My sister told me today, “Mona, you are evil and mean!” I agree with her and it brings me to a bigger point! Oh points.. some are small, some are tiny, some are huge and bold! Anyways, to the main point: sorry to so and so who sent me a message on Facebook the past weekend. When I read your message I thought, “ok, I am not that pretty or my beauty is so extravagant or so precious. Therefore, I don’t give a crap who sees me.”

I am assuming this person was going through my Twitpic album and read the comments some dumb ass lonely guys wrote. What will happen if she read all the comments in my blog? My blog is a SIN! Anyways, I got tired of deleting comments. What am I to do? Hide behind an internet veil? I am human. I want people to see who I am. It’s like going to work. Is a woman not allowed to go to work? Men are not allowed to see her? It’s a sin to show your beauty?

By the way, we are all beautiful people, because God created us that way. So those extreme Muslims that think I am a walking sin, then you are openly telling me that being a woman is a sin. You are a walking sin too! Cover up! Cause dammit.. I don’t wear a veil and tight ass clothes and heavy makeup walking down the street. I rather sin completely! I don’t do it in parts like some people!

This is what SHE said,

stop showing ur ebeauty ya helwa!!! its haram habibti u take soo many pics no one eneds to see a womens’s beauty and ur comments by those men are haram also wat they say is dsgusting

You can tell she is not from my side of the sinful world.

Future Goal

I want to do this one thing one day. I want to go around other people’s blogs and tell them that they are wrong! What they are writing, presenting, or discussing on their blogs is wrong! I feel that I am obligated to tell other Arab bloggers they are wrong! Wow! That would relieve a lot of stress to tell you the truth. I might end up being obnoxious and liking it!

If you hate me or think I am a walking sin, then bravo, bravo. You have accomplished a great deal in life by pointing the obvious. Now go back to watching your music videos and obsessing over celebrities’ beauty and how to make your self look like one, so other Muslim/Arab girls envy you.

Advice, Blah Blah, Culture, Religion, They said what?, Whatever!

I would never speak of any teachers or professors on my blog, because I never had a memorable one to brag out. Also, I never had a teacher that was awful either. So, I never talked about them or had a reason to.

Yesterday, I had a long depressive spell, and all I did was read through my old posts, especially this one from a few days ago. I can’t believe what I have been writing, and I still can’t believe how my life turned out to be. Then all of a sudden, all I could think of is Mrs. Hubbard.

Who the hell is Mrs. Hubbard you ask your self?

Mrs. Hubbard was an almost retiree grade 10 health & life studies teacher in my highschool while I was still living in the US. Why did I remember her all of a sudden? Usually, many people don’t care to remember teachers, but her, she was blunt, old, and she had fun teaching teenagers. She understood them, and even predicted how they will end up being. Strange, but true!

I was very quiet in highschool, did exceptional work, and aced every course. I had no care in the world other than myself, and was very reserved and not so social. I was and still is very introverted. That’s why Mrs. Hubbard told me that one day that I will suffer dearly in my 20s and have a very depressive life. Can you imagine someone telling you that when you were barely 15 years old?

Now, while I am in my last year of my 20’s, I look back at the last 9 years with shock. How the hell did I survive it? How the hell did I end up like this?

I ask myself those questions every day, and I have no answer. All I can do is hope that things will just change and this dry spell will end. You guys think being in your 20’s is fun, and growing old and being in your 30’s or beyond is ancient, then all I can tell you, “you gotta be kidden yourselves!”

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Some people need to feed their ego and insult me or tell me off, like they did on this comment, because it gives them some sort of gratification and power. Honestly, I don’t care. Nothing bothers me anymore. To each their own.

I find it amusing that after a long shitty and very stressful day at work, I pick up the phone to check my email in the end of the day, and read such garbage. I honestly laughed. I was not offended at all, because I am 99% sure who wrote it. If that 1% chance is another person, then it would be some lonely person who loves to hate my blog, and me as a person.

Ignoring People

You see, I hate hurting people so much, but they love to hurt me. Even if there was some misunderstanding in the beginning, but their behaviour in the end, like they did in that comment, really crossed the red line.

I will tell you guys a story. You see, if this person I am thinking of, and maybe I am wrong, really wondered why I have been ignoring them, then they should have just clicked my name on GTalk or on MSN messenger and asked me what the problem is. I was not hiding. I was always there in their face every day! However, this person thinks that I have to always be the one initiating something. Why? I don’t know. What do you guys think?

Let’s be honest, I have not been emailing this person or talking to this person forever. I do apologize. I was depressed and I really didn’t want to talk to anyone that constantly gave me too much advice. Also, I felt that I lost trust in that person, so I ignored them. Why should I tell a person off if I don’t feel comfortable being friends with them anymore? End it peacefully. No hard feelings or burning any bridges.

I was a very depressed person, and I tend to ignore the entire world when I am in that state. So, being in that state for months the past year really didn’t make this person any special. I was ignoring everyone. I didn’t see anyone else caring? Honestly, people don’t care.

Moreover, this person wrote the comment in order for me to write this post. It was so obvious, but what am I to do? I have to feed people’s egos. I have to write grammatically horrible posts and trashy content to satisfy people. I don’t use some editing program that will fix my poor programmer’s English. Did I ever mention that I was an English major? I don’t remember, because I am not. Anyways, I make money off this site. I use it for good humanitarian causes and send money to people who have nothing. So, people hate my site, and that’s why they come here every day and subscribe to it. I didn’t force anyone to read this trash. Why did you?

