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A new me?

A visitor wrote:

“Just had my annual look at your blog. (Not really annual, but it’s a rare visit.) It’s strange… your blog is repetitive, you’re usually unhappy, and yet somehow you’re very likable. Maybe it’s because you’re spirited and honest. I can’t tell if you’re doing something wrong in life, or if you’re just experiencing a “normal” level of dissatisfaction, and you’re just unusually frank in expressing it.

I have been thinking whether I have any “advice” for you. You know, something to say that could be constructively useful. For jobs, I have no clue. I sometimes also visit the blog of ——, another woman in IT, and she just moved to Sweden and loves it, so maybe that’s the answer? And for relationships, well, I have an outrageous suggestion: Become a dominatrix. Yes, I know it’s completely against your values, and if you actually did it, maybe it would just introduce a whole new type of catastrophe to your life; but… I think you need some lateral thinking in that department. You’re holding out for true love and a soulmate in a culture dominated by online hookups. You might end up happier if you resigned yourself to “serial monogamy” like most other women on Earth.

Or, you could just stubbornly remain fixed in your identity and grow old as an I.T. spinster. That’s what freedom to choose means – even the freedom to make the bad choice and stick with it! Because at least it would be *your* choice; an aspect of your life that you and only you had the chance to decide.

Well, that’s the end of this year’s attempt to be wise. <3″

Umm…. where do I even begin to answer this? How would you answer it?

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10 Comments

  • He may have point about rethinking your ideas on love. I don’t suggest you go for being a dominatrix but I would suggest you broadening your horizons in the choice of men you consider acceptable. You only want to date Arab Muslim men but let’s face it they are small minority of the men in Canada. You think you will not find happiness with a non-Muslim born, non-Arab man but you never know until you try. You might find you perfect mate with a guy with a name like Kevin MacDonald. You just don’t know until you try and there are always guys willing to convert to another religion for love. If you just limit you choice of men to only Arab men in Canada then you are fishing in very small waters indeed and could very well end up an old spinster.

    As for your job you might want a change in career. Most people don’t have one career over a life span any more. They have several over a life time. You might want to go back to school or learn a trade and transition into another career preferably one where you are not sitting in front of a computer all day. There are other careers out there that you might find more fulfilling. Have you ever thought of being a physiotherapist? It is something to look into. You should do some research into other careers in your spare time maybe job shadow somebody for a day to get an idea of what their job is like. It is just a thought. Only you can change your life for the better.

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  • Muslim girls can only be with Muslim guys.

    Hmm.. a career change? Hmm..

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  • I need Arabs to comment here as well.. maybe I am not the only one and other people who are non-Arabs just don’t get it.

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  • “Muslim girls can only be with Muslim guys.”
    That’s from a religious view! Do you personally believe in it and accept it?

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  • I get the fact that you can only marry a Muslim but there is no reason why that guy has to be Arab. There are Muslims out there that are non-Arabs. There are people that are Bosnian Muslims, Malaysian Muslims etc. There are even people who are of British decent that have converted to the Muslim faith. There are plenty of people that date and marry outside their ethnic group. It’s very common for people to do that in Canada. It is not weird at all. My cousin married a woman of Chinese descent and had two lovely boys with her and he is very happy.

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  • @Doomish
    Yes!

    @Sapphire
    I like Arabs.. sometimes they piss me off though.. but why not a different ethnicity.. if my parents don’t go crazy.. Did I mention they prefer someone from the same village?

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  • Well they are not the ones dating and marrying the person you are and it ultimately is you who has to live your life the way you see fit. They are not always going to be around and you don’t want to be an old spinster. If they care anything about you they will be happy when you have found someone you love enough to marry regardless of the village they came from or what ethnicity they are. I suspect they will be relieved when you do finally find someone you love enough to marry that they will overlook the fact that he might not come from the same village or tribe as they do.

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  • I’m not going to repeat my notions.

    But yes, I probably will never get notion of limiting your pool of people to hang out with. To marry yes, but to befriend, no.

    I feel like you should go to a whole bunch of meetups, parties, and other social events and chat up everyone.

    Have coffee with everyone who asks you. That is coffee, only, and share your stories and listen.

    This is the route to jobs and to handsome, Muslim, Arab men! :)

    As always, wishing you the best. I know you will post that you really did get married, finally.

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  • The words you say remind me of me when I was single. I got tired of looking for someone else and feeling desperate, so I started looking at myself. I think when you are ready they will come.

    I believe that 90% of getting a job is attitude. If you have confidence in yourself and your abilities, that confidence is apparent in your interview.

    For both Love and Carer you need to believe in yourself.

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  • Generalizations aside, Arab guys aren’t worth befriending or marrying.
    They expect a saint for a wife. God forbid she dares orgasm or express wanting to. She is, automatically, a slut. The nonsense I hear in coffee shops would give a volcano chills.

    Guy A: “After I was done, the b*tch asked for another round.”
    Guy B: “That good, eh?”
    Guy A: “No dude! She wanted to get hers, too.”
    Guy B: “Whaaat? Since when girls became dudes?!?”
    Guy A: “I know. I punched that slut. She won’t stop calling now …”

    Digressing.

    My take on this is simple. I loathe the term “IT Spinster” Sapphire used above. A spinster at 32? In 2013? Really? Some of us are still in Oh-twelve. Mona is a smart, self-reliant, financially independent, opinionated young woman. Only an equal or better will do for a life partner. Such men exist. Too few. But they’re possible to find.

    Man is a sensitive creature. His manliness miserably depends on a woman’s respect. He offers nurturing and safety and expects respect and fun. Man wants to be a hero. His woman’s hero. He craves being needed. If a woman can do without him, he feels emasculated and moves on to the next girl who’ll cheer him on. Does cheerleaders’ mythical appeal make sense now? Truth is, other than for reproductive purposes, a man has no place in a modern woman’s life. And an Arab man can’t take that.

    Especially not the usual Arab wanton whose first taste of irrefutable, narcissistic power stemmed from his mother — a woman, unknowingly, preparing him to be an autocratic misogynist. Against her own gender. Towards his sisters first. Then, on to unfortunate girls who’ll fall for his sadistic … uh … bad ass behavior.

    Will Mona put up with that kind of “man”? I think and pray not.

    Mona needs an emotionally deep man. Nurturing. Sensual and stable. Savvy and ambitious. A man who wants to build a loving home with an equal of a woman. Not one who loves him because she needs him; a woman who needs him because she loves him instead. Mona would do well with a man who finds her passionate bouts of opinion endearing without adding fuel to them. Someone who’ll encourage her to acknowledge and be kinder to her emotions. A man who knows his kids she, nurturing disciplinarian, will take good care of (something tells me it’ll be twins).

    As for faith. Well, I’ve seen some non-Arabs represent Islam better than us Arabs. Hopefully, future Mr. I-tamed-rebellious-Arab-girl will have visited Mona’s parents’ village. Or knows a great deal about it. A history professor maybe? And he’ll wow the parents into granting him their daughter’s hand for marriage. And since a guy will do anything to make the woman he loves happy, conversion will be no big deal. Even if that entails saving pigs for human heart valves. Getting circumcised at 35+. Praying 5 times a day. Donating 5% of his annual income. And starving 14 hours/day once a year. There are worse love proofs in the world y’all. ;-)

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