No one asked me why I have not been blogging lately. Exhausted, tired, no life. It’s funny how I used to write over 50 or 60 posts a month at my old job, and now, with this highly demanding job, I work far too much. Now you guys see the difference between the two?

All I hope for in the future that when I am 40 years old, I do not have a job with set human hours!

Anyone in the London Ontario area looking for a university computer science graduate with far too many years of experience? I am willing to switch jobs now, but I demand my job starts at 9 am and does not last for more than 8.5 hours a day!

Please and thank you.

Blah Blah, Sleepy Post, They said what?, Whatever!

The song of this week that I have been raving about on Twitter is Michael Jackson’s “What About Us?”

I know the song is about nature and what humanity has done to it, but what caught my attention is toward the end of the song. The end of the song emphasizes on the Holy Land, and the innocent people that are dying, because they are attached to the land.

Why can’t humans ever accept that we are part of the earth, and we stay dear to it with all our hearts and souls. I wish I was in Palestine. I wish I was living there and knowing that I am fighting for it. This land, so alluring and captivating, makes it worth fighting for.

My taste of Music, Palestine

Ranting about Arabs time!

One of the biggest problems with the Arab mentality is accepting different opinions and lifestyles. I appreciate the fact that Arabs like to stay true to who they are, whatever they are, but seriously, do we need to make our one-sided “traditional” life decisions the only plausible ones that everyone has to follow?

Let me elaborate my point more clearly here. Arabs feel superior to other Arabs. Arabs feel superior to other cultures. Arabs believe that their lifestyle choices are the “clean” or “most ethical” ones. Why?

Jealousy

I think I discussed this a lot on my blog, but I have to keep reminding everyone that jealousy is a human characteristic. Yes, it is a characteristic that we CAN control. We can be jealous of the positives that other people possesses. That I believe will drive us to improve ourselves. However, jealousy that results in envy, negative emotions, and spite is not the healthy characteristic. Unfortunately, and yes, I will say it for the millionth time, negative jealousy is the number one cause of backward mentality.

Differences

The only successful people I ever met in my life are the ones that were willing to accept the difference. They accepted differences of ethnicity. They accepted differences in mentality. They accepted differences in life. They accepted abrupt changes in the world. They learned to cope with the what life is really about. Once they accepted the difference, their minds opened and accepted endless possibilities. Life no longer seemed black and white, and they ended up leaders in a gray but open playground.

Role Models

The problem with the Arab culture is the lack of role models. There isn’t a group of people that raise their hands and say, “I want to be a better person. I want to make a difference. I want to use my God given talents to the best of my abilities and become something memorable. I want to help others become better people too.” I never heard of role models. I don’t even know if there is such a phrase in the Arabic language. They only think of the “I”, and not the “We.”

Thinking

Thinking is a gift from God. It is our duty as human beings to think. God differentiated us from animals by this gift. We have to use it. We have to think. If I really want to get my point across, I have to discuss religion. Arab culture justifies everything based on religion. Even though only 80% of Arabs are Muslims, and I will not generalize about that fact, but religion has to be separated completely from the culture. The culture ruined the religion. Yes, it did. Islam is so much more, and if it is truly understood and followed at its simplicity, then none of this nonsense that Arabs come up with that justify their behavior based on religion would ever exist.

Since Arabs love to justify their Arabized actions based on religion, then why are women still treated as second class citizens? God created us as equals, but I don’t see it being applied in the Arab culture.

Why is free thinking outside the “religious” doctrines forbidden?

Why aren’t women allowed to be educated at a higher level, and even most to even be literate? Isn’t the first thing that a true Muslim should do is read? Why is man allowed to read, and women can’t? Why is man allowed to think, and women can’t?

Why am I better than you?

