Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Today is the first day of Ramadan. So Ramadan Kareem to all! I am going to do something different and it is the hardest thing for me to do.

I will do the unthinkable and only think positively.

Hard. Very hard.

I have been contemplating this for a while now, but in the end of the day I don’t really care. I am not gonna live my life pretending I am some one I am not, but seriously?

Do I come off as a person that should be hated or am I misunderstood that others label me as “Stay away from her!”

What do you think my lovely audience, or did I open up a can a worms?

I love liars.. they are just what the world needs, a bunch of people that can’t be honest and say a bunch of crap to earn glory.

Where do I even start? I think I lost it and I would rather be left alone. That way I won’t be hurt or bother with people. I figured out that I will never be happy and there is no point in trusting others at all. I will just live a life with a faked smile and total inner hatred of everyone around me.

Why did I become like this you may ask? Simple. Nothing planned works! What’s the point anyways? I took Project Management and suffered for two years, and nothing. Nothing I plan for or hope for remotely works. I am just dead tired. For the first time, I will just let faith play a roll and whatever will be will be.

I am just tired and I have no idea what’s the point of my life.

I love this blog.

Enough said. That is a horse of crap you did not want to hear. Oh so many concerns by people. I am not a bitter old woman. I may act like it, but that is the result from being around assholes for far too long.

I swore on my blog. I have not done that in a long time. It feels oh so rebellious.

I am not angry, or sad, or frustrated. I am just concerned about my mental and my health well being. It is hard to surpress so much emotion in you. One day I will explode. I am just igniting the fire every time I feel like yellow or blue or red is my colour.

What does all this mean? Well, I talk or express my self in words that make some sense to a few. Only a few get me. I am the most complicated person that you will ever meet. I am quiet, I am judgemental, and I think far too much. Who wants to be around me?

I will have a heart attack before I am 40.

I am living day by day in disbelief. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I feel that life is a roller coaster. I don’t know if it will spin me, move me up and down, or go fast or slow.

I gave up. I just gave up.