Today is the first day of Ramadan. So Ramadan Kareem to all! I am going to do something different and it is the hardest thing for me to do.
I will do the unthinkable and only think positively.
Hard. Very hard.
I'm going to be calm and cool,
I’m going to be calm and cool
A very happy Ramadan Kareem, filled with peace, love and serenity to you and everyone
Ramadan Mubarak
Wishing you a happy Ramadan and the best of skill in remaining positive.
The End of the World is Nigh!!!
Ramadan kareem.
Meyric,
contd….
“Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful.”
“Never talk and think defeat…(negative–heart attack at 40) Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory.”
There is a good amount of power in what words you use. If you use negative words you tend to feel more negative and find more negativity in your world. If you use positive and uplifting words you tend to feel those emotions. This may sound a bit corny or silly, but when you get into the habit of actually using more positively charged words you find that it affects your mood and outlook on things.
Hi, I just found your blog and I must say I like it! You think like me on a lot of issues and so I feel comfortable posting this on here. I don’t know if this is the right place, but this is your most recent update so hopefully you (or anyone really) sees this and I get a reply.
I am an Arab girl, born and raised in Canada. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think that I had a good childhood and my parents are nice people, even though pretty conservative. We are religious, I wore full Hijab since 5 years old (now 22)and I never complained. Never partied or did drugs or anything, not really because my parents forbade it but more because I knew that it was wrong. 4 years ago I met a guy, we hit it off instantly and became friends. Overtime we became closer, to the point where he was my best friend, the person I could share everything with. Anyways long story short is, he eventually told me he liked me and I told him I liked him and although I was reluctant to get into a relationship at first, he reassured me we wouldn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. We have been dating over 2 years now and I am completely in love with him, he is the man of my dreams. I cannot imagine life without him, and alhamdulillah he loves me just as strongly as I love him, we love each other more than we love ourselves!
It’s gotten to the point now where I want to marry him and he wants to marry me. The relationship has been a secret because although my parents are nice, they are very conservative and would never allow me to have any relationship with a boy. So that alone makes me nervous, I don’t know how I am going to tell them that I was secretly dating for over 2 years. Not only that, but he is not Arab. My parents always talk about how they are going to find me a nice boy from Saudi, but I don’t want to marry a guy from Saudi, I love my boyfriend and only want to marry him. And if that wasn’t enough, he also isn’t Muslim, and even though I talked to him about this before, he says he will never convert and I do accept him for who he is, I just know though that my parents are a completely different story.
If anyone on here could help me out I would be forever grateful, I love my boyfriend and want to be with him and I do want my parents blessings for our union, but if they don’t agree, I don’t know what I’ll do. How do I break it to them?
Thank you!
@fatima,
You have two choices
1) Leave Islam and marry your boyfriend
2) Leave your boyfriend if he is not willing to convert to Islam and stick to your faith. There are over half a billion Muslim men are there for you to choose–> one.
If you are pretending to be a hijabi muslimah (fake muslim), ignore this.
Ramadan kareem to you all,
@ Fatima,
In my family we went trough the exact same situation.
My parents are also pretty conservative muslims.
my sister met a non muslim non arab guy & fell in love
so after a few years she told my parents she wanted to marry the guy, to my parent’s dismay.
I must say i had never seen my parents hurt before as i had then. Elhamdollilah they have accepted the entire relationship. Parents love their kids uncunditionally believe it or not. We never thought this was possible but elhamdollilah my parents realised sooner than later that their daughter’s happiness is important too.
Eventually parents only want for their kids to be happy.
It’s a big step to take, so i can imagine how scared you must be especially since ur rather young.
my sis now has a beautiful lil baby boy which my parents absolutely adore!! he’s the apple of their eye! spoiled rotten by mum & dad.
In our arab/Islamic culture we are almost taught to be scared of our parents, when that shouldnt even be the case.
Perhaps you should speak to your siblings about it first?
My sister first told us & obviously we were thrilled & happy for her but at the same time scared of mum & dad’s reaction.
Perhaps the fact my siblings all accepted the non muslim in to the family made it a bit easier for mum & dad.
Im sure if my dad had his way he wouldve opted for an arab son in law. But i dont think they are necessarily better.
I wish you all the luck hope it all works out for you.
@ turemsg
what kind of stupid remark is that
the options uve given the poor girl are ridicilous!
how can u even propose for her to leave islam.???
and who are you to judge if she’s a good muslim or not???
seriously some people say the illest of things!
Thank you for the replies guys. @turemsg, I will neither leave Islam or my boyfriend. No one can make me choose between them, not even my parents.
@Kiki, thank you for the wonderful reply
I’m glad everything worked out for your sister and hopefully it is a similar happy-ending with me. I have 2 siblings, one younger sister and a younger brother, sister is 20 and bro is 18. I’m very close with my sister and I think that if I told her she’d be happy, but as for my brother, well you know how Arab Muslim guys can be, very overprotective, acting like they need to get into a fight with any guy that even talks to a female in their family. That’s my brother, he’s a lot like my dad so I don’t think that he’d accept, maybe if my bf was an Arab Muslim, but definitely not a non-Arab non-Muslim guy. My mom is the wild card because I have no idea how she’ll react. She, like my father, always talks about me getting married in Saudi, but I also know that she has a soft spot for me in her heart and if she met my bf and found out what a nice and wonderful guy he was, how happy me made me, then maybe, just maybe she’d be okay with it. Unfortunately, I also know that she won’t go against my father 
What should I do? Tell my sister? Then what?
My bf and I have also talked about how we’d raise our future children. He has said that he will never become Islam, and like I already said, even though I didn’t really like it at first, I’ve come to realize that I love him for who he is, and I wouldn’t change him at all. So with that being said, we’ve agreed to raise any future kids with knowledge of Islam, but also knowledge of other religions as well. We want them to be tolerant of other faiths and realize that just because other people pray different from Muslims, doesn’t mean that they’re doing something bad. And also, in our house, we will celebrate all the holidays, Eid, Ramadan, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving etc… We both think that it is a marvelous idea, but again, don’t know how it will fly with my parents. What do you think of this?
Thanks! Your post helped a lot
Hi Fatima,
your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy,and I must agree I think the way you’d raise ur family is a great idea indeed.
whenever we were too scared to ask dad for something ,she would instead & voila mission accomplished we’d get what we want. 
I do however suggest for u to slow down a pace,(for now).
Have you ever tried speaking to your mum about marriage in general? and perhaps about marrying outside the arab race?
“hypotheticaly speaking” ?
Communication is very important, especially if you want to get your views & beliefs around.
My mum is a very easygoing woman & has always communicated everything with us, so for us to turn to her is a rather easy step. She’s the negotiator
However marrying off a non arab/non muslim was even in her books a definit no!
But time ( and i must say very little time) made her realize that the guy in question wasnt all that bad & that her daughter deserved to be happy.
My brothers were very accepting of the idea, perhaps because of what they’ve seen, marrying of a non arab is in their books not such a big deal anymore.
If your planning on telling your parents,you have to go at it with caution, you cant just drop the bomb on them.
You’re also very young, I can imagine your parents might see that as a way of denying you stuff, cause they might still see you as a kid. Dont get me wrong im not saying you should forget about your boyfriend and move on but I do want you to think twice before you actually do anything.
Not all relationships are meant to last, and if this guy is definitely the one for you then I wish you all the luck but do realise that you might hurt ur parents & suffer yourself for the cause of nothing.
I know many interracial relationships that havent worked (in the long run)
Once you have kids it gets even harder. Especially if one wants to raise them as muslims & the other one wants a total different upbringing.
I know you think you have it all figured out but I just want you to realise that in practice it isnt all so glorious.
I Really hope it works out for you, you seem like a very nice girl & i wish you all the best.
Ofcourse if your boyfriend would “convert” for you then that would be one step closer for u to achieve ur goal…
Another thing, and again, it’s not to make u ditch your boyfriend but merely as an extra guideline.
Try and write down what ur having to give up in order to be with him and do the same for him. What does he have to give up to be with you??
I dont want to break u guys up only want to make u realise that relationships can only work when both parties invest the same amount.
Anyways that’s my opinion I’m sure ur a clever girl
goodluck & hope all works out for u insh allah!
Thank you so much! I think I’ll wait a while before telling them, maybe a year or so. It’d give me more time to reflect on the relationship, plus like you said, I can’t just drop the bomb on them at once. I should slowly start talking to my mom first about the possibility of marrying a non-Arab guy, then if that’s good, about marrying a non-Muslim guy.
My boyfriend is actually going through the same thing. I will make the actual list later, but right off the top of my head I know that his parents, like mine, only want him to marry a girl of the same beliefs and same race. He isn’t white, he’s Punjabi, and his family is Sikh, and even though they don’t keep their hair and they aren’t baptized or wear turban or any of that stuff, they still have strong beliefs and love their religion. So he too is compromising on the issue of how to raise the kids, because I know that instead of being with me and having to deal with all these problems, he could have easily gotten into a relationship with a Punjabi Sikh girl and his parents would have accepted right away and no hassle. But I know he loves me because he has stood by my side even though I told him that we’re in for a roller coaster ride, and he agreed that if I am the mother of his children and I am Muslim then he wants the kids to know about his mom’s beliefs, not just his own, hence his decision to teach the kids about religions other than just Sikhism. Plus he himself is very much integrated into Canadian society and is proud of this country and he wants to also celebrate all the Canadian holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving etc… because he, like I, feel that joy and laughter and celebration and being with a loving family are the most important things in life, so the more the festivals the merrier!
Anyways again thank you for your wonderful help. I’ve had a couple of people call me a horrible person for even thinking about marrying a non-Muslim and even thinking about allowing my children to be open to multiple faiths, but I know that I’m making the right decision and I know that no matter what problems we may face, my boyfriend and I will overcome them together!
Thank you
Your more than welcome Fatima
And when it comes to other people just ignore them
people often have no clue of what they’re saying & judging others is so easy for them to do.
In this day & age you cant not be open to other faiths, we live in the west so we are definitely going to meet people & befriend people from different races & religious beliefs.
I went to a catholic school growing up yet im still muslim,I have friends of all beliefs doesnt mean I forget ALLAH.
Forget those narrowmindend idiots, you seem to have a good attitude towards life which is very important & that too comes with faith! Allah never said to go around judging & hating people simply cause they’re different, something arabs tend to forget!! After all Islam is a religion of peace