Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I usually don’t like writing from work, but it is lunch so what the heck?

I am confused and lost in my own doing. I don’t really know how to express it in a way that is not too personal, although it is my blog, but I feel I need to refrain from being loud sometimes. Hence, that is the reason I don’t write too much.

Well, forget the above and what I said. Let me analyze something else, but it may seem a bit biased. I see that the majority of people that comment on my blog are not Arabs. I have nothing against anyone, but I agree, my older posts did seem that they are leaning towards the culture and not agreeing with its customs. That seems to attract those individuals. As of late, I don’t write much regarding it at all. Why should I?

I have out grown it and I live a very neutral life style. I don’t let Arabs effect me. I don’t live by their rules. I have lived in North America for 2/3 or more of my life. Why should I make it the highlight of my daily life? It is amusing sometimes, but it is just people and a culture.

Am I labeled as one? Well yeah! I like others to know I am Arab. I am a narcissist of being one, but only cause I look the part. I am pretty conservative in nature, and it has nothing to do with my culture. That’s just how I am, and each individual is different and unique in their own way.

I am looking back now at my life, and over half the stuff I don’t even remember or want to be reminded of it. I don’t have any regrets or wish things turned out differently, but there is this feeling inside me that keeps asking, “What I have done to deserve this?”

One last note: Like my new Facebook Fan Page! https://www.facebook.com/officialrebelliousarabgirl/

Yesterday, I decided I was in dire need of a new pair of black work dress shoes. Nothing fancy, closed front, and not extremely high. They are just typical shoes! Anyways, I went to many shoe stores at the mall, because it seems that spring has somehow dissipated and hello summer! I didn’t want sandals or open toe shoes. I just wanted normal shoes! Why is that hard to find?

Every time I went to a shoe store, I asked the sales rep for the same thing, but no. However, one sales lady some how started asking me questions like, why you want them for? Why not high? You want flats instead? Then she asked me twice, are you a waitress? I didn’t reply the first time nor the second time. I was wondering why she asked that. Then my mom started talking to me in Arabic, and the sales lady said, “You Arabs, I am too!!”

I was like oh God! Mom! Let’s get out of here now. Every shoe store seemed to have some Arabic owner or Arabic sales rep that figures out we speak the language. If you all know me, then I speak and reply in English so no one knows or starts asking me the same old question:

“Which Arabic country are you from?”

It’s already a shocker that a girl is in Information Technology. You won’t believe how many interviews I have been in where the interviewer says, “Oh wow, a girl in IT!” Like I am such a weird freak that looks nothing like an IT professional. I feel like I should hide in a whole with Internet connection and no human contact to avoid being asked the same stupid questions. I swear that over 50% of the people out there need a reality check.

Shoes that I have purchased that are normal and for work from The Bay.

One last note: Like my new Facebook Fan Page! https://www.facebook.com/officialrebelliousarabgirl/

A lot of people asked me why I decided to go with a simple theme and leave my dark rebellious theme to a thing of the past. I don’t know. Maybe it makes me feel better? I feel less rowdy. I felt like I was holding to some expectation of what others thought I was. Yet, I am not like that. I do have some stern ideas and very stubborn, but I wanted for others to look past the theme and read my words.

Currently, I am at work and bored. This is the first time ever I am not doing anything, but I actually decided to not do anything. I dread Sundays. I hate Mondays. And I count the days until it is weekend time. It’s like a never ending cycle.

Now, I am starting my course. The final one that will take me 12 weeks of constant focus until I finish it. I realized that some people struggled in the past courses. I thought I did too, but when I look at my A average, and wonder what the heck people are talking about, it made me realize that maybe I am a teeny bit smarter than them. Or I think I am, but I try. I sleep on it and barely read, and I get the assignments done on that same day! I should be shot because I am a procrastinator and I will never learn!

Anyways, my last Project Management course where I have to apply my project management knowledge, and actually create a project, research, and write an in-depth report about it. Anyone care to help me?

I will sleep on it.

I know, I am lame! I am promoting the Social Network! However, it is better than emailing me, and I get to post random stuff during the day. I find things on the net that I like to share!

Like my Facebook Fan Page! https://www.facebook.com/officialrebelliousarabgirl

I may be the most patient person in the world!

Not, but I try to be. I have seen a lot, and I am refraining from seeing and feeling the crap all around me because honestly why bother? It has been so long, and such a tedious journey that there is no point of waiting or hoping. I don’t hope for anything anymore. I don’t wish for anything either. I am just living day by day. I try to stay calm, cool, and live life the way it was meant to be.

I just ask my self at that moment, why me? Why do I have to endure such a life and for whom? I am doing nothing for my self, no one cares or wants to know how I feel. I feel that everyone is trying to use me in some way, and I cannot say no. Why can’t I say no?

All I know is that I am not my self, I am a transe living a life that I don’t want, but at the same time, I can’t get out of it.

P.S. I hate Mondays!

One last note: Like my new Facebook Fan Page! https://www.facebook.com/officialrebelliousarabgirl/