Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I have been getting a lot of emails lately that I notoriously ignored that ask me one thing, “How to deal with Arab men?”

Well, if you are not Arab, good luck fitting in and for his mom to accept you.

If you are an Arab, good luck getting his family, especially his mom, to like you.

Otherwise, I really don’t know. Arab guys are too complicated that little old me just don’t get it. No wonder I am single. It’s like putting two opposed celestial planets in one room. Men are from Mars, and I am from an undiscovered place beyond dwarf planet Pluto.

What I did today was the following: I left work at around 11:30 am and headed to the near by mall and went to Bulk Barrel. I bought 3 kinds of chocolate. I paid about 12 dollars and left. I locked my self in my office again at work and kept eating non stop until I got sick of it. I never in my life ate that much chocolate or even crave the taste of it at all. I don’t know if it is the sugar rush or nausea I felt afterwards, but my anxiety level was at an all time high. I never felt like this before.

I stopped because I felt sick, then I felt like I wanted to murder someone.

I am at the edge and hanging by a thread. Dear God help me.

I was asked the other day if I had any dreams, but what can a person like me dream of? A person like me has many dreams, and I don’t have one dream only. Mine is sequential and one dream would lead to the other. That’s how I measure dreams for me. I think it is a bit slow and boring, but I know once I reach that first dream, the rest will follow and I may end up a happier person as a result.

I really need to stop writing from work, and I need to concentrate. I haven’t done so in forever, but my mind is clouded now with so many things. I need it to stop and go back to the way it used to be. I try to always look back and say, “Wow, I was better!” Was I better? Or maybe I was at a stage in my life that I think is better than now.

Only time will really tell.

Well, from all the craziness in my life, do I feel soft and need of company?

I guess I have been alone for so long, that it is nice to talk to someone and get them engaged in your conversation. I don’t know if I will ever find anyone who cares and wants to be with me ever. Plus, in Arab standards I am way too old. Makes me giggle at the thought. Good thing I don’t look or act my age at times.

I don’t know. Sometimes people tell me that I will find the one, blah blah, but when? Am I realizing now that I am waiting and nothing. I know deep down I probably want a life or my own to share with someone, but who wants to understand me or want to listen?

I think I am just dreaming and waiting for nothing. A girl can dream at least. Makes me happy at just the thought.

I tried many times to see what others are seeing, but what do I know? I am exactly what others think I am, but I am in denial or cannot see it. I didn’t have to try so hard. I managed to brush the thought away, and I tried many times to make them believe, but I think my judgment has clouded my vision. I see a sand storm and I just don’t know which direction to go and I am good enough for A or B… or even Z.

I will just sit, watch, and wait. Things have to change. Why aren’t they changing? The thought is making me cringe!