I wanted to close down my blog.
I have been leaving it alone for too many days that no one is looking out for it. I lost the drive to write anything anymore. I used to be very pro-active in this blogging epidemic. Unfortunately, as days pass, and my melancholy mood keeps taking over my being, anything that I write seems pointless.
I am not writing for you by the way. Yes you the reader. I didn’t make this blog to make you happy. I made this blog for me to talk about issues that affect me. It’s hard to do that when I am constantly bombarded by offensive comments and emails. All I know is, I am not making you read this. I don’t go around advertising my blog. I just write because it is my hobby.
Do you have a hobby? Does this generation have a hobby other than Facebook and SMS?
I like this blog. Every time I try to push my self away from it and think to my self that I need to grow up and stop writing, then something pulls me back.
Yes, I am talking now to my blog. It is me and my blog and no comments. You want to leave me a note, then email me. No comments.
My blog. I am suffering now from depression. It has been really bad the past few months. Don’t think it is about work. Work is just an excuse and a facade to cover up what I truly feel. You see, I don’t have a reason to tell the world my real problems. So I make up an excuse for smaller problems to be bigger than they are. I know people are sick of it, I am so sick of it, and the universe is sick of it.
Now, as time keeps wooshing by, I just look at my self in the mirror every morning and pretend to be happy.
It is hard since I cannot pretend to be something I am not. I have a really bad temper. That’s why I stay away from people and don’t like to talk much. I just cannot handle anything anymore that I seclude my self from the rest of the world. It is better believe me.
Also, I am happy being me. I am very satisfied with my self as long as no one bothers me. I don’t want people to ask me why did I said that, why did I do that, blah blah. I don’t want it. I grew out of it. I just grew out of everything. I don’t ask anyone, then they have no reason to ask me.
Fortunately, I sort of feel better today. I found this quote that I sort of like and got me thinking that maybe this is how we all feel.
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”