Finally, I will get the real point. Arabs love to directly show their superiority complex to other Arabs. If your Arab neighbor bought a gorgeous new pair of shoes, then you will bluntly tell them, “Mine are better and more expensive.” If your Arab neighbor went to a doctor, then you would tell them, “My doctor is smarter and better than yours and that’s why you are always sick.” If your Arab neighbor bought a new house, then you will tell them, “Where did you get the money? Who gave it to you to make such a purchase?”

Congratulations is a common and most used word in the Arab vocabulary, but it is always followed by the justification that I am still better than you, or how did you get that and who helped you? I wish sometimes they were really better, like evolving as a culture, not being classified as third world nations, and giving their citizens basic human rights.

I think too much, but I will never stop.

Confused, Culture, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I have been thinking a lot lately, and I know most of you who are reading this are saying to yourselves, “Oh no, not again! Wait, isn’t that why I am here?”

Interestingly, what I have noticed as a blogger for over four years is that you become your blog. You are it, and it has sucked you in and there is no way out. I have been checking out a lot of famous people’s blogs, and even active bloggers who think that their little voices will make a difference (which it does, kudos to them!). I discovered that they are successful not because of the money they earn, and not because of their voices or messages they are trying to convince others with, but with their perseverance and learning on their own to think about life from all angels, and to take constructive criticism and even ignorant insults.

It’s hard, believe me. It is very hard to maintain a blog. In the beginning, I thought of it as a little ranting area and that’s it, and it will not last long because I have zero patience and short attention span. However, things changed, and people kept wanting more, and even wanted my feedback on issues that were so foreign to me. It helped me stay on track, and build on something that I have created. I started this, and I think of it as one of the highest achievements so far in life. Corny as it sounds, but it is true.

Being a blogger helps you in many ways. It helps you improve your writing skills. It helps you think every day, and come up with new ideas and keep your brain active. It helps you build a community and bring people together on issues that are hardly ever discussed.

Comfort Zone

On those days where I am really depressed, and feel that the world is against me, I turn to this little website for comfort. Someone out there sort of agrees with me, right? Which is better than nothing eh? You guys will not believe the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, but something sparked inside of me and told me, “Hell no! What are you about to do and why?”

This morning, I had the itch to shut down this blog, and I have more reasons to do so than to keep it. It has nothing to do with my professional life, or me being scared. Surprisingly, last year, while I was looking for work, I thought of it as a road block to why I wasn’t accepted in the professional world, but then I realized, who cares? It’s like people not accepting me for who I am, and I don’t need them in my professional life or being a part of theirs. Then I thought of it some more as a road block for real friendships, and that’s why people don’t like me anymore for who I really am, but again I realized, who cares?

I know a lot of people will start bombarding me with comments and tell me, “Stop saying who cares!! Because you do!” I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t, but I won’t lie to you even more and tell you that I really do. It’s that middle zone that I can’t really explain on this blog, because I don’t know how.

Barriers

I realized that I can’t put a red line between me and others, but at the same time, I cannot let others create this line and choose to jump in and out whenever they please. I feel used. I feel hated and then suddenly loved. I feel that there is something about me that I cannot understand, but others do. I can’t get a grasp on what makes me totally different than others, but at the same time, I don’t understand why they treat me just like any passer by they met in their life.

I am a person with very deep feelings. I suffered a lot growing up, and I keep on suffering because I don’t know what to do. I say what I want to do, but I feel that I am not taking the necessary actions. Is it being scared? Is it too hard? Is it beyond my limits? Maybe it is all those combined, or maybe I just don’t know where to start.

Change

I keep encouraging people to change, and to think outside of the box, but I cannot do that. I am the one that is preaching, but I cannot practice what I preach. Why? I keep asking myself why. It got to the point that people are continuously telling me that they feel sorry for me, and I am the one that needs help. It just makes me feel labeled as only a thinker, and not a thinker with actions, or maybe that’s what I want to believe.

Fortunately, after I re-read this post before publishing, and the hour and a half I spent thinking and writing it out, I realized that there was some action on my part. I did something. I clicked the publish people. I am heard, and someone else will get affected by my words and react to them. I guess I am doing something eh?

