I did some reading. Monday, I worked on my project management assignment, and I did some coding for work at home. Yesterday, same cycle as Monday. However, this morning, I woke up, barely walked around the house and I was literally crying from my allergies killing me. Took some meds, but all day I felt irritated. I don’t know why.

Then when I got home, I was dead tired and I wanted to nap! But that is out of the question when the phone rings all the time and someone is always at the door!

I need a sloth like vacation, but not far away to a wonderful sea breezed island. I want it to be a vacation in bed. I want to spend days in bed and that’s it. I don’t want to even eat. Not even coffee! I want to sleep!

People

I know many of you have been emailing me. Some are thanking me for being alive and have a blog. Some honour me for the courage to be my self. (Yo, I keep it real!) Some complain about my old posts, (That’s why I limit the days the commenting is open for the masses.) And some, well, if they had my email address, then they would be sending me their pictures thinking I will look at them, or post them on my blog. Because somehow, my blog represents a dating site.

Do you see a little drop down menu on this site to search (male or female) and (age and location)? No.

Moreover, the most interesting email I got is from a guy complaining about religion. He was complaining about my religion and why Muslims are turning atheists. I don’t know. What do you want me to say? You want me to bring back old memories (link this old post), or should we continue on the never ending argument that if God exists or not.

Let’s put religion aside, and think about life.

My final reply to the previous question is the following: I cannot live my life knowing that human beings existed for no reason. I don’t want to believe that we evolved out of something else. Where did this something else (enter animal here) come from? Like it all goes back to where did everything come from? Some say bing bang theory, etc. But how did it all happen? Why did it happen, and for what reason?

I find it very hard to believe that life has no meaning, and we exist in this world for no reason. Do I believe in fate? I believe that some things we can control, but many things we cannot. I believe that people emphasize on far too many things, such as religion, culture, morals, ethics, etc, but forgot to look beyond all that and just focus on the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is simple. God, Allah, Yahweh, (higher devine power) put us on this little planet earth for pure amusement. He made us a little bit more intelligent in order to make something out of nothing. Do you see the trend here? Make something out of nothing. Before you were born, you were nothing. However, the moment you were born, you became someone. You grew, you started to create your own life out of nothing from before. What you do with it is your own choice, but you created it out of nothing.  You had a reason to create this life of yours to be something amusing for yourself.

Think about it now, stop asking why or how, and what’s the point. Just think of it as pure amusement. You can make your self cry, laugh, work hard, have no life, become a dead beat, etc. Therefore, if you cannot laugh now, laugh at the end. Life is an amusement park. Just go with the ride that you like, and don’t miss out on the cotton candy while you are there!

P.S. No matter how many arguments people throw at me, I still believe in God and my religion that explains some of the reasons why.

Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Religion, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!