I miss you

When days are crappy, and life is treating me badly, I turn to you.

I miss this blog. I miss the days that I spent writing once or twice a day, even 3 times a day my opinions about life. I miss the 3 or 4 am blog posts of ill thought posts that I found no regret in writing. I miss the days when I was bombarded with comments of people insulting me and telling me I am wrong. I miss the days when I receive emails from horny men providing me with their international numbers to call, but I never in my life have dialed out of the country.

I miss the days when I received stories from readers wanting my opinion or guidance with their problems. I miss the days that people sent me hate mail condemning me to the pits of hell for having such a “literally truthful” blog for the whole entire world to read.

The past few months have constrained my habitual writing. I feel that I am suffocating internally but I don’t know how to get it out. Is there really anything to discuss? I don’t know where to even begin. If I start writing how I feel, I will get the pessimistic readers telling me to shut up, and the optimistic readers telling me that life will be ok. Yet, will that help me?

I suffer from depression. I am not going to ever deny that. I take it lightly or I try to find ways around it. You can say I am an expert of putting that amazing big smile on my face, which I call the ultimate form of denial or facade, and just move on. That’s how I lived my entire life.

Now, as I am aging gracefully, I found out that everything that I have been thinking about in the past, and the bumpy life journey that I have been riding, is not worth the headache. The headache is caused by my uncontrollable drive to wanting more. And I know some of you will argue back, because some did in the past with me, saying that I should not bother and even have such a drive in life and just go with the flow. I call these people followers by the way and their entire life span amounts to nothing.

Anyways, I need to stop being mean, which I am. I am pretty selfish and careless and just put all my energy to focus. Focus is a big problem for me since my brain is all over the place all the time. So, I need to go back and focus on the main things in my life. Try to achieve the goals that I have set for my self, and stop caring about people.

People are the root of all problems, and vulnerable people like me get sucked into it faster than the speeding bullet.

By the way, for those people that have messaged me on Facebook and emailed me asking about my whereabouts, I know deep in your heart that you cannot sleep at night knowing I have not written anything for the day. Oh you, I wish we all lived in blog land, make our own beautiful world and live in peace.

P.S. Majority of Arabs piss me off. I just had to through that in it.

Confused, Depressed, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!