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!

I know I have been writing pathetically stupid posts the past week, but I have been hiding my true anger and discontent of people’s actions. I am very angry, and writing this post will not calm me down that easily, but it helps a bit.

People piss me off

I am sorry to say this, but in general, people have serious problems. They don’t understand the meaning of “Leave me alone. I am not a child. What the hell do you want from me? I don’t want to be your friend. I am not this lost soul that you feel obligated to save.” Oh, and for that person, don’t bluntly lie to me saying you don’t go on my blog. After you insulted me, do you expect things to change for better or worse? You think I am stupid or something? I have an IP address tracker that emails me on every visit, and one of my statistics tools sees behind those stupid anonymous proxy sites and reports back to me the real IP address. I got over 5 statistics monitoring tools, and I check them almost every day to see where people are coming from, because that’s what a website owner does to make sure everything is alright and no one lies to me. It also helps me stop those stupid hackers from the middle east to get into my blog again by running those stupid scripts and sql injections.

Secondly, let’s think of this logically, even though my intelligence was questioned a million times, and so was my horrible grammar and English (You know us foreigners with our bad English! We just can’t help it!), I am not offended, but it really makes you on my list of past memories that will never be revived.

Anyways, I am sick and tired of people talking to me. No one understands the pressures from my job every day, and the crap I have to endure from stories about Arabs when I get home. No one gives a crap, and that’s why, I have no reason to give a crap about anyone. If I bluntly tell my parents to leave me alone, why wouldn’t I do that to you?

My parents feel sorry for me

Finally the guilt is creeping up on my parents. They know I don’t talk to any human being, and I don’t go anywhere. And they know that I am taking courses toward my certification to fill that empty gap in my life. They don’t know the real reason why I became like this, and I am not going to open a huge debate of how much I want to seclude myself from this bitter world filled with liars. I am not going to explain to them my discontent of this Arab mentality that I am forced to live by every day. I am not going to explain to them that I have met and known enough people in my life that I choose to act like a bitter 60 year old.

I am tired of explaining.

I work with the wrong people

You guys think I like my job? I do sometimes, but most of the time no. It was fine in the beginning, but the more I know people at work and the mental age gap that is hindering production, the more fearful I am of the way things are going. I just can’t wait to leave work at 4:30 pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes I work over time if I was told explicitly to get things done ASAP.

Although some people at work noticed my talents, and that’s what they want, a person that can do it all, but them also noticing my discontent with some things thrown at my face is making them fearful. Sure, I can do it all, but I am only human. I am trying to learn from this other guy at work, and just work at the bare minimum to what I was hired to do. It’s hard to do so when I want to do more, I want to prove myself, but is it worth all this pressure? Am I getting compensated enough for it? No!

Also, like I mentioned in the paragraph before last, the age gap is killing me. I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers anymore, because I am sick of listening to them, and them asking the stupidest nosiest questions. Then they talk to me like a five year old, and want me to talk to them only in utter respect. Who the hell are they? I bow to no one or give any respect except to God. I don’t care anymore that I should be nice to older people, screw them. They have no respect for me, why should I be for them?

Attitude change

I have to become even more bitter or I won’t survive with such people. My plan is to be as calm as possible till I finish my certification courses, which will take two years, and find another job. In the meantime, since I have no real friends that want to ever listen to me or talk to me, I will use this blog as a ranting area instead. I know you guys will listen to me, email me your thoughts, and tell me that you have the same problems too. When you do that and tell me your stories, I don’t feel alone, and you don’t feel alone, and I am more at peace with myself and can sleep at night.

I am sorry, but I have to excessively rant a lot more from now on, or I will go crazy or very physically sick.

Finally, this song has been keeping me a bit sane the past couple of days. I like the words. No wonder. So me.

Muse: “Uprising”

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!