Conclusion

This person, yes you, really should have not done this. I blocked you off everything now, even Facebook. I honestly did nothing to hurt you, but you really pushed it this time, and I thought you were bigger than that. I thought you were very smart and intelligent, and you would never stoop down to this level. I considered you as one of the smart people I met in my life.

Not one day I have gone around and said trash about you using your name. I never did anything to insult your pride. I didn’t do anything. I was just ignoring you. I don’t lower my self and talk trash about people that one day meant something to me, and helped me reach far in life. I am not like that. Surprisingly, you will never understand that, and that’s fine. I am not here to convince you or anyone else with my view points. This blog is just my diary. It is just thoughts in my head. It is trash and not worth reading to be honest. It’s just a visible online brain dump.

Does anyone gain or lose anything from reading it? Nop.

Are people obligated to believe it? Nop.

Why does it bother you then? I have no clue.

Honestly, I was so meaning to talk to you last night. I was waiting on GTalk because gosh, I felt like I had to talk to you. I wanted to start a new chapter and end anything crazy, because I wanted to change and be my self again. But you doing what you did today, was probably meant to be. You ended it with your own hands. No more turning back.

Resolutions

Did you fulfill yours? You did today. Was it in the top of your list? Instead of being discrete about it and considerate, you resorted to this maneuver? I was so disappointed. First the continuous checking my blog with anonymouse.org and hidemyass.com, and days where you used your real home address (which was the honest and best way. It was what a normal confident person would do.) But today, you confessed the Hard Truth! You must be proud and tapping your self on the back now.

Oh that hard truth! You just like hurting people because it makes you happy. I never thought one day you were like that. Shocker, people change! You are the type of person that I cannot communicate with anymore. I am sorry. Everything related to you is blocked. Just leave my site and don’t bother with the likes of me again. You have better things to worry about in life. Why me? I am not worth it. Believe me.

P.S. This was not a cat fight. That’s even more shocking.

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This is part three of the year end manifestation of the life of my blog.

My blog this year won so many awards, that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them! NOT!! (Didn’t I sound cheesy and dorky like the rest of the bloggers out there?) But yes, my blog won a lot of invisible mind boggling awards. I won people’s readerships. That’s the biggest award I can get as a blogger. I don’t care about best blog, or best writer, or best anything. Who cares? It’s like winning a virtual banner to advertise someone else’s bright idea that started the campaign.

Really, if the prize was money based, then people will be all over it! I would be so all over it!

So, I am gonna list the top blog posts this year by comments, my favorites, and ones that I should have never published, but found their way online cause of my insomnia or excessive amounts of coffee!

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Comments & Reactions

1. April 28, 2009 | It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a conspiracy theory!
2. June 7, 2009 | The Arab Blogorette
3. June 16, 2009 | I think it is time for change!
4. August 25, 2009 | Why are Muslims turning Atheists?
5. August 30, 2009 | Analysis: It is much harder to get rid of her
6. September 7, 2009 | Arabs marrying non-Arabs
7. September 18, 2009 | Window shopping for a bride
8. October 27, 2009 | Symbols of being different

Top Blog Posts 2009 | Monaism & Love

1. January 15, 2009 | Are good people always the victims of life?
2. March 31, 2009 | How accurate is this?
3. April 20, 2009 | Airports think I am a perv!
4. May 21, 2009 | A way to relieve stress
5. July 15, 2009 | Teaching a child the basics of the internet world
6. September 6, 2009 | No Comment
7. September 24, 2009 | I am sick and tired of looking for work!!! NO MORE!
8. December 4, 2009 | The typicals
9. December 26, 2009 | I am the master of my choices

Top Blog Pots 2009 | Those That Should Have Never Been

1. January 28, 2009 | The blogging world is run by monkeys
2. May 4, 2009 | I thought I held the title of taking things too seriously
3. June 20, 2009 | The media has been following me for over two decades
4. September 26, 2009 | I don’t like talking about sex in public

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I have met a lot of idiots in my life. Ok, let me rephrase that. I have met a lot of selfish idiots in my life. They range from close family members, close friends, to people who never appreciated you for who you are, or what you ever done for them.

However, I don’t want people to remember me for what I did for them. I want people to remember me for who I am. For what I said one day, and what I believe in.

I will tell you guys something. I hate this blog. I hate writing on this blog because people can’t talk to me anymore or be honest. They try to communicate with me, and instead of using the conventional methods or a more truthful manner, they resort to coming here. They want to say something to me, but they don’t dare to.

I also blame my self. I am not happy with my life. I mean for goodness sake. I am 29 years old, and I am fully responsible for giving money to my family in order to survive since I am the only one employed. I save zero money in the end of the month. I don’t get paid much, and I can’t think beyond a month from now or even think of my self.  My main concern in life is how to keep this household alive and paying the bills.

So much responsibility for a person that doesn’t even have a family of her own. Can’t even think of a reason to move on, because she worries about her current family’s situation that anything she does that even is remotely close to selfish, or she can call her own, is impossible.

Now people wonder why I don’t have time for them. Why I don’t have time to say hello or bother. Not only that, but since I don’t want to be poor for the rest of my life, I decided to start using up that credit card and enroll in higher education that I can do online. You know, because my life is not worrisome enough and so busy, that I had to do that, because I know I don’t want to be like this 5 years from now.

So yeah.. for that person and that person, and even that person that knows who they are, have a nice life. You ended up being a narcissistic bull headed inconsiderate piece of shit just like any other person I met. You are no different.

You should salute your self you cowardly fool. You ended up on my list of all the other idiots I met in my life. They are far too many of you. I wonder how you will survive in this world with your continued denials.

P.S. Happy new year.

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