Feeling the need
I have never felt I needed to be proud of anything in my life. I always felt that I should be proud of just me, and that’s about it.
Then over time, especially for the past few weeks, I felt that I more than that. I need to represent something bigger and better. I have been getting overwhelming responses and comments from my blog, Twitter, and on Facebook of how appreciative people are of me. Not only that, I feel like I connected and I no longer have this huge façade between my self and the rest of the world.
However, today, I felt differently. I felt that I am happy to be outspoken. I am happy of my accomplishments in life and drive to succeed. As an Arab, Muslim, and Palestinian I am happy to represent those groups in any way that I can.
I may have complained a lot in the past, and I questioned far too many things about being an Arab, but I had my reasons and I never regretted a moment of it. I just want to be very successful and very happy without the cultural imposed ideologies that stand in my way and are questionable. I have this will power to represent my self and everything that makes me Mona. The immigrant, the Palestinian, the one who suffered so much growing up and moving from one country to the other, from school to school, the people surrounding me, the mentalities that hurt me, and from a different life to be accustomed to another.
I am stable now. A bit depressed still, but I have dreams, I have huge aspirations, and I am not giving up. I don’t want to give up anymore and I want to live my life knowing that I accomplished something and I represented something at a high level. It’s hard for many to understand my drive and energy. It is not selfish, but I want to be something. I want to be different, opinionated, and holding the largest whatever in my hands without some one or anything stopping me.
I am tired of being pushed around, looked down upon and doubted, and frankly speaking, I am tired of an image imposed by everyone else on me. Only I can make that image and then you decide. I think it is only fair no?
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I looove FouseyTube!! All of his videos are... 
It seems that changes are happening quickly for you. No so much the external things, but rather things in your identity. Part of you does not want this change as it is unfamiliar and their is probably some conflict that is stirring up a lot of emotion. Just accept who you are and let it be…..don’t try to change just let if flow. I and many other of your fans are your fans because we like you just as you are.
@Robert P
I am not against change or experiencing any type of change. I want to better my self and progress in life in any way possible with the use of my current talents, etc.
And thanks for being a fan, kind of weird to have fans, but I call you guys loyal open minded readers!! How about that!!
Way to go. You have accomplished a lot in your life, be proud. We all have doubts but we learn to deal with them and if some linger, so what just bypass and move on.
Good Luck
I stumbled across your blog through Entrecard and I really love it!
We all have fears of not achieving our goals. Don’t let your failures prevent you from moving forward.
@Oussama
yep.. I deal with them and move on.. that’s life!
@Kate
Thank you so much!!
@Larry Ellis
I don’t have fears anymore, I am more persistent than ever, and if I give up now, I might as well just quit trying and just at home and do nothing with my life.
aren’t you afraid you will attract the notice of moslems who will be opposed to your westernized approach and decide you shouldn’t be thinking or acting like this anymore?all societies grind toward the future with their brakes on, but the moslem one stays in the past by institutionalizing and promoting repression/ violence. have you ever been challenged/threatened? personally, i’d be afraid to identify myself as a “progressive” moslem woman who writes about relationships, men, modern concerns. seeing as how moslem men behave
What do you mean it’s not selfish??…of course it’s selfish, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Selfishness drives us…we are selfish beigns, even before we had brains and oposable thumbs:))…selfishness ends up in competition, and competition ends up in evolution. So you say you’re tired of acting…and putting on fake masks, then aknowledge your selfishness and live with it cause its the greatest thing you’ll ever have.