Why are you afraid?

I will tell you a little story of how a very quiet girl evolved to this!

I was very shy. I couldn’t talk properly, I couldn’t put my thoughts together in coherent sentences, or knew how to talk in public, or to others, because I just had this incredible amount of fear inside of me. I felt that whatever I say I will be judged and ridiculed by others. I felt that I had to portray my self in one and only one particular way and that is it! I lived that life up to my mid 20′s and then something changed me. I no longer liked me.

We all battle our inner selves, but it is only natural. However, in my case I was actually ridiculed for the most mundane stupidest unmentionable things. I didn’t know why or understand the reasons behind it, then one day, I put 1 and 1 together, and I realized that this is my life living in an Arab world but not on Arab soil.

Arab mentality drove me to the limit of insanity and extreme depression. Till this day I say, “whatever, YOU ARABS!” Don’t get me wrong, I do love being an Arab with high morals and great fundamental values. I appreciate that and I would not trade my culture or ever want to be someone else. I am grateful, but some things did not play well with me. I had to just end it right there and convince my self that this is not right. Who said it is right to begin with?

I am never going to try to change my roots. Never ever. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

But how did I change? When did I change? What helped? What didn’t?

I will not say this blog helped. This blog was a side kick to end the problems. It was more of a tool to find a solution and learn from others. I talked to the most incredible people and I have read the most intriguing stories from Arabs that helped me figure out what the real problems were. I know what the problem is now, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why most of you, although you know what so many of the problems are, cannot focus and tell your self that you had enough.

I am not telling you to stop or deny who you are, but I just want you to realize that you cannot continue living your life based on a culture instead of living your life based on YOU! Yes you!

This is my advice and I want you and I will be making it my mission in life is to make sure that Arabs break out of their shell. Break out of that multi-layered very thick Arab infused mentality of thick moldy exterior and wake up. The world around you is totally different and keeps changing, but the principles and habits are all skewed, and cannot keep sustaining you in this world. You will just end up being frustrated and angry all the time, as we can see now in the middle east. Just break that shell!

As I mentioned earlier, making this blog and writing in it since 2005 was really hard. However, it took me 5.5 years to break out of the shell. To be me, and not care about this person, or this mentality, and I just go up to anyone now, even a stranger and I can have a conversation. I can just say hi with my head held high and not care what they think of me or who I am or what I look like that day or why I even talk to a non-Arab or even another random Arab. I don’t need to justify everything, I just do it! Just do what you think you can do. If God judges us all individually, then why do we all have to live our lives the same way and judge each other collectively?

That’s why earlier in my previous blog post today I asked others if they can contribute something meaningful, truthful, honest, and can help others as well. But I found so much resistance from other Arabs because they were afraid to think or even break out of their shells. They are content. Fine. As long as you are happy, then that’s wonderful. But I know deep down inside of you, you wish you were someone else. Isn’t better to just be you then living in some dream. Don’t you think?

Angry, Blah Blah, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!