Well, this is not a dear Mona moment, but more of you know this is really your heritage type of email.

It’s quite interesting to read.

The email sender wrote to me,

Hi Mona,

I just stumbled across your site and found it interesting. My grandparents are from Palestine also, from a Christian village. We had DNA testing done on them and a lot of research into the land and people. You might be surprised that your heritage is more “Arabized” and less actual Arab. The people of Palestine are a very, very mixed group with a high percentage of European ancestry, Jewish, and other indigenous (non-Arab) people groups from the area. It was not until the 7th century that the Arabs from the south invaded the northern Levant. They spread their language and culture, but there was less mixing than you might have thought. From our research, we found about 25-35% European blood for my grandparents, and also ancient Hebrew, Canaanite, Roman/Greek, and Arab mixture. So, depending on how you use the word, you may be a lot less “Arab” than you thought! Not sure if that is of any interest to you or not, and of course, it does not take away from the culture, but I thought I’d share.

Well dear reader. You pretty much said things in this email that have been said several million times actually. I am Arabized. We all know that. Palestinians are NOT originally from the Arab peninsula or even mixed with them that much. That’s why many Arab countries don’t like Palestinian much and keep saying that we are Arabized. They all know the history. My people are so mixed because of invasions or different ethnicity rule, that we are everyone in one.

Isn’t that funny? All in one! Kind of funny coming from a person that is “Palestinian” and have roots from the HOLY land where the entire world kind of really came from. No real facts that I can base this on, but I am sure everyone in the past or throughout the decades has had relatives that have passed by that area and called it home.

No wonder Palestinians all look different. There are the olive skinned, the blonds, the red heads, the white skinned, the dark skinned, the blacks, the blue eyed, brown eyed, very short, very tall, and everything in between! These are my people! We are like the new world now. This new world, or across the seas western world is quickly becoming that!

I am not sure exactly if being an Arab means that you have Arab roots, but all I know that I speak Arabic. I have lived my entire life in an Arab culture and followed Arab traditions, and really, what does DNA stand for other than Deoxyribonucleic acid which a bunch of genetic code? Do these genetic codes when I was born automatically determined the language that I speak, the culture that I will follow and live by, and the people around me that will influence my future choices? No. DNA is just a Damn Neurotic Annotation.

Blah Blah, They said what?, Whatever!

Another dear Mona moment.. but this time, it is remembering things I didn’t want to. However, when I think about, it’s all in this blog. It’s like a permanent part of me now. I cannot remove it, and people will take it into consideration and ask me.

Confused Arab Girl said,

Hi Mona!

I have been keeping up with your blog for so long.. I even read the older posts! Hahha I feel like I can relate to the majority of them. I read your one post about your ex, and if I can remember correctly, he left you with no explanation? And later got married to someone from overseas?

Sadly I’m going through somewhat of a similar situation.. I went to school with this guy and he’s been trying to talk to me for awhile. At first I wasn’t interested, and didn’t want anything to do with him. He asked a mutual close friend to talk to me and convince me to give him a chance. I finally did, and we started talking here and there. Than our short conversations few times a week turned into long conversations daily! I honestly thought he was it, we had so much in common. And of course he told me things every girl would want to hear, but it all felt so real! A few months later, he stopped talking to me with no explanation! Weeks went on, then two months later, our mutual friend told me he was getting engaged to a girl from overseas. All those feelings came back, I was in complete shock! I never thought it would come to that, especially after everything he has told me. If he really cared like he said he did, why didn’t he tell me? Was I not worth an explanation? It’s killing me inside to just ask him what happened and why he didn’t just tell me. Had he told me before I don’t think I would be as hurt as I was finding out from someone else. My question is.. should I ask him what happened? Or is it not worth it anymore and just move on? It bothers me so much not knowing what happened, but would knowing what happened hurt me more? So confused!
I would really appreciate your advice!!

Confused Arab Girl

Dear Confused Arab Girl,

I know deep down inside of you you would like to know what happened. Not because you are afraid to get hurt, but you just want to know so you would stop thinking about it. Either way, he left you, you are hurt. End of story. Nothing more to do about it.

I am not sure how much you read, but my story escalated. You can say I found out what he did, no explanation other than being a typical Arab male, and I just forgot about it. A few months later, he contacted me after he saw me (took one glimpse), and then wondered what if. To me, if you are married, it is sinful to even think about someone else. If you are, then frigg, you should not be married at all. He even asked me to meet him for lunch to talk. I am like wtf!

You see, trying to know and getting an explanation or any reason why is pointless. The story ended. The red line has been crossed and that’s it. Anything past that line is pointless, hopeless, and it won’t let you move on with your life.

It is better to move on with your life and make any new choices that you can come up with. It may be new love, new career change, new everything, but you have to change in order to move on.

In my case, I am just preaching. I am forgetting, but I don’t want to deal with such a thing again. I guess after that I have become an incredibly patient person, beyond anyone’s belief, but I have serious temper problems. I blow up the second anyone crosses the line, and I rather just have my own space.

How long will I stay this way? I don’t know. One day things will change, but I guarantee you that being bitter sometimes helps you stop making wrong decisions and think twice from now on.

If anyone has a story or a question to share, please contact me and I will post it!

Advice, Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?

That you and I are right. Yes, you the voters!

So, let’s all pray that Arabs all over the world are united together and finally say, “I had enough.”

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Culture, They said what?

- Did that ever make you feel better?
- Did it make you feel worse?
- What are your thoughts of spilling the beans!?
- Telling it like it is?
- You just had enough and it triggered your most deep thoughts and you just exploded?
- Did you feel it was done at the appropriate time?

Any feedback would be stupendous!

Blah Blah

This is a pretty interesting post, and the writer emailed me asking for advice about the strange actions that Arab girls seem to have with relationships.

He wrote the following,

I just wanted to randomly say I enjoy reading your blog. I admittedly found the site by searching the ‘net for advice on how to handle dating Arab girl when I myself am not Arab.

A few years ago I hit it off with a girl an old college friend introduced me to at a small gathering. We exchanged digits and found each other exchanging texts like teenagers; eventually the texts turned into 6 hour conversations over the phone, and once in a while, a discreet cup of coffee. I had developed feelings for the girl, and her, for me, but she had mentioned before that her parents were very much against her dating anyone that was not Arab. I told her I didn’t care about that, and in a heated moment, she agreed, and we started dating. The first month or two was quite fun – we experienced your typical new relationship bliss, which of course was done in secrecy, but nonetheless, quite the experience.

Near the end of the two months, she was taking a trip to visit family overseas. I had known this was coming, and it didn’t really bother me, but the trip itself seems to evoke a bit of anger and apprehension in her and we had a few little fights via Skype while she was overseas. When she came back from the middle east, she was very irritable all the time, and so I gave her space; I knew she was apprehensive about the whole thing, with her having strict parents and me being not-Arab or Muslim. Our trips to the movies and random car rides became less and less.

The emotional distance as indicated, of course, lead to her breaking up with me. I shied away from her, but she kept asking if I would stay in her life, so for the first time, I made the exception and became friends with my ex. We still had long phone conversations and texted each other constantly; she even decided to kiss me a couple of times. I still have many emails in my work email’s inbox sent over the course of a few months. There were jealous moments on both sides – me talking to other girls. her parents wanting her to meet men with the prospect of marriage in mind.

The friendship was dismantled completely in about 2.5 months, however. The thing about this girl, Miss, is that she is in her 20′s, has not completed college, but sits home playing around on her computer 4-16 hours a day. I, myself, was raised to be very different and independent, and have been so since my teen years – so this lead to some conflicting views as well. One day, we had an argument where some heated and silly words were exchanged. What I said to her left a mark, however, and even though we made up, there was still some tension there. All it took was an argument the next month to end our friendship, when she made it clear she did not want to speak to me again.

I know everything, though rather truncated and vague, sounds senseless and dramatic – especially coming from a guy – but I digress: I can be a jerk, but I am also very sentimental. I think maybe I am sending this email because it brings a heavy hearted feeling that goes well with some scotch and an Iron and Wine song.

I’m curious, though, what makes someone risk their family’s approval at the beginning of a relationship only to give up so easily? I suppose it isn’t even fair to ask such a question. While this girl was not “the one that got away” or anything, I still ponder what could have been, and notice her absence from my life is still rather… well, noticeable.

Your [usually] energetic and witty rantings/posts remind me of her at her best, and while that may not be the most flattering reason, it is what keeps me coming back. So if you took the time to read this, thanks.

Question was: “What makes someone risk their family’s approval at the beginning of a relationship only to give up so easily?”

My answer: If a girl, especially Arab girls who have lived their entire lives being raised in a very reserved culture, trying different things, even though they are wrong seem to be ok for a little while. As long as they try, then in the end, when it becomes serious they do the following:
1. Start fights or arguments that are pointless.
2. End it without any reason because if their family knew what was really going on, then it is up to the family to marry her off to some stranger or unknown relative from back home, or marry her to the one she loves only if he meets all the criteria in their list.

I don’t know what else to say, but the risk that some Arab ladies love to take is their way of living life at the edge. More of an adventure and a secret they can hide in the back of their heads to the rest of their lives.

Oh well, I am not really generalizing, but I would be lying if a bit of adventure and risk taking to try new things is not part of it.

I guess if a non-Arab really wants an Arab, is like a wolf trying to catch a young lioness cub from its parents. Picture that!

Guest Post, They